Ignore The Haters!

February 18, 2015December 18, 2014drstaceynaito Leave a comment

Originally published on RxGirl on Wednesday, 18 September 2013

http://www.rxmuscle.com/rx-girl-articles/9306-ignore-the-haters.html

Many of you ladies are well acquainted with the rigors of contest prep and understand the level of intensity and commitment required. Some of you are fortunate enough to have a great support network in which partners, family, coworkers and friends are in your cheering section and encourage all of your efforts. Unfortunately, however, some competitors may have to deal with people who discourage them or in some fashion try to interfere with their prep. I have heard husbands complain that their wives spend too much time in the gym or cannot eat restaurant meals with them. A few of my clients have lamented that family members or friends actually got angry with them for training so hard or for being so driven. The less the hater knows about the world of bodybuilding, the harsher the criticism becomes, usually as a result of ignorance and the perpetuation of erroneous stereotypes about bodybuilding.
I once had a client who almost talked herself out of competing as a reaction to her ultra-conservative mother’s opinion of bodybuilding contests. Her mother was horrified by the idea that women actually got onstage in bikinis and was deeply resistant to the idea of her daughter doing such a thing. It did not matter that her daughter was in her 30’s with children of her own. What was so sad was that everyone else in my client’s life was supportive and encouraging. For once this woman was paying attention to herself instead of doling out her energy to her spouse, children and parents, and it met with resistance.

Another frequent complaint, and one which I have heard personally, is one in which the loved one bitches about how stupid it seems to chase after a national qualification, IFBB Pro Card or Olympia qualification. Those who do not compete cannot fully appreciate the reasons competitors have to reach for that carrot. The drive is deep and in most cases incredibly personal. There is no question that competing can be extremely expensive, and it can be very frustrating to deal with less than stellar placings which push us to do more contests in order to reach our goals. It is also true that the allure of a Pro Card can fool some competitors into thinking that attaining Pro status will deliver much more than acceptance into the prestigious IFBB ranks (such as supplement company contracts, magazine covers, etc.). However, if you are realistic and are pursuing the next level of achievement for your own personal reasons, then declare that when someone tries to criticize you. My advice is to dig your heels in and fight for your right to do something that is inspiring and empowering.

You may have people in your life who believe that you are getting too ripped and muscular. Invariably the people who make such remarks are not weightlifters, so they do not understand the mentality of those who lift and thus are not comfortable with the idea of building and sculpting muscle. If you are in a bulking phase, your appearance can be especially jarring for those who do not appreciate muscle, and the negative comments are likely to increase in frequency. It’s no surprise that those of us who compete tend to hang out with other lifters in an effort to be surrounded by like-minded individuals who can relate to what we go through and who won’t fling negative comments about our muscularity or vascularity our way.

Perhaps you only deal with minimal criticism but still have trouble processing it. I know that the majority of you who compete have been in situations where family, friends or coworkers have tried to convince you to abandon your strict meal plan, telling you that “just this once” won’t hurt you. They may even resort to accusing you of being a stick in the mud for not caving into peer pressure. It is at times like these that you need to remind yourself of your goals and that adherence to your meal plan is an insurance plan to being on point when contest day arrives. You know that every time you fall off the wagon, so to speak, you jeopardize everything you have spent the past few weeks or months to build. Why do yourself such a disservice only to appease others? Do not bother yourself with what they think, because it is not worth it.

Consider the reasons why you compete and what kind of satisfaction you get from competing. Are you really going to let the people in your life drag you down and criticize you for doing something that you enjoy? Remember that your journey is not only about physical transformation, it is also spiritual. You are all grown women with minds of your own, so STAND YOUR GROUND!

Social Media: A Double-Edged Sword

February 17, 2015December 18, 2014drstaceynaito Leave a comment

Originally published on mensphysique.com on Monday, 02 December 2013

http://www.rxmuscle.com/blogs/the-business-fitness-modeling-and-showbiz/9773-social-media-a-double-edged-sword.html

If you are serious about competing and want to build a career in the fitness industry then you have probably been exploring the various social media platforms and trying to build your name and brand. Of course, you want to push for the most followers you can get, as well as build a fan base which boosts your credibility in the eyes of supplement companies. As your numbers grow, your name will become more well-known and you can claim – without bluffing – that you have inspired thousands of people.

However, with more followers come more problems, most commonly the jerks and the haters. I heard an interesting comment from one of my friends today, which was: “The more successful you are, the more haters you have.” I have to admit that whenever I have to deal with a hater, I am rattled by such energy and will never understand how people can go out of their way to spread negativity. I guess you can’t please everyone, and of course there are going to be those who are jealous of your physique and your success. This is when the blocking feature on numerous social platforms can and should be employed. Don’t bother trying to appease such spiritual leeches. They are not worth the trouble.

