Tag psychology

Different Modeling Categories According To Modelingadvice.org

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I am posting this so that people can see the requirements for different types of models. This was copied from http://www.modelingadvice.org/Modeling_Categories.html

Modeling Categories
High Fashion Model
Usually 5’8” – 6’0” (175 cm) tall, a size 0 – 6, age thirteen to twenty-two, and measurements:
Bust: 32” – 34”, cup A, B, or C
Waist: 22” – 26”
Hips: 32” – 35”

Fashion Editorial Model
FEMALE: Usually 5’8” – 6’0” (175 cm) in height. Tall, thin build, narrow hips, smaller bust, and usually young. Ages start at fourteen up to early twenties.
Weight: 113 – 128 lbs.
Bust: 32” – 34”, cup A, B, sometimes C
Waist: 26” maximum
Hips: 35 1/2” maximum
MALE: 5’11” – 6’2” (180-188 cm)
in height. Tall, lean, well built, usually young. Ages fourteen to thirty-five.
Weight: 145 – 165 lbs.
Suit: 40 Regular (U.S. size)
Shirt: 15” – 15.5” x 34 – 35”
Waist: 32” – 34”
Inseam: 32” – 34”
Chest: 38” – 40”

Runway Model
FEMALE: 5’9” (180 cm) and up in height, very thin, narrow hips, small bust. Usually young: can be as young as fourteen to the early twenties.
Weight: 110 – 125 lbs.
Bust: 32” – 34”, cup A or B
Waist: 22” – 25”
Hip: 33”- 35”

MALE: 6’0” – 6’2” (183 – 188 cm) in height. Tall, lean build, usually young. Ages: fourteen to thirty-five.
Weight: 140 – 165 lbs.
Suit: 40 Regular
Shirt: 15” – 15.5” x 34” – 35”
Waist: 32” – 34”
Inseam: 32” – 34”
Chest: 34” – 40”

The “Commercial Print” Model
He or she will be featured in the ads you see everyday. Ads for cookware, pain relievers, hairspray, car insurance, floor cleaner; the list goes on. As a commercial model you may be portraying a character, like a “mom” or “bus driver” or “attorney”. Commercial models are also featured on the covers of magazines like Parenting, Golf Digest, and Travel and Leisure, or they can be seen in sales ads for companies like Target or Sears.
Catalogue Model
FEMALE: Usually 5’9” (175 cm) and up. Tall, lean build, measurements 34” – 24” – 34” (86 cm – 61 cm – 86 cm) and attractive.

MALE: 6’0” – 6’2” (183 – 188 cm), tall. Lean build, suit size 39 – 42 (U.S.) and attractive.

The “Fit” Model
A company hires a fit model to use as a real live mannequin to “fit” their clothes to. Many companies have used the same fit model for years and this can be a very steady and good paying job. This has only one size requirement. As a fit model, you must maintain a consistent size, and that size is whatever the client wants. This means you can’t lose or gain weight and your measurements must remain the same Fit models are both men and women, young and old, and could be a size 4 to a 14.

The “Showroom” Model
A showroom model will work either in a high-end department store or in a designer’s showroom. They wear or display the sample clothes and merchandise for the buyers or customers to see. Usually this is similar to a very informal runway show. There are some showroom models that make well over one hundred thousand dollars per year and they only work for one designer. This kind of work can be somewhat seasonal.

Showroom Model: They are typically taller, but there is quite a bit of flexibility in this category. No strict requirements, sizes vary from designer to designer.

Plus Model
She is usually 5’9” (175 cm) and up in height, starting at a standard U.S. size 8, up to a size 22. Plus models should have proportionate measurements based on their size,
between 34” – 25” – 37” and 40” – 31” – 42”. The waist should be at least 9” smaller than the hips and bust.

Petite Model
She is usually between 5’1” and 5’5”, and a dress size 2P or 4P. Her age is usually eighteen to twenty-five years old, and hips should be 34” or smaller.

The “Glamour” Model
She is all about sex appeal. She would be seen in car magazines (as the girl in a bikini lying across the hood) or hired for a bikini calendar, and she may be in a photo layout for a men’s magazine like Maxim, FHM, or even nude modeling for Playboy or other publications of that nature.
She is very good-looking, attractive to men, proportionate figure with a fuller bust. The desired age is eighteen to mid twenties.

