When “Nice” Just Covers Up True Meanness

Have you ever known someone who could throw on the charm when the need arose, while the rest of the time, the person had a strong tendency to behave as though he or she hated the entire world? Did this person’s behavior weave between the two extremes of sweet and mean? Were you at the receiving end of this bizarre pattern?

Psychopaths manufacture a bizarre cycle of alternating meanness and sweetness as a safeguard against you seeing their true colors and leaving them. The meanness can surface through an insult, a threat or a verbal attack. The next day, the psychopath will act as if the verbal assault never occurred, and a pattern of attack and sweep-under-the-rug ensues. All the partner wants is for the psychopath to be NICE, but this is impossible for the psychopath to maintain, because his inner self is mean and nasty.

When you are at the receiving end of a “mean attack” as I like to call it, you’ll think to yourself, “Wow, this person acts like he/she hates me.” That’s because, deep down, the psychopath DOES hate you. The sweetness is just an act to keep you engaged enough so you don’t see the person’s true colors and are kept guessing.
It’s FUN for them to upset you, to get a rise out of you. They won’t think twice about saying hurtful things to you, because they lack what you have: a conscience.

One unfortunate thing about psychopaths is that they are forever locked into their sweet to mean patterns because their personality traits are indelible parts of their personalities. What’s worse, they fail to recognize how broken they truly are. Their tempers are wicked, but they will never acknowledge their outbursts. Instead, they will push you into crazytown by egging you on until you finally explode. Why? So they can blame you for the shit they started in the first place.

If you find yourself entangled in the cycle of sweet and mean with someone, do yourself a favor and end the relationship. It will save your self-esteem.

Bullshitters

I am getting incredibly tired of people who open up their mouths and declare that they will do something, then when push comes to shove, they back out of their promises. This sort of thing happens both in business as well as in my personal life, and I am completely fed up. Whatever happened to the days when a person’s word meant something? Is our society failing so much that people no longer hold themselves accountable when they make promises to others?

I maintain that if a person has no intention of following through with something, then nothing should ever be said, regardless of how “spontaneous” or “imaginative” that person is. If I hear, “Let’s do this!” or “I’m gonna take you to this place”, then I believe that it will come to fruition. Whenever I state that I will do something, I ALWAYS come through, even if my enthusiasm for the task has waned.

Remember, your actions are far more telling than your words are.

Full Makeup For Working Out?

This blog post is dedicated to the ladies who have a compulsion to pile on loads of full face makeup for the gym. While I consider a small amount of clean makeup (eyeliner, waterproof mascara, translucent powder, maybe lipgloss) to be acceptable for a workout, some women spend their time exercising in enough makeup to put Bozo the Clown to shame. It’s one thing if they’re at the gym for a photo or video shoot, but if they’re just at the gym to train, then all they’re doing is clogging their pores and looking ridiculous.

Ladies at gym who wear too much makeup send a message to everyone that they are insecure. Who needs a smoky eye while doing lat pulldowns? I’ve actually seen some heavily made-up women who begin to resemble an abstract painting when their makeup begins to streak and smear from perspiration and contact with the equipment benches. Trust me, if you’re at a gym where people truly care about getting their workouts done, they won’t care if you look like you rolled out of bed or if you look like you’re going to the Academy Awards. Just relax and focus on your training!

I Had A Quick And Easy Divorce

written by Ed Sherman

Many of your probably don’t know that I was married once. Back when I was about to start my second year of medical school, I met and was charmed by a guy who was about to start his first year of medical school at the same institution. He signed up to be one of my subjects for a study I was conducting on lumbar somatic dysfunction (I later found out that the main reason why he signed up was because he thought I was hot).

After I gathered scientific data from the portion of the study which involved him, he began asking me questions. Which mnemonic guides were the best for gross anatomy? Which professors were my favorite? Where did I typically study for exams? He then went in for the kill, taking me by surprise by asking me out. I liked him, and noticed he was different in a way that really grabbed my interest, so I said yes.

To make a long story short, that date progressed into a romance which was so intense that we were married a year later. In general, I loved being married, and though we had our difficulties, we made our marriage work for a while. Then it stopped working, and after three years, I asked for a divorce.

