Tag dating

Pumas And Cougars, Oh My!

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I am the kind of woman who could to some extent be labeled a cougar, but I cringe at the negative connotations which this slang term has accumulated. Shows like Cougar Town certainly don’t help with the sexual overtones which this term suggest either. Here is the definition of COUGAR from Wikipedia:

Cougar is a slang term that refers to a woman who seeks sexual relations with considerably younger men. It typically refers to women aged 30–40 years old.[1][2] ABC News states that these women pursue sexual relations with people more than eight years younger than they are,[1] while The New York Times states that the women are over the age of 40 and aggressively pursue sexual relations with men in their twenties or thirties.[2] However, the term can also refer to any female who has a male partner much younger than herself, regardless of age or age difference.[3][4]

I have a major issue with societal conventions which expect the man to be older than the woman. With only a couple of exceptions, I have always dated men who were younger than me, yet never sought them out. It always boiled down to common interests and mutual attraction, and the age of a man never concerned me. My first younger man was eight months my junior, and we met while we were in our teens. Some of you may think I had some strange influence which pushed me to have an attraction to younger men, but that was never the case. I believe a major factor, though, is the fact that I look, feel, and act much younger than my chronological age would suggest. Besides, the concept of an older woman with a younger man is not a new one, as films such as The Graduate prove. Before you start thinking that this particular film may have colored my view, it was released in movie theaters when I was a year old.

In the United States, women who are in their 30’s who like younger men are referred to as pumas. In stark contrast, Linda Lowen states that the term puma is used quite differently in the UK:

http://womensissues.about.com/od/cougarwomen/f/What-Is-A-Puma-Definition-Of-Puma-Woman.htm
020-cougar

I began to dig deeper, and found this scale:

Age 0-12: Housecat
Age 13-17: Bobcat
Age 18-21: Wildcat
Age 22-29: Lynx
Age 30-39: Puma
Age 40-49: Cougar
Age 50-59: Jaguar
Age 60-68: Panther
Age 69: Pussycat
Age 70-79: Cheetah
Age 80-89: Leopard
Age 90-99: Tiger
Age 100+: Lion

(from urbandictionary.com)

I find this hilarious. Hopefully you will too. Who knows? Maybe I will make it to lion. 🙂

Facebook Is NOT A Dating Site

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FBI am extremely tired of the random strangers who find it necessary to troll around women’s Facebook profiles, look up relationship status, assess degree of hotness, then send suggestive and annoying emails in an effort to snag a date. Since when was Facebook designated as a dating website? When I get an email from someone who clearly has no idea who I am but simply came across my profile image and thought I was hot, my defense mechanisms are triggered, and I will not even bother to reply to the majority of such communications. I also fail to see the point of flirting with someone on the other side of the globe. Is it THAT difficult to meet eligible partners in one’s own country? Also, how does one propose to meet the object of his desire if she resides thousands of miles away in another country? This is of course assuming that the lady is interested, which in my case is NEVER applicable.

I am well aware of the cyberstalking that occurs when a man is interested in a woman he encounters online. To be honest, it is rather creepy. In the past four years, I have been asked out online via Facebook far more than I have been in person, and have been harrassed by men who were desperate to date me, even when I was in a committed relationship and cohabiting with my man. Some men will not take no for an answer and will pester a woman to the point where she must employ the blocking feature simply to get rid of the guy. I have had men call me every name in the book, threatening and insulting me when I rejected their cyber advances.

Ladies, be hyper-vigilant with these men! Do NOT allow them to manipulate you. The blocking feature on Facebook is a valuable tool, so USE IT. Men, be respectful and understand that most women will not be receptive to a complete stranger asking her out on a date via a non-dating website. If a woman rejects your offer to take her out, bow out graciously. Don’t be a jerk and insult her simply because your ego is bruised. Such behavior is sociopathic and misogynistic.

Facebook is a great social media site, so don’t abuse it.

Why Being Single Sucks

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Though I will never advocate staying in a relationship in which you are miserable for the sake of being in a relationship, I have always been relationship-minded. I am programmed to devote my time and energy to one man and am puzzled by people who can play the field without any difficulty. To me it is like eating a bunch of different foods at an all-you-can-eat buffet where there are so many choices that you never really savor the flavor of anything. Dating is so random, rather empty, and can often feel more like an interview than a social interaction.
couple-on-a-dinner-date-article
I have been single since April and have hated every minute of it. I hadn’t realized how ridiculously high my standards were until I gave some thought recently to the essential criteria which anyone who would spark my interest enough to date would need to possess. Such pondering has made me believe that the men I would gravitate towards only exist in fairy tales. How could I possibly find someone VERY fit (as in fitness model level or above), VERY attractive, tall, preferably younger, financially secure, geographically close, possessed of decent values, devoted, honest, interesting, affectionate, attentive without being clingy, chivalrous, generous, protective, open to a lifelong commitment, interested in attending fitness and bodybuilding events with me, who truly understands what clean eating is and who won’t sabotage my efforts to prep for shoots or contests? I would say that is a very tall order!

Another thing that runs through my mind is that it is very difficult for me to dine out, especially if I am prepping for a contest. Most restaurant fare is out for me. I am also amazed by how much alcohol some people like to consume during a dinner, and I find it horrifying. I wonder if the guy really needs all that booze to disinhibit himself, and I also become wary that such a man may become presumptuous at the end of the dinner and make an idiot out of himself by making some sort of overt and unwelcome pass at me. Besides, my cheat meals are few and far between, so there is no way I could fill my social calendar while also following a clean meal plan. My fitness goals are far more important than succumbing to peer pressure at a restaurant with someone I barely know!

Being in single mode means the interviews will take place and I will have to assess whether a man has any potential with respect to dating. Something tells me I will spend most of my nights in front of the TV alone instead of putting myself out there. I have no desire to potentially endure the dreaded date in which you know within minutes that there is no love connection and must suffer through the duration of the lunch or dinner. I am also not thrilled with the idea of losing time in the evenings when I could be writing articles, doing food prep or working out.

I truly miss being in a relationship. There is nothing better when the relationship is great and you are always made to feel special and loved no matter what. What I miss the most about being in a relationship is snuggling on the couch to watch a movie, waking up next to the man I love, seeing his personal belongings here and there in the house, his smell, his smile, and his kisses. Hopefully the universe will reward me eventually.