Lingerie and Swimwear Model
Female, generally over the age of eighteen, tight, toned body, no cellulite or excessive muscles, thin waist, narrow hips, fuller bust. Flawless skin, not much body hair, very few moles, scars, or freckles. Models with naturally darker skin or a light tan color (not overly tan, and certainly no tan lines) are preferred.

The “Parts” Model
Sometimes a client may only need a hand for a shoot, perhaps to display a ring or a watch. Or, they might be doing a shampoo ad and just need a beautiful head of hair. When a model is booked for a specific feature (not including the face) it’s called “parts” modeling. So if a model has a specific “part” that looks good (like hands, hair, lips, teeth, legs, back, feet), they might get a “parts” booking.

The “Sophisticate” Model
Also can be called the 40 Plus division. He or she is forty years of age or older, looks great and is in great shape. The forty and older model can be booked in a variety of different categories: fashion, commercial, runway, catalogue, and more. They have a specific look (over forty) so many of these models stay very busy. Height is a plus, but this category has more flexibility.

The “Maternity” Model
This is becoming a very big category. Beautiful mothers-to-be are being seen on magazine covers, in print, on T.V. and in catalogues. The “baby bump” showing, it should be obvious that she is pregnant. Having good skin and being healthy is also a must.

The “Fitness” Model
He or she is featured on the cover of fitness magazines, in ads for energy drinks, protein bars, body building equipment, and health clubs A dedicated fitness regime, and a body in peak condition with very defined muscle tone.

The “Child” Model
These kids are seen in ads, commercials, on billboards, and catalogues. Children up to age eighteen with outgoing personalities and a parent to take them to auditions and jobs. Most child modeling work is cast with children twelve and younger.

The “Promotional & Trade Show” Model
He or she could be doing a variety of different jobs. Promotional jobs are usually short-term bookings anywhere from a few hours to a couple of days. Trade show models will work for a client during a trade show or convention by assisting the exhibitor or client in the promotion of their products or services. You just need to have an outgoing personality and a great attitude. Eighteen and older preferred.

The “Spokesmodel, Presenter, & Narrator
This is a little-known market that is extremely financially rewarding. Many trade show models will see professional spokespersons (both male and female) in various trade show booths delivering the company presentation several times per day. Models do not realize that they too can make that leap from trade show model to trade show presenter. Trade
show Spokesmodel/Presenter fees usually average one thousand dollars per day! To learn how to break into this little-known niche market, make a ton of money and potentially be enormously successful, go to http://www.TradeShowPresenterSecrets.com to launch your Spokesmodel/ Presenter career right now.

There are really no requirements or restrictions for this type of work although the presenters are typically older than eighteen and can continue working into their fifties. Almost anyone can start here!

Celebrity Model
They just need to be their fabulous, famous selves. They do want to keep out of trouble. Since celebrities are in the public eye and the paparazzi are always following them around they need to behave. If they get caught doing something wrong the endorsement deal might get canceled, and some of those endorsement deals are worth millions of dollars.

The “Supermodel
What do Gisele Bundchen, Adriana Lima, Heidi Klum, and Kate Moss have in common? They are all women at the top of the modeling game. To get to that status you have to really stand out, work hard, and remember: this is a business. If you are ready to kick it up notch, you may consider coaching with a professional. There are only a handful of supermodels. These models are seen everywhere: in all the fashion shows, on the covers of Vogue, W, and other fashion magazines; they get huge ad campaigns for companies like Burberry, Louis Vuitton, Revlon, and Victoria’s Secret. Supermodels use their fame to branch out starting their own clothing, jewelry, and make- up lines. Some have successfully switched over to an acting career.

Supermodel: She is one in a million, but remember you don’t have to be a supermodel to be a successful model.

