Tag psychology

Curbside Consults

drstaceynaito 1 Comment
Even though my board specialty is family practice, this works!

Even though my board specialty is family practice, this works!

Ask any physician if he or she minds being asked a medical question by a stranger or acquaintance while at a party, and I will bet that the answer will bean emphatic YES across the board. Just because we docs take the Hippocratic Oath and are committed to the service of healing does not mean that we want to be on call wherever we go, doling out free medical consultations to anyone who asks. I am waiting for the day when an auto mechanic asks me to diagnose a medical condition so that I can respond with, “Hey, you’re a mechanic. Would you mind looking at my car and telling me what that ticking noise is?” Honestly, I am SICK OF IT. I have people private message me on Facebook because they know that I am a doctor, and they will go in to great detail in their descriptions of whatever ailment plagues them, then implore me to diagnose them for free.

There have been instances in which my friends have introduced me to people and have said, “Oh! Stacey is a doc…you know what? You should ask her about that thing on your shoulder!”, which is immediately followed by a quick history and an expectation for me to provide a quick consultation and diagnosis. I almost want to say, “Do you have any idea how much my education cost? Do you know how much it costs me for the privilege of being a doctor? Yet you want a free consultation? I’m trying to get to my gym bag here!” There are a few professions which get such queries for free advice, such as massage therapists, chiropractors and attorneys. Perhaps we would communicate our exasperation more clearly if we just said, “You want fries with that?” when someone asked us for free professional advice. I think that reply would stop anyone dead in their tracks.

I implore any of you who are considering asking a doctor for medical advice to resist the urge. We often cannot diagnose sight unseen, and we certainly don’t wish to take on the liability of providing medical advise, diagnoses or treatment suggestions in such an environment. Though you may balk at the process of scheduling an appointment to see a physician and driving to the office, please understand that we cannot provide a fast food type service in medicine. When we are off the clock, let us enjoy our lives outside of medicine.

Comedy And Tragedy

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robin-williams_1Robin Williams’ suicide brought attention to the depression that often strikes entertainers, but sadly, he wasn’t the first comedic genius to take his own life. Freddie Prinz died at the age of 22, and Richard Jeni died right before his 50th birthday, both from self-inflicted gunshot wounds. Evidently, comedy can serve as an outlet for severe depression and psychosis, but the danger lies in the fact that making others people laugh can hide a dangerous secret.

I worked for Richard Jeni for over four years as his personal assistant, and as always blown away by his wit and his brilliance. Being a personal assistant required me to wear many hats, and it was not an easy job, especially when Rich was in one of his moods. He lived in a beautiful home in the Hollywood Hills which I had to maintain, and which, despite all of its creature comforts, always felt very empty. I helped Rich with everything from household related issues, to assistance with booking gigs and organizing travel, serving as his personal stylist, organizing recordings of sitcoms he studied, and traveling with him for Caroline’s Comedy Hour and one of his cable specials.

Rich never married and had no children, and I honestly couldn’t imagine him with a wife and kids because, he was frequently out of town on gigs, and HAD to have everything his own way. There were numerous times that I would find myself greeting a new girlfriend who suddenly was one of the fixtures in the house, only to see Rich’s outlook on life darken when the girlfriend eventually became the ex. I knew that though Rich was incredibly funny, and kept me in stitches when he would dictate his bits for me to transcribe, he was never happy. I knew so much about him, where he was born and raised, how he left law school to become a comic, what foods he wanted in his fridge at all times, what interior design aesthetic he preferred, where and how he wanted his clean laundry distributed, what wardrobe items he wanted me to scout out, etc., but I never knew the depths of his loneliness.

Though I quit working for Rich to embark on my medical education, we stayed in touch from time to time and in this way continued our friendship. The last time I had seen him was in 2005 when his cable special, “A Big Steaming Pile Of Me” premiered. He was paranoid and disjointed during the premiere, and exhibited bizarre behavior which turned out to be the early stages of paranoid schizophrenia.

I still remember seeing the headline on AOL News on March 11, 2007, which announced that Richard Jeni had shot himself in the face and was dead. It stunned me. It was also extremely strange to find out via the Internet, but with Rich’s modest celebrity status, it was appropriate. I still can’t fathom how he had come to the point where he took the gun and pointed the barrel at himself, but I also cannot understand how a family man like Robin Williams chose to wrap a belt around his neck and cut off his own life breath. Both deaths were tragic, unnecessary, and highlighted an insidious mental disease which lurks among people from all walks of life. No amount of money, success, or fame can ever guarantee the happiness of a human being.