After the initial emotional anguish subsided, my husband and I spent close to a year trying to determine if divorce was the best option. Inevitably, we both agreed that being apart was actually much better for us both. Since we were both rather rational about our impending divorce, and retained a level of mutual respect which is quite rare among couples at the demise of their marriage, we agreed that we could probably bypass legal counsel and file the paperwork ourselves. I ended up purchasing a book called, How To Do Your Own Divorce In California, by Ed Sherman, and printed off the legal forms which were included on the CD in the back of the book.

I filed the initial paperwork and braced myself for the paper storm to follow. It was a bit of a hassle to complete all of the forms myself, but I saved a ton on legal fees. The total amount which I spent on the book and all the filings came to under $300, and I was happy to pay it. My husband and I were also able to complete the Marital Settlement Agreement without much difficulty, and we were able to reach a mutually beneficial arrangement.

Six months and one day from the day I filed, I received the final Divorce Decree in the mail. My divorce was honestly easier than some breakups in my life. And to this day, my ex-husband and I are on good terms. He remarried in November of last year (thirteen years after our divorce was finalized), and I can honestly say that I truly wish the best for him and his bride.

In case you are in the unfortunate predicament of a looming divorce, but feel confident that you and your estranged spouse can divorce without any drama or irrational behavior, you may want to consider the easy divorce route we took. The newest version of the book I used is now 20 bucks on Amazon. However, I am by no means endorsing this route, so you should explore other options if need be. If you are facing an ugly battle, you should definitely seek top notch legal counsel to aid you in the divorce process.

The newest edition of Ed Sherman’s valuable reference guide for divorce in California

What’s The Difference Between Cocoa and Cacao?

Some of you might believe that cocoa and cacao are the same thing, but that’s definitely not the case. Here’s the deal: if your chocolate bar is made with cacao, you’re about to dive into a true antioxidant-rich superfood. However, if it’s made with cocoa, you’re not getting nearly the amount of health benefits you would with the cacao-derived treat.

The big difference lies in the processing of the cacao bean. If the bean is high-heat roasted, then you have cocoa, NOT cacao. Cacao is never roasted, but kept in its raw state, then cold-pressed to extract its healthy goodness and preserve its nutrients. In addition, the intense dark brown color of cacao is quite distinctive from its much lighter cousin, cocoa.

Another reason why cocoa-based products get a poor nutritional score is because the big chocolate manufacturers throw in substances like soy lecithin, high fructose corn syrup, and vegetable oil. Candy bars are notorious for this, and as a result they should be avoided like the plague. Your best bet is dark chocolate, because it has a high cacao content. The higher the cacao percentage, the healthier it is. Make sure you look for CACAO and not cocoa on the wrapper!

Flossing

No, I’m not talking about the urban meaning, i.e., showing off. I’m talking about flossing your pearly whites.

I’m willing to bet that many of you neglect to perform this important task on a regular basis. I am not lying when I tell you that I floss NIGHTLY, and have been doing so for the last two years. Yes, that’s right, not for the last several decades like you might have thought. I got lazy, as many people do, and my gum health suffered as a result. So when my dentist implored me to floss regularly during one visit in June of 2015, I actually heeded his advice and forced myself to re-learn the habit which my mother had gotten me into when I was a child, one which I would follow somewhat erratically as an adult.

Now, before you go thinking that I never flossed, let me just set the record straight by saying that though I wasn’t good about doing it every single day, I still flossed. I would typically be diligent about flossing daily about a week before each dental visit, and for about a month after those visits, but then I’d slack off, perhaps flossing once or twice a week when I remembered to do so. So it wasn’t a surprise that my gums would bleed every time I had my teeth professionally cleaned, and that my dentist would berate me.

Now I will not allow myself to go to sleep before flossing. I won’t even allow myself to brush my teeth at night before grabbing a pre-threaded flosser and going to town on those dental crevices. According to the American Dental Association, we all should clean between our teeth once a day. Why? Because interdental cleaning removes plaque, which is the main causative agent for formation of cavities and development of gum disease.

I personally can’t stand the idea of winding floss around my fingers. The thought of food-laden floss wrapped around my digits makes me squirm. In addition, I contend with forearm tendinitis, carpal tunnel syndrome, and arthritis in my dominant (left) hand, and as a result find it very challenging to wield a rope of dental floss. My solution is to purchase the pre-threaded flossers which are available. They’re easy to use and just as effective, provided you use them correctly. When flossing between teeth, gently arc around the column of the tooth to remove any plaque which has built up there.

Happy flossing! Your teeth and gums will thank you for it.