Excerpted from “The Ultimate Beginner’s Guide To Modeling System” by Jennifer Autry

The Funhouse Mirror Effect Part 2: The Women’s Mirror

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h-MIRROR-UNDERWEAR-960x540

It almost seems to be an inherent part of a woman’s nature to be self-effacing, so much so that women often downplay or neglect their beauty and talents. In fact, I am willing to bet that if you placed an average looking man and an average looking woman in front of a mirror and asked them to assess their physical appearance, the man would concentrate on his assets, while the woman would immediately zone in on her imperfections and problem areas. Though the natural human tendency is to practice self-enhancement, in which we rank our abilities or physical attractiveness as higher than it actually is, women are exposed to physical ideals which bust their confidence and often plant a seed of self-loathing. How can an average woman feel good about herself when she sees rail thin models in fashion magazines who are excessively Photoshopped? Consider this: the average high fashion model has these body statistics:

Fashion Editorial Model
FEMALE: Usually 5’8” – 6’0” (175 cm) in height. Tall, thin build, narrow hips, smaller bust, and usually young. Ages start at fourteen up to early twenties.
Weight: 113 – 128 lbs.
Bust: 32” – 34”, cup A, B, sometimes C
Waist: 26” maximum
Hips: 35 1/2” maximum

Thank goodness the tide is turning in favor of a healthy, realistic view of women’s bodies. Women are beginning to understand that fashion magazines depict a view of the female form which is so far removed from reality that it isn’t reasonable to compare themselves to it. I love this passage from an article I read on this subject:

Perhaps we’re finally starting to realize that so much of what we see on TV, in the movies and in magazines is actually fake. A few women’s blogs — particularly Jezebel — have become sort of watchdogs for Photoshop fakery in women’s magazines. Most recently, the blog attained an untouched photo of Jennifer Aniston, posting the untouched picture next to the airbrushed photo of the actress that appeared in an Australian magazine.
“I think those are great because they really remind people that what they’re seeing in the magazines isn’t reality,” says David Frederick, a psychology researcher at the University of California, Los Angeles, who co-authored the survey along with researcher Kim Elsesser and professor Janet Lever of California State University, Los Angeles. “You’re taking someone who’s already considered really attractive, and then you’re saying, ‘She’s not enough; we have to do more to her.’ So you’re literally creating an impossible ideal. Even the perfect women aren’t perfect.”

I think it will take a while before we women are completely healed from the skewed perception of ideal female beauty which countless magazines, Barbie dolls, and fashion billboard ads have imprinted on us. It is that skewed view which contributes to the flaw-finding gaze which many women adopt when regarding themselves in the mirror and which makes that reflective surface act more like a funhouse fat mirror.

The Funhouse Mirror Effect Part 1: The Men’s Mirror

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break-the-blocks-1

Have you ever seen the cartoon in which a man is looking at himself in a mirror, and instead of seeing his beer belly, balding head and weak jaw, his reflection is that of an Adonis, with a chiseled jaw, washboard abs and a full head of glorious hair? I have encountered quite a few men (especially at the gym) who seem to have a reverse dysmorphia which has them thoroughly convinced that they are America’s Next Top Male Model. While I am all for a certain level of self-confidence no matter how closely a man resembles Golem from Lord of the Rings, I will never understand the boastful behavior and posturing that some less evolved representatives of the male human foolishly choose to display.

I am not suggesting that men don’t have insecurities, because I know they harbor doubts and feelings of inadequacy just like women do. But there is a stark difference between the male tendency to puff out his chest and confidently display his feathers (even if the display looks more like the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree), and the female tendency to amplify any imperfection. Lately I have seen far too many men walking or jogging on the sidewalk who clearly have no business being out in public sans shirt, but they seem completely oblivious to the negative effect their gelatinous bellies and hairy shoulders and back have on passerby. Part of me says bravo on the lack of concern over other people’s opinions, but the rest of me is desperately trying to keep my last meal down.

It appears that men’s inflated self-perception is more honest and congruent with what psychologists refer to as “self-enhancement”, in which people essentially give themselves the benefit of the doubt, exaggerating more desirable personality traits and skills, and considering themselves more physically attractive than they actually are. Of course we would all love to be above average, and thus nudge or enhance our views of ourselves. Believe it, and you can achieve it, I suppose, but it actually works. Most women will be more drawn to an average looking man who exudes confidence over a handsome fella who is self-effacing. Not that I have ever seen a great looking guy who lacked self-confidence, mind you, but confidence is very attractive for both genders.

Corsets And Waist Training

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https://www.yahoo.com/style/whats-the-deal-with-the-corset-training-101355906803.html

I am posting an article which I found the other day on Yahoo! Style which made me chuckle. Here is the original link as well. I will reserve comments until the end of the article.
X-Rays-Show-that-Women-Would-Destroy-their-Rib-Cages-due-to-Corsets-2
To the ways you can attempt to whittle your waist — Slim-Fast, side planks — add one more: Corset training.