In honor of Richard Jeni and Robin Williams, both of whom were brilliant comics, I am posting these videos for you to enjoy:

Pumas And Cougars, Oh My!

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I am the kind of woman who could to some extent be labeled a cougar, but I cringe at the negative connotations which this slang term has accumulated. Shows like Cougar Town certainly don’t help with the sexual overtones which this term suggest either. Here is the definition of COUGAR from Wikipedia:

Cougar is a slang term that refers to a woman who seeks sexual relations with considerably younger men. It typically refers to women aged 30–40 years old.[1][2] ABC News states that these women pursue sexual relations with people more than eight years younger than they are,[1] while The New York Times states that the women are over the age of 40 and aggressively pursue sexual relations with men in their twenties or thirties.[2] However, the term can also refer to any female who has a male partner much younger than herself, regardless of age or age difference.[3][4]

I have a major issue with societal conventions which expect the man to be older than the woman. With only a couple of exceptions, I have always dated men who were younger than me, yet never sought them out. It always boiled down to common interests and mutual attraction, and the age of a man never concerned me. My first younger man was eight months my junior, and we met while we were in our teens. Some of you may think I had some strange influence which pushed me to have an attraction to younger men, but that was never the case. I believe a major factor, though, is the fact that I look, feel, and act much younger than my chronological age would suggest. Besides, the concept of an older woman with a younger man is not a new one, as films such as The Graduate prove. Before you start thinking that this particular film may have colored my view, it was released in movie theaters when I was a year old.

In the United States, women who are in their 30’s who like younger men are referred to as pumas. In stark contrast, Linda Lowen states that the term puma is used quite differently in the UK:

http://womensissues.about.com/od/cougarwomen/f/What-Is-A-Puma-Definition-Of-Puma-Woman.htm
020-cougar

I began to dig deeper, and found this scale:

Age 0-12: Housecat
Age 13-17: Bobcat
Age 18-21: Wildcat
Age 22-29: Lynx
Age 30-39: Puma
Age 40-49: Cougar
Age 50-59: Jaguar
Age 60-68: Panther
Age 69: Pussycat
Age 70-79: Cheetah
Age 80-89: Leopard
Age 90-99: Tiger
Age 100+: Lion

(from urbandictionary.com)

I find this hilarious. Hopefully you will too. Who knows? Maybe I will make it to lion. 🙂

A Celeb Based On What?

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reality-tv-collage-scxg7n_0_1
Reality shows have created a bizarre phenomenon in which individuals with no real talent have become celebrities. At the risk of offending those of you who are fans of Paris Hilton, Kim Kardashian, or Snookie, I see no real reason to idolize these women who are tragic messes. I know that many were dazzled by the exorbitant lifestyles which Paris and Kim have been born into, and that others were intrigued by the partying lifestyle which Snookie led while on Jersey Shore, but these women lack talent. Money can buy many things, but it cannot buy talent, nor can it buy common sense. I know fans of Snookie applaud her for cleaning up her act and having a baby, but honestly, she needed to grow up. If she had continued on the track she was on before, she would have careened into serious mishaps which would have completely destroyed her.

Then we have shows like The Real World, Big Brother, The Bachelor, and The Bachelorette. How is it fair that people who are only remarkable for their desire to be followed by cameras can become so incredibly popular? The melding of reality TV with the game show concept has created a hybrid that draws viewers in but which heightens the contrived atmosphere of living in a house together while filming takes place. All the people living in the house are pitted against each other and want to win the big prize, which heightens tensions and theoretically makes good television. At least shows like America’s Next Top Model, Survivor, Amazing Race, America’s Got Talent, American Idol, The Voice, The Biggest Loser, and Project Runway showcase true talent, athleticism or a dogged determination to transform. I regard the individuals who have met with great success through talent based shows as worthy of the accolades and fandom which they have achieved from being on a reality show.

