People still ask me, “When’s your next show?”, despite the fact that I haven’t competed in close to two years (my last event was in June of 2014). Somewhere along the way, I lost the desire to allow every square millimeter of my body to be scrutinized by judges onstage, and decided to shift my focus to other goals and projects. It can be pretty brutal to put oneself on the chopping block all the time, to be analyzed and judged on the basis of balance, symmetry, and conditioning, especially when the IFBB Pro Bikini pool is teeming with spectacular physiques which seem almost superhuman.
That being said, I wouldn’t trade my experiences for the world, and I feel so blessed to have competed for the six years that I did. As a matter of fact, I still feel that competing is very much in my blood. I am also so grateful for all the opportunities which came to me while I competed. I even have a few suits in my armoire (one of which I am still trying to sell), and the tangerine suit which I won my Pro Card in will never be sold.
Part of me doesn’t want to abandon the idea of possibly stepping onstage again. However, it has become increasingly more difficult for me to get the razor sharp, shredded look that is necessary for the stage, and I lack the time to hit the gym for three to five hours each day in preparation for a contest. The drive to compete has been replaced with a fierce desire to make a bigger name for myself in the world, and I truly believe that if I clutter my world with contest prep strategies, I will dilute my energies too much and will lose the forest for the trees.
I know the question still remains: “When’s your next show?”, and I really can’t provide a clear answer. Despite the fact that each passing day pushes the notion of competing further and further away, I might just decide to grace the stage again at some point.
You never know.