The method, which requires you to cinch yourself into a corset for four to six hours a day, is popular with celebrities and has been intriguing many other women seeking hourglass shapes.

Both Kim and Khole Kardashian have tried it. Kim posted a picture of herself yesterday in her mom’s foyer wearing a corset — hers is from a company called “What A Waist” — with the caption “I’m really obsessed with waist training!”

Jessica Alba is a fan, too. She actually wore two at the same time to help her lose weight after both of her pregnancies. “It was brutal; it’s not for everyone,” she told Net-A-Porter. “I wore a double corset day and night for three months. It was sweaty, but worth it.”

Self-described “corset fetishist” Kelly Lee Dekay, 27, has been doing corset training for seven years, and claims she has a 16-inch waist because of it. “I loved how Batman’s outfit let him channel a different side of himself,” she told the Sun. “That’s what the corset does.”

Women have worn corsets for ages. In the 1500s, they smashed down their entire torso. Later, in the late 1800s or Victorian era, they were used to help define the waist. It’s thought that the reason ladies back then were always fainting was because their corsets were squeezing their internal organs and restricting their breathing.

In these modern times, however, women now think that wearing a corset can actually help you lose weight. The Cincher by AMIA claims, “[It can] sculpt inches from your midsection and enhance your curves while increasing thermal activity in your core.”

According to TheCorsetDiet.com, you can shed up to six pounds a week by wearing one of their custom-made waist shapers. The UK-based company describes the pressure from its corsets as “gentle hugging feeling.”

But when writer Rebecca Harrington tried wearing one, albeit from a different brand, she wrote on NYMag.com, “My breathing is slightly impaired, but I can still breathe; I just have to take short, staccato breaths. I try to drink coffee, and it’s very difficult. After four hours, I whip off the corset and throw it across the room. My waist has red welts on it.”

In reality, doctors say that the corset is not — I repeat not — helping you reshape your body with simple pressure. It’s simply so tight around your stomach that you won’t — or can’t — eat too much, and doctors roundly decry any kind of corset diet or waist training as a viable long-term weight loss method.

“It’s outrageous, and it just absolutely makes no medical sense whatsoever,” Keri Peterson, M.D., a physician at Lenox Hill Hospital in New York told Women’s Health.

It also could be dangerous. Wearing one could actually shift or compress your internal organs and fracture your ribs, Dr. Jyotindra Shah said. “People might put it so tight that the liver, spleen and kidneys could get bruised,” she told The Huffington Post.

Even “corset fetish” Dekay knows she has to remove hers sometimes. “It can be restrictive when climbing stairs,” she told the Sun. “You can’t carry heavy things as you could hurt yourself. I don’t go to the gym in it. That would be very dangerous as I lift weights.”

squeem-26r

Okay, here goes my commentary. I jumped on the corset bandwagon back in 2011 when I was informed that it was a very effective way to whittle the waist. During the time in which I diligently wore a corset (or two) several hours a day, every day, I noticed my waistline whittle down from 24 inches to 22-1/2 inches. So do I think it works? I KNOW it works.

I have to say I disagree with so-called doctors’comments that the corset prevents consumption of large amounts of food, thus resulting in weight loss. This just sounds like something one of my male colleagues would mutter. If caloric consumption is kept constant, women and men who engage in corset training WILL have a reduction in inches no matter what. This sounds like the typical uber conservative medical snobbery which makes other doctors the types of people I will NEVER choose to spend extensive periods of time with. I do agree that the practice of wearing a corset is outrageous, painful, and could be dangerous. But it DOES work. What price beauty?

Over the centuries, women have compressed their waistlines effectively with corsets, so it blows my mind that these narrow minded physicians have decided to toot their horns and express skepticism. As a physician who competes, I chose to give corsets a chance and had great results. I am glad that I didn’t allow the part of my brain which is trained in traditional Western medicine talk the competitor in me out of doing all that I could to make my waist smaller.

I would usually wear a neoprene wrap underneath my corset (or Squeem as it is somewhat affectionately called in the bodybuilding world due to one manufacturer brand), or one corset over a second. I would do this for at least 6 hours, sometimes as long as 14 hours. Was I uncomfortable? Yes. Did I sweat like a pig? You bet. Was it worth it? I think so.