I see no value in shows like Here Comes Honey Boo Boo or The Real Housewives and find it laughable that the so-called stars of these shows achieved such recognition largely as a result of displaying their ridiculous and messed up lives without cowering in shame. I think if a family is going to be followed that most of the family members need to exhibit true star quality. Two families which I found rather interesting were the Osbournes and the Simmons family (Gene Simmons’ Family Jewels). I watched both of these shows while they were airing, and they held my interest because these families were powerful, talented and quirky, and also because I had been a fan of Black Sabbath and Kiss. Though both of these families actually possessed talent, this has not been the case for other musician families. As predicted, the networks milked this concept with a multitude of similar shows which have come and gone.

tv_gene_simmons_family_jewels01

Here is a link to a site which has a list of all the reality shows, and it is staggering in its immensity:

http://www.realitytvworld.com/realitytvworld/allshows.shtml

Hopefully a new generation of TV programming will emerge which will hold the interest of an increasingly overstimulated population and which will also award celebrity status to people who actually have the talent and star presence to deserve such an honor.

Bigger Breasts Are Not Better

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Very-Large-Breasts cropped
There is such a thing as TOO BIG when it comes to breasts that are surgically augmented. In my humble opinion the limit has been reached when each of a woman’s breasts is larger than her face. Some women don’t have a choice and have to deal with what Mother Nature bestowed upon them, but other women actually choose to go under the knife to have excessively large implants surgically installed. I have even heard women say pre-surgery that they were hoping to achieve a cartoonish Jessica Rabbit look with extremely large, round implants. In other words, they wanted their breasts to look fake.

When breasts look like distorted balloons, the natural curved architecture is lost. Another problem with extremely large implants is that men (and women) tend to regard women who have them as cheap, slutty, and lacking in intelligence. I realize that these are gross generalizations, but they are so common that any woman who tries to deny this is a fool. It’s important to be aware of how people may potentially regard you once you have a surgical augmentation, and if you have a problem with society’s impression of very large breasts, you might want to reconsider the size you are getting (if you don’t care, then more power to you!). Every once in a while I will see a beautiful woman with a delicate face and petite body who went overboard with the implants and as a result looks top heavy. For women who compete in the bodybuilding world, large implants can be very distracting, and not in a positive way.

Some augmented breasts may look alluring or eye catching when clothed, but horrifying when uncovered as a result of surgical revisions, scarring, ripples, unevenness, improper nipple position or capsular contracture. Almost every single woman I have talked to who has had extremely large implants (i.e., implants which have created a DDD or larger cup size) has had to have surgical revision. Some women who have had breast augmentation surgery also lose sensation in the nipples and in the breasts, obliterating that area of the body as an erogenous zone. It is also important to consider the anterior load on the chest which results from large implants and how it impacts posture. And forget about finding clothes off the rack that fit an extremely large bust.

The breast area is quite prone to body dysmorphia, which in large part explains why gargantuan breast implants are sometimes requested. Since the breast’s primary function is to provide nutrients to a baby, women and men will often equate a fuller or larger breast with greater fertility and femininity. While it is fine for a woman to desire larger breasts, selecting an extremely large implant size may only reinforce any insecurities about a woman’s sense of self and sexuality.

Conformity In The Medical World

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stethoscope-doctorBefore I dive into this topic, I want to make it very clear that I am proud and honored to be a physician. I endured four years of medical school and three years of residency training because I had a lifelong love of medicine and truly wanted to be a healer. That being said, I have never been nor will I ever be what is considered typical for a physician. Don’t expect me to talk about medical cases and read medical tomes when I am away from the office. Many of my colleagues are so unbalanced that they will eat, breathe and live medicine constantly, but that is not my style at all. Some of them are also social misfits and cannot talk about a non-medical topic without stumbling and bumbling. The social awkwardness of some physicians is so painful to witness that I find myself cringing and looking for a quick exit when social hour begins at a conference or medical dinner.

I keep my fitness background on low profile when in medical circles because I realize that some of my colleagues may regard what I do in the fitness world as highly irregular and downright scandalous. To be honest, I really don’t give a hoot what they think, but because I don’t enjoy being scrutinized by conservative types, I avoid discussing my fitness activities as much as possible when at medical events. I realize that aside from our medical backgrounds, my colleagues and I share almost NOTHING in common. What could I possibly say to a colleague who brings a stethoscope to a medical dinner (yes, I have seen colleagues do this!)? The lives of most docs are boring to an extreme and do not hold my interest. I am not saying that all doctors are like this, but I definitely keep my interaction those who act like medical snobs to a bare minimum. There are a few doctors who will make a point of pimping the other docs at a dinner table. Pimping refers to quizzing on medical topics and cases and is typically performed by a professor or proctor and directed at a student or resident during teaching forums or rotations. It is extremely tacky when a physician attempts to pimp his colleagues and is a clear sign of an inflated ego.
cardinals
I don’t mind standing out in the flock with plumage that is brighter. It honestly suits me. But it doesn’t mean I am less than the other doctors who are out there. I am licensed and board certified, a published medical researcher and see patients on a regular basis. Thank goodness I have a very full life, one that is so varied and exciting that I can easily escape the dry and often depressing climate of medicine and enjoy something that has twists and turns.