Some fans and followers (thank goodness, it is the exception and not the rule) develop a distorted perspective in which they believe that they are connected or bonded to the fitness personalities they are interested in. This quickly turns into an obsession, with the fan holding onto a sense of entitlement which can be dangerous. If such a fan feels disregarded, a cascade of psychotic behavior can ensue.

Another dangerous and disturbing situation found in social media circles is the impostor syndrome. There are individuals out there who may claim to be you, and will use your likeness, your name and your titles to build fake profiles. I am sure you have worked your ass off to get to where you are now, so it is time to do due diligence and make sure that no one is taking your good name and wearing it. The small bit of flattery which may be at play is completely eclipsed by the creepiness and the invasion of pretending to be someone else.

Thankfully, the vast majority of people are level-headed and rational. However, as your numbers grow, you must be aware of the issues which may arise and take measures to protect your name and reputation in the industry.

Success As Measured By Social Media

January 2, 2015December 14, 2014drstaceynaito Leave a comment

While I am grateful for the boost in exposure and the public following I have built as a result of social media, I believe that for many people, social media channels are arbitrary and false measures of success. I will never believe that someone who builds a huge following on Instagram with a gallery of scantily clad selfies has anything to offer the world except spank-bank material. I also want no part of popularity contests which simply look at the number of followers in determining the value of an athlete, and I am bothered by the idea that my knowledge carries less power than the number of bikini images I have shot over the years. I see that several fitness personalities have built their names almost exclusively on sexy selfies, and truly wonder where they will be after people get tired of just seeing hot pics and no intellectual substance to fall back upon. I honestly think that unless they begin working on their intellectual legacy, no one will remember or care about them in ten years.

Another thing which social media platforms do is that they provide a lottery chance for just about anyone to get his or her 15 minutes of fame. It can be hard to predict what might pass the tipping point and go viral, but when it does, an overnight sensation is often created. The usual prerequisite of talent has been washed away by a jaded, overstimulated society which simply wants to see something different, weird, trashy or disturbing. At the risk of completely offending a certain prominent family, I will boldly state that I think it is entirely unfair that the Kardashian family has basked in the fruits of notoriety and increased wealth simply because they were willing to showcase their affluent, dysfunctional, entitled family dynamics for the world to see. As a strange bonus, the world has been subjected to a full-figured, sexually liberated, narcissistic big sister who derives great joy from slathering her ovoid form with Crisco and posting selfies that scream “It’s all about me”, and certainly not in a way which inspires others. What is so mind-blowing is that this family is globally famous, despite the fact that they fall into the “talentless hack” category.

Even as I write this post, I hope to get a lot of views and likes, and wouldn’t mind if it went viral. However, because this post reveals coherent thoughts rather than what kind of underwear I have on right now, I know that it has less of a chance of sparking interest and reactions in a society which is still very visual and dumbed down by the sexual overtones which drive advertising.

A Note To Cyber Creeps

October 14, 2014October 5, 2014drstaceynaito Leave a comment

This is meant for all the men (and I use that term loosely) who seem to think nothing of hitting on women they see online. I am talking about guys who boldly send messages on social media commenting on how “hot” they think a woman is, and who are obviously looking for a casual hookup. I honestly believe that these creeps keep hitting on one woman after another in hopes that they will encounter someone with low self-esteem who is gullible enough to entertain the attention. Here are examples of recent communications I have received:

CREEP #1: 1. Hey, what kind of guys do u like? 2. Hey, why don’t u write back? Don’t have time for me? 3. U are a real tight ass, loosen your s*&% up babe

CREEP #2: 1. Hey u I saw your profile and u seem real nice and u are so f*&%^& sexy 2. Do u wanna be my online sex kitten? It will be fun and easy, u will love it!

Hey creeps, here’s a news flash: NO female should have to put up with your come-ons. I am especially amazed that you have the balls to contact a career professional with a brain, an education, and a very full plate with a lame comment, and then get upset when the woman doesn’t fall all over you and spread her legs. You are DISGUSTING and clearly have too much time on your hands (actually, I know what is probably in your hands most of the time!). GET A LIFE. Quit preying on women, and shove your sociopathic behavior where the sun doesn’t shine. You are the kind of person that women need to protect themselves against.