I have dealt with the metal boning poking out as the corsets would wear out, and would glue them back into their channels, so I know all too well the sensation of metal poking into my underboob, my ribcage or my hip bone when the corsets began wearing out. I would have digestive upset, abdominal pain, and at times had difficulty breathing. During one stretch of time when I was wearing latex corsets, I developed painful lesions all over my back from the yeast overgrowth which resulted from the long hours of wear and the constant sweating. It took me over a year for my skin to heal from all those lesions, and I have a couple of permanent scars to mark my determination to sculpt a waistline that would win a Pro Card. Thankfully, I won that Pro Card in 2013 and almost immediately tossed the corsets aside.

Now I wear corsets from time to time if I feel the need to squeeze out extra water from my midsection, but I will probably never return to the days of wearing corsets for many hours, driving to work in pain because a metal boning was jabbing me in the rib, sweating profusely under nice clothing, and dealing with skin around my midsection which was constantly macerated, lighter in pigment, and showing signs of skin breakdown.

I know you ladies want to slim down the midsection, but please be careful when you wear corsets! It isn’t worth ruining your skin and compressing organs to wear these torture devices for extended periods of time. Give your skin and your torso a rest in between the sessions during which you are training your waist. I recommend wearing corsets for a 4 hour stretch.

Proud hapa

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I am described as a hapa in Hawaii, which means mixed or part. Typically this means part Asian or Malaysian, mixed with any other ethnicity, usually resulting in very exotic and often strikingly beautiful looks. Over the years I have noticed a strong sense of community among hapas, and this sense of community has strengthened over the years with the popularity of hapa celebrities such as Kristin Kreuk and Dean Cain. I am always fascinated by the combinations which result from such ethnic mixings, because they can be quite unpredictable. Hapas are often studied for their unusual phenotypic characteristics, and usually present an amusing puzzle for others to figure out. I personally get a kick out of people who try to guess what my ethnic blend is!

Kristin_kreuk_short_hair

Dean Cain

Dean Cain is 1/4 Japanese, while Kristin Kreuk is half Chinese. Can you see the Asian features in these celebrities?

I am still waiting to see if research marketing organizations catch onto the idea that more and more people are unable to check just one box when asked to describe their ethnicity. I think it is ridiculous that someone like me who is EXACTLY half Asian and half Caucasian must claim only one ethnicity. Since I was raised by my Japanese mother and had been exposed to a more Asian upbringing, I check off the Asian box. I also know of many people who have such complex ethnic mosaics that no single ethnic group dominates over the others in terms of percentage. Do these people have to go “eeny meeny miney mo” to fill out a survey?

A Note To Cyber Creeps

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Creep ModeThis is meant for all the men (and I use that term loosely) who seem to think nothing of hitting on women they see online. I am talking about guys who boldly send messages on social media commenting on how “hot” they think a woman is, and who are obviously looking for a casual hookup. I honestly believe that these creeps keep hitting on one woman after another in hopes that they will encounter someone with low self-esteem who is gullible enough to entertain the attention. Here are examples of recent communications I have received:

CREEP #1: 1. Hey, what kind of guys do u like? 2. Hey, why don’t u write back? Don’t have time for me? 3. U are a real tight ass, loosen your s*&% up babe

CREEP #2: 1. Hey u I saw your profile and u seem real nice and u are so f*&%^& sexy 2. Do u wanna be my online sex kitten? It will be fun and easy, u will love it!

Ladies know creeps
Hey creeps, here’s a news flash: NO female should have to put up with your come-ons. I am especially amazed that you have the balls to contact a career professional with a brain, an education, and a very full plate with a lame comment, and then get upset when the woman doesn’t fall all over you and spread her legs. You are DISGUSTING and clearly have too much time on your hands (actually, I know what is probably in your hands most of the time!). GET A LIFE. Quit preying on women, and shove your sociopathic behavior where the sun doesn’t shine. You are the kind of person that women need to protect themselves against.

LADIES, PLEASE don’t engage in conversations with these guys! BLOCK THEM. All they are looking for is a cheap thrill, and they have probably have burnt through all the women in their town and developed horrible reputations. What blows my mind is that there are celebrities who engage in this behavior, and will throw their celebrity status around like it is some kind of reward for the hapless female who is being preyed upon. These guys are downright dangerous and not worth your time. Don’t even bother trying to explain yourself if one of these douchebags tries to lay a guilt trip on you by insulting you when you don’t respond or if you tell them nicely to go away. There have been times when I have received messages which seemed benign, so I have responded with a “Thank you”, only to get blasted with manipulative, insulting comments which suddenly reveal the misogynistic personality of the guy who has tried to reel me in.