It’s MY Image And MY Branding

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I have been struggling to assemble various elements of my personal branding on my own, but this task has proven to be extremely challenging. One of the first things I worked on was a logo, but after seven months, I still have nothing to show for it. Part of the problem is that I only have ideas of what I want to convey, and I have to rely on the creative vision of a logo designer to interpret my ideas in a way that is cohesive with my brand. This project has dragged on and on, and I am now beginning to doubt whether I will have a logo before the end of the year. There are countless other things on my to-do list, such as compiling an email list, revamping my three websites, designing a newsletter template, etc. I don’t have the expertise, nor do I have the time to do all of these things on my own. So I have been sitting on these projects as well.

Another thing I was hoping to get into place was a public relations person to help me with my image and to increase my exposure. Here’s where I ran into another wall. I had a meeting recently with a very competent and talented PR person but as we continued to discuss my goals and my vision, I realized that there was a disconnect. This person went through my images online and explained why certain images fell outside the realm of certain goals I was trying to achieve. While I understood that some images were less conservative than what a typical physician would take, I also felt attacked and restrained. Part of what I love about being who I am right now is the fact that I AM atypical, that I am defying the odds, and that I am challenging stereotypes.
black tassel beach logo only 2
One thing this person told me was that I needed to consider what a certain television show producer would think of me if he saw how I portray myself on the internet. With all due respect, I don’t live my life for others, and I will NOT conform for the sake of being invited on someone else’s TV show. I have enjoyed my personal freedoms and feel that as long as I honor the boundaries of common decency, I am NOT going to start doing photo shoots in business suits. That is simply NOT me and I would be miserable if I was FORCED to do that. I will never be the kind of person who will fit in a neat little conservative box. Try doing that to me and I will rebel.

In an era where the more outlandish and crazy someone is on television, the more popular they are, why is it that I am expected to remain on the straight and narrow path, with the reins pulled tight against my expression and my personality? I honestly don’t want to EVER sell out and become what a TV network or what middle America expects me to be. Perhaps Dr. Oz’s popularity stems somewhat from his conservative vibe, but I can tell you that when it comes to image, I will never be a predictable female version of that guy. No way. Don’t expect me to wear scrubs on a national TV show or dress in conservative garb just to appease the viewers. I am an IFBB Bikini Pro and very proud of it. So what if I model swimwear and fitness apparel? So what if I like to look sexy? Since when is that a crime?

My plan is to keep doing what I am doing, remain true to myself, maintain my integrity and keep moving closer to my ultimate goals.

Respond To My Text!

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texting and IG
I cannot figure out why people these days are prone to ignoring texts. I understand that it can be difficult to respond to voicemail messages and email messages throughout the day, but is it so difficult to respond to someone’s text? I have a tendency to be quite brief with my texts, and I am by no means the type of person who engages in small talk via text, simply because I don’t have the time or the inclination to do such a thing. However, if someone texts me with an important or time sensitive question or issue, I am courteous enough to respond as quickly as I am able to. Accordingly, if I text someone about something important, I expect a response. If I have to keep texting, my irritation increases exponentially with each follow-up text, and I think to myself, why am I expending all this energy to follow up when this person is being so damned rude?

There was one situation I dealt with recently which irritated me to no end. It pertained to a poorly functioning central A/C unit in my home during triple digit weather, creating an ugent situation. I texted the property manager regarding the situation, and waited three days. When I got no response, I sent another text and also included a note with our rent checks. Instead of getting a text response, I received a call four days later from someone else at the management company who wanted to send someone that morning to look at the A/C. I agreed to it and someone was dispatched to our place that day. If you’re doing the math here, it took 7 days to address an urgent issue. When I returned home I saw evidence that the service technician had been in our place, but there were parts lying around so I texted the manager with questions regarding the parts. I then waited another WEEK before getting a call from the associate who finally addressed my questions regarding parts which were lying around, then told me that the manager was often out of town. Excuse me? If that was an issue, he should have sent a quick text or called me to clarify his situation instead of ignoring me like that. In my estimation, that shows a glaring lack of consideration.