LADIES, PLEASE don’t engage in conversations with these guys! BLOCK THEM. All they are looking for is a cheap thrill, and they have probably have burnt through all the women in their town and developed horrible reputations. What blows my mind is that there are celebrities who engage in this behavior, and will throw their celebrity status around like it is some kind of reward for the hapless female who is being preyed upon. These guys are downright dangerous and not worth your time. Don’t even bother trying to explain yourself if one of these douchebags tries to lay a guilt trip on you by insulting you when you don’t respond or if you tell them nicely to go away. There have been times when I have received messages which seemed benign, so I have responded with a “Thank you”, only to get blasted with manipulative, insulting comments which suddenly reveal the misogynistic personality of the guy who has tried to reel me in.

Ladies, RUN, don’t walk, away from these men!

Lighten Up Already!

August 9, 2014July 31, 2014drstaceynaito Leave a comment

I am astonished by the proportion of people on social media who take issue with innocuous posts. It’s almost as if people are losing their sense of humor and assuming the worst about others. I am tired of bullies verbally attacking me via private message on Facebook, telling me they were offended by a post I shared. Case in point: I recently shared a post which used the analogy of a Ferrari to describe a person’s body, and a bumper sticker as a reference to a tattoo. It was written in first person with no attacks against people who had tattoos. Approximately 8 hours after I had shared the post, a man (and I use that term loosely in light of how hostile he was) private messaged me, telling me how offended he was by my post and that he had lost considerable respect for me. He took personal issue where none existed, and on top of that, he attacked Ferrari owners. I attempted to calm him down by stating that there was no offense meant, and that there was nothing negative directed against people who had tattoos. Instead of calming him down, I apparently raised his ire because I had shared a screenshot of this particularly annoying message stream so that people could see how much I get bullied by people who have no business starting an argument. He blasted me again, stating that I posted derogatory remarks and that what I did was “typically American”.

Here are the message streams:

I have come to the realization that bullies like this are full of self-loathing, so much so that they feel compelled to lash out at others and perpetuate hostility instead of seeing the levity in a social media post. I have seen posts which have poked fun at bodybuilders, doctors, people over 40, and models, and as long as the posts are funny and aren’t overly derogatory and are playful, I can see the amusement and laugh at myself. I certainly wouldn’t want to twist the meaning around, take issue, and private message someone. That is what haters do. I lack the time, the anger, or the general energy to verbally attack someone who has posted something on a social media platform. If I see something offensive, I merely MOVE ON without getting a bee in my bonnet and attacking the person who posted the item. The only exception would be if someone specifically mentions me and directly attacks me in a hostile way. Life is too short to start arguments and fret over minor things, especially when they are meant to be amusing.

Keep It Classy

July 27, 2014July 25, 2014drstaceynaito 2 Comments

I cannot understand why some young women resort to branding themselves by posting downright SLUTTY photos of themselves on social media channels. I have had disputes with people who have told me that posting those types of images is necessary if someone wants to build a huge following. What, pray tell, kind of following can one expect to build when the images which are posted regularly fall into the soft porn category? No one with a brain and staying power would ever seriously consider riding the wave of recognition primarily via bare-assed, here-I-am-in-my-underwear, bent over, come hither slut photos on social media channels on a consistent basis. Some girls will go even further and take selfies or professional shots which mimic the vantage point of a man doing certain unmentionable things to her. These women degrade themselves every single time they post these images, and they support the objectification of women which has kept the female gender from being taken completely seriously.

I am by no means saying that sexy photos aren’t acceptable. But it is definitely possible to be incredibly sexy without giving off that “I know you wanna do me” vibe. Young ladies who really want to have longevity in the fitness or modeling industry should post images which they won’t be embarrassed to show their children or grandchildren. I still don’t get why it has become so common for a hot woman (and even some men do this which irritates me too) to stand at her bathroom mirror in tiny panties and a bra (or sometimes just a forearm draped over naked breasts), strike a provocative pose, snap a selfie and post it for the world to see. I bet in five or ten years that most of these ladies will be struggling with the realization that they can’t take any of that back.

Please don’t think that I am a prude, because I am not. I also don’t have a problem with professional photos in lingerie. Heck, some lingerie is cut more generously than some bikinis, so I am not picking on the attire. It’s the combination of wardrobe selection (or lack thereof) with slutty, classless poses which has me taking issue. What can a red-blooded male do when he sees blatant tits-in-your-face pics with a facial expression that is usually only seen behind closed doors? It’s not the smartest thing to seduce hundreds or thousands of men that way, especially when you don’t know how many of those so-called admirers are mentally unstable. Keep in mind that with every social media post, you are building a foundation. Do you want to be known as the hot chick who always shows her goodies or as a strong and beautiful woman with substance?