Ladies, RUN, don’t walk, away from these men!

Don’t Bully Your Coach

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personal-training-clientBefore I dive into this topic, I want to make sure that everyone understands that this is meant to be general, and is not directed at anyone in particular. But because I have had numerous conversations with other coaches and trainers recently who have described behavior in their clients which I find unacceptable, I thought this was a good topic to cover in my blog.

First of all, when you hire a coach or trainer, you are hiring that person for his or her knowledge, education and experience. When you challenge fee schedules that are in place, and expect the coach to give you bargain basement pricing just because you are short on funds, or because you don’t see why you should pay that much for someone else’s time, it is insulting to the coach. In addition, coaches and trainers are trying to run businesses and have expenses which need to be covered. I recently saw a quote on Instagram which I loved: “If you think a professional is expensive, wait until you hire an amateur.” Please keep this in mind when you are selecting a coach, and have respect for what they offer.

If a coach is designing a customized plan for you, do not expect the plan to be ready within minutes. It takes time to create a customized plan for a client, so please be patient. Once you get your plan, please do not ask incessant questions, especially if they are presented in the middle of the night. Since I am a physician, I understand what it means to be on call all the time, but I will not put up with a 2 am text asking me whether it’s okay to substitute swing lunges with seated leg curls!

Another sure way to aggravate your coach is to be non-compliant, whiny, and intent on changing every aspect of a well designed plan. Why even hire a professional to help you if you are dead set on being a person who uses the word CAN’T all the time? If you trust, admire and respect your coach, then let your coach work his or her magic and help you to reach your goals. Otherwise, you are wasting both your time and energy and those of your coach. Allow your coach to guide you and be your motivator, and speak up if you are faltering in your efforts or if your self-confidence is flagging. Let your coach be truly that: a coach.

How To Succeed With Your Fitness Goals

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For those of us who are in the fitness world, especially those of us who compete, there is so much structure to our regimens that it is easier to keep ourselves in line. We are conditioned to keep our blinders on and stay the course with food and training. But those who are not immersed in the world of fitness and bodybuilding tend to struggle more with a regular regimen. If no specific fitness or health goal is defined, people tend to zigzag with their regimens, adding more unscheduled fun meals, more alcohol, and more missed trips to the gym.

If you are one of those people who tend to fall off track more easily, there are some guidelines which you can follow (listed below) which will help to keep you in line. More importantly, however, you need to remind yourself WHY holding yourself accountable is beneficial. When you hold yourself accountable, you stoke a fire that propels you towards your health goals. By staying on track, you develop a “can-do” attitude which extends into all areas of your life.

Do somethingHere are some tips on how to keep you on track with your eating habits and exercise plan.

1. Train with a trainer. When you work out with a trainer, you become accountable to that trainer. You need to show up and do the work!
2. Train with a friend. Similar to training with a trainer, when you and a friend agree to meet for a workout, you hold each other accountable. I always recommend setting a day and time and then prohibiting each other from cancelling, no-showing or rescheduling.
3. Prep and pack your food in advance. Prepare your day’s food the night before and store it in individual serving containers so that you can easily pack them into a bag the next morning.
4. Keep junk foods and snacks out of your kitchen. If you have tempting foods in your kitchen, you risk sabotaging your own efforts to stay on a healthy eating plan.

Remember that you can maintain focus on healthy patterns. Keep your eye on the prize!

Say Thank You

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thank you
I truly believe that many people these days lack manners. It is relatively rare to hear those under the age of 40 say “thank you” when a gift or favor is bestowed upon them, and utterances such as “please” and “excuse me” also seem to be increasingly rare. Is this new generation of rudeness and self-entitlement here to stay? Failing to show gratitude is, in my humble opinion, a major character flaw. How hard is it to say THANK YOU, when someone does something nice for you? I don’t know how others were raised, but I was raised to say thank you even if I was given a gift I hated. My brain is programmed to say thank you whenever someone gives me something. Yet I have repeatedly witnessed younger individuals accept gestures and gifts without saying those two small words that carry so much positive energy.