It seems so strange to me that people avoid texting when it is the quickest and most convenient way to communicate via communication devices. I think it is downright RUDE when a person ignores a greeting or an expression of positive vibes which are sent via text. More recently, I have been blocking people who have repeatedly shown a lack of consideration and a complete absorption in themselves. Life is far too short to deal with such insults!

Customer Service?

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bad-serviceI went into a store today to make an exchange for products which I had purchased, and explained that I could not locate the receipt. The proprietor was rude and abrupt with me, responding to me with such derision that I came VERY close to telling him where to stick it and storming out of the store. However, I maintained a calm demeanor and continued to listen to his rant. He agreed to give me store credit for the items which was approximately 30% of what I had originally paid for the items, which I reluctantly agreed to. What bothered me was that I am sure he is quite accustomed to bartering in his homeland, but this is not something that is commonly practiced here in the United States. If I had the time to go to another store branch and deal with a nicer person, I would have, but I had to get this errand checked off my list.

I began asking him what he had in the store, and of course his store selection was a complete joke. He kept trying to sell me things I did not need, even when I showed him a LIST of items I was low on! I finally found one essential item which they had in stock (big surprise, it was the store brand), and when I asked what the price was, I almost fell over in shock. I flat out told him I could get that item (which was a BASIC item) online for a mere fraction of what he was charging. When I said that, I could see that he became immediately suspicious about my purchases, doubting whether I had truly purchased items from the store (YES, I had). I am not a liar and I don’t appreciate being accused of lying. His expression told me enough. Once again I wanted to walk out of that store.

Apparently the proprietor I dealt with does not believe that this is true...

Apparently the proprietor I dealt with does not believe that this is true…


I then asked him if he had a specific brand name product and he immediately tried to turn me to a product from a different brand which was not comparable to what I was asking about. He ARGUED with me, telling me that what he had in the store was the very same thing. I mentioned ingredients from both products to reveal the stark difference, but he persisted with his hard-sell attitude. It was very clear that he was accustomed to dealing with customers who didn’t know the first thing about the products he carried, and that he relied on feeding them convincing yet erroneous sales pitches to get them to spend a bundle of money on items they did not need.

One thing is for sure: the only way I would EVER step into that particular store is if I had an event there. In that scenario, I would be pleasant and would probably enjoy the look of confusion and embarrassment which would wash over the proprietor’s face. That would almost be worth the loss of money from the jacked up store credit I got from returning products I purchased there!

Lighten Up Already!

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I am astonished by the proportion of people on social media who take issue with innocuous posts. It’s almost as if people are losing their sense of humor and assuming the worst about others. I am tired of bullies verbally attacking me via private message on Facebook, telling me they were offended by a post I shared. Case in point: I recently shared a post which used the analogy of a Ferrari to describe a person’s body, and a bumper sticker as a reference to a tattoo. It was written in first person with no attacks against people who had tattoos. Approximately 8 hours after I had shared the post, a man (and I use that term loosely in light of how hostile he was) private messaged me, telling me how offended he was by my post and that he had lost considerable respect for me. He took personal issue where none existed, and on top of that, he attacked Ferrari owners. I attempted to calm him down by stating that there was no offense meant, and that there was nothing negative directed against people who had tattoos. Instead of calming him down, I apparently raised his ire because I had shared a screenshot of this particularly annoying message stream so that people could see how much I get bullied by people who have no business starting an argument. He blasted me again, stating that I posted derogatory remarks and that what I did was “typically American”.

Here are the message streams:

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1421081_782081588488946_316728432320147151_o

I have come to the realization that bullies like this are full of self-loathing, so much so that they feel compelled to lash out at others and perpetuate hostility instead of seeing the levity in a social media post. I have seen posts which have poked fun at bodybuilders, doctors, people over 40, and models, and as long as the posts are funny and aren’t overly derogatory and are playful, I can see the amusement and laugh at myself. I certainly wouldn’t want to twist the meaning around, take issue, and private message someone. That is what haters do. I lack the time, the anger, or the general energy to verbally attack someone who has posted something on a social media platform. If I see something offensive, I merely MOVE ON without getting a bee in my bonnet and attacking the person who posted the item. The only exception would be if someone specifically mentions me and directly attacks me in a hostile way. Life is too short to start arguments and fret over minor things, especially when they are meant to be amusing.