Don’t Take It The Wrong Way…Friend Requests On My Personal Facebook Profile

July 17, 2014July 7, 2014drstaceynaito 2 Comments

I get a lot of Facebook friend requests each day, anywhere from 20 to over 100. I have maxed out on my profile a number of times over the years and have endured the weed-out process that some people will do in an effort to keep a personal profile truly personal or industry-related. This time, however, I am no longer able to clean up my friends list because I truly know the people on it. Despite being almost maxed out, I get random requests from people whom I do not know, and I have to delete these requests. Let’s do the math here: even if I wasn’t already right at 5,000 friends, how could I possibly add all the requests I get daily? If I had a friend-free profile, and received an average of 80 requests a day, I would max out in two months.

Some people are nice enough to message me beforehand, asking permission to send a friend request. What amazes me though, is how pushy and sometimes rude people can be when I kindly say no. Some people will cuss me out, saying that I am not that special and that they didn’t want to be friends with me anyway. Others will keep messaging me repeatedly, pleading with me to add them. Some will mention that “we have a few mutual friends” when I can see that the mutual friends are random. I have had to resort to blocking people who became aggressive or threatening. I have also gotten requests with messages along these lines: “You’re very beautiful. We should be friends.” This tells me that the person has no clue who I am, but just saw my avatar and thought I was hot.

I will be very clear and say that a message stream similar to the one you see above will never be endearing, only extremely annoying. Anyone who dares to scold me for not responding shows his or her insanity and gets blocked. What I don’t understand is how a complete stranger can conjure up notions that anyone with even the smallest bit of celebrity status is somehow a messaging buddy, a kindred spirit, a best friend, or a virtual lover? Sorry, but that just spells crazy, and I will not tolerate it.

So if you and I don’t know each other and you send a Facebook friend request which I reject, please don’t take it personally!

Block The Haters

June 3, 2014May 20, 2014drstaceynaito 1 Comment

It certainly seems to me that people have been extremely edgy these days, and I keep running into them. I know that a far more evolved response to people who spread negative energy is to approach them with compassion, but my sass level has been amped up lately, largely due to the fact that I am deep in contest prep and dealing with a ton of petty frustrations in my life. So at this point I will just hate the haters, until my level of enlightenment enables me to come from a place of neutrality, because it sure isn’t going to happen ten days before a competition!

Here’s a prime example of the weird and random stuff that has been thrown my way. The other day when a dog suddenly jumped on me and scratched my leg, and I went, “owww!”, the owner decided to get all snippy, saying it wasn’t HER fault the dog jumped on me, and when I said to let it go, she KEPT talking to me, getting literally up in my face, screaming, “No, you don’t understand!” I had to walk away from her nastiness.

Thankfully that incident was isolated, but one day every week I deal with the meanest people on the planet. There is a valet where I need to leave my car when I work at one facility, and it is run by four incredibly rude men who never smile, mumble angry things in Spanish under their breath (which I can UNDERSTAND), and get upset when I ask them for a receipt each time. I know they deal with an upper crust clientele which can be very demanding, but I certainly don’t see the point of being unfriendly to everyone who has to go through the valet there. I drive away with such a sense of relief, knowing I will leave that ugliness behind.

Lately I have also been getting negative energy from a few individuals who have decided to take issue with some of my social media posts. I do not tolerate such energy and always automatically block them, and if they are especially nasty or threatening, I will file an official report of abuse. I realize that I am more susceptible to such contentious people because I have built a name for myself and I put myself out there constantly, but it is not fair to blast me when my posts are primarily meant to inspire my fans and followers and entertain friends. The fact that some people go out of their way to be mean and to spread hate is mind-boggling to me. I begin to wonder what kind of karmic load they are carrying to spread so much negativity.

I am trying to hold onto the idea of a force field of positive energy around me, and hope it will somehow protect me from any further incidents before I step onstage. Perhaps this concept will blossom into compassion at some point, but this is definitely something I need to work on.

What is the best way to defuse hostility? It is always best to refrain from reacting to it. Physically walking away, ignoring hateful statements, employing the blocking feature on social media sites, email, and cell phones, smiling at the person who is being difficult can all work in neutralizing the bad energy.

I’m Fit Possible

April 27, 2014April 12, 2014drstaceynaito Leave a comment

I am very happy and honored to be an ambassador for I’m Fit Possible, which is a great social fitness community! You can visit their site and read inspiring and informative blog entries which will keep you on track and will lend support ad you go through your own fitness journey.

Click on the logo above to be redirected to the I’m Fit Possible site.

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