Another thing I am hearing with less frequency is “excuse me” or “pardon me” if someone accidentally bumps another person. Some incredibly rude people have almost mowed me over because they weren’t paying attention to where they were walking or pushing their shopping carts. When this occurs, I can’t help but loudly say, “EXCUSE YOU!”, because I want them to at least be aware of how rude they are. This will at times get a “sorry” or “pardon me”, but at other times, the person angrily continues, spreading negative energy and bumping into people and store displays. I think some people honestly don’t know how to be happy, and that they cling to their anger and misery because it is all they know.

If you have a habit of neglecting to use the phrases mentioned above, try using them to see if they reframe how you see the world. Slow down and stop being so angry at the world. Be nice to people and appreciate their efforts when they do something nice. Express gratitude and spread joy. It’s amazing how powerful and healing saying thank you can be.

Nope, I Really Don’t Want Kids

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I do not want kids
People are continually amazed when I reveal my utter lack of desire to have children. Though I have found myself pondering the concept of having children while in relationships (including my most recent one), I find that as a single woman, I truly don’t see myself ever pursuing an opportunity to have a child. I have felt this way my entire life, even when I was married, and knew in my heart that unless a man swept me off my feet and somehow convinced me that having a child would be a great idea, that I would never willingly sign up for motherhood. Yes, I have come very close to agreeing to the whole kid thing, and I think I am probably still at risk of being somehow convinced that the idea might fly, but I would never make such a decision on my own. I have NEVER been the kind of woman who has watched children playing, or has seen babies in a nursery, and thought, I want one! I don’t yearn for the mother-child connection, and I don’t feel the need to create a mini-me.

There are a multitude of reasons besides my general lack of interest in the concept of having children which support my decision to remain child-free, but the three main reasons are:

1. KIDS ARE EXPENSIVE: Raising a child is unbelievably expensive. Be prepared to spend $245,000 to raise a child in the United States from birth at 2013 up to age 18. Here is a reference article so you can see the breakdown of costs:

http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation-now/2014/08/18/raising-child-cost-2013/14236535/

This is insane to me. I can barely get by as it is, and cannot imagine dealing with the financial burden of raising a child. No thank you.

2. TOO MUCH ON MY PLATE: I have so many projects that demand all of my time and focus, and am well aware of the fact that ALL of that would crumble if I were to have a child. Since I have no intention of redirecting my attention, no children will come into the picture. I certainly would never want to be a neglectful mother, and that is why I would relinquish all of the activities (EXCEPT gym time and eating clean!) that consume the bulk of my time and energy. I am not selfish enough to rob a child of all that he or she should experience, and would make every sacrifice to send the child to the best schools and provide everything possible. That would mean the end of all that I have known in my life as an independent woman.

3. I VALUE MY FREEDOM: It is pretty liberating to be able to leave at a moment’s notice (provided it doesn’t conflict with my work schedule) to go out of town, pop over to a store to run an errand, go out with friends from time to time, or just take a rare nap in the middle of the day. If I had a child, I would have to plan EVERYTHING in advance, arrange for child care, or take the child with me, along with diaper bag, formula, etc. I would feel so incredibly encumbered that I know my spirit would suffer.

i-cant-wait-to-have-kids
For those of you who wonder if I feel any sadness over being childless, I can tell you without hesitation that I value my freedom far more, and as a result, couldn’t be happier about the fact that I have no children. People still seem so shocked by that, as if an adult is supposed to feel some type of longing for parenthood. Society often regards people who choose not to have children as somehow inadequate, which is ridiculous, since those of us without children often have schedule flexibility which people with children can usually only fantasize about, and we have just as much value despite the lack of progeny.

I also find it extremely irritating and condescending when a WOMAN asks me if I have any children, and upon my negative reply, says, “Oh, yeah, that’s why you look so good.” This only prompts me to bust out photos of women in the fitness industry who have borne as many as SIX children and who rock washboard abs and fantastic muscularity and conditioning throughout their bodies. The desire to keep my body in its best shape ever has been a minor factor in my decision to avoid having children, but it by no means has been a primary reason. Fit women have proven over and over again that it is possible to bounce back into great shape after having children.

If you’re worried about me being child-free, remember that I love the flexibility and freedom in my life. I have pets whom I love dearly, and I have incredible friends. I don’t perceive any hole in my life because I never bore a child.