One Of My Worst Dating Experiences

Copyright: belchonock

If you’ve been in the dating world for any span of time, I am willing to bet that you have at least one story about a bad dating experience. There have been a few doozies in my dating life, but one in particular was particularly aggravating. I’ve gotten so many laughs from relaying the story about Max that I figured my subscribers would also get a chuckle out of it.

I met Max (and yes, that was his real name) at a Halloween party in 2009 at the Skirball Center on Sepulveda Blvd. While I was at the party, a very nondescript man who was not at all my type approached me, began talking to me, and followed me around. You guessed it, this was Max. He refused to leave my side, cockblocked a number of men who were my type, and just annoyed me to no end. When I decided to leave the party, he hounded me for my phone number, and for some utterly stupid reason, I gave it to him.

Max called me the next day, asking if I was free, to which I replied that I was watching Sunday NFL Football with my roommates. Without hesitation, Max invited himself over, and because I was so distracted by the activity in the house, I relented and gave him my address. When Max showed up at my place, he was empty handed, and promptly asked if we had beer or some other libation he could enjoy. I opened up a bottle of sake and poured two glasses. About 30 minutes after Max showed up, my two roommates stated that they were planning to put some burgers and chicken on the grill, and invited Max and me to join them in consuming the food. Once the food was cooked, the four of us sat in front of the TV, eating, drinking, and watching the game. A big smile broke on Max’s face, and he said, “Wow, this is awesome! I’m getting free food, free booze, and I’m watching football!” which made me cringe and also triggered concerned expressions on both my roommates’ faces.

Once the afternoon game was over, I told Max I had an early day the next day, and thanked him for coming over. Max stated that he would make it up to me the following week by taking me to dinner, to which I reluctantly agreed. Two days later, Max called me and we made plans to meet at a restaurant called Firefly in Studio City that Friday. For those of you who don’t know the restaurant, here is a portion of the current (2022) dinner menu:

Fried heritage chicken with mashed potatoes & gravy, horseradish slaw
and a damn fine buttermilk biscuit (or just as fine GF cornbread for the intolerant)   29 

Potato kugel with king trumpet mushrooms, roasted carrots, tofu creamed spinach and truffled demi   28
Red chile braised pork with crinkly sweet potatoes, collard greens, crispy mushrooms and pepita–cilantro salsa   30

 Zucchini, corn and poblano enchiladas verdes with black beans, romaine, pickled red onions and cashew crema   27

 Moqueca Baiana of rockfish, mussels and scallops with watercress–watermelon radish salad and jasmine rice   31

 Dijon crusted ocean trout filet with seared asparagus, quinoa–pine nut pilaf and sauce gribiche   33

 Baked mac ‘n cheese with cheddar, gruyere and parmesan bread crumbs   12

On Friday, Max and I met at the restaurant and were seated at a lovely al fresco table. The waiter brought menus and took our drink orders, which consisted of two similar mixed drinks on the rocks. Max perused the menu for several minutes, then looked over at me with a dissatisfied facial gesture. I asked him what was wrong, to which he replied, “I just don’t see anything that is grabbing me, ya know? I think I want to see if they can make a burger for me.” Since I wanted to be a good sport, I told him that if the chef was willing to accommodate his request, I would also have a burger. Well, Max got his wish, and we ordered burgers. We also ordered a second round of drinks.

The burgers were delicious, and our conversation flowed better than I thought it would, but since I felt no romantic spark with Max, I just wanted to get through the date without any awkwardness. Then the waiter placed the bill on the table while Max and I were talking about something that made us both laugh. While still laughing, Max picked up the bill, glanced at it, scowled, threw the bill onto the table, and remarked, “Oh, I can’t pay this!” I picked up the bill and saw that the total was $75, and because I wanted to be accommodating, I suggested that we split the bill, to which he agreed.

Two minutes later, Max scowled (this time at me), said “Wait a minute!”, and grabbed the bill. He studied it for a minute, then remarked, “The drink you ordered is $1 more than mine, and you had two of them, which means you owe $2 more than me.” I just sat there, dumbfounded. Was this guy really that cheap? I was so disgusted and so intent on getting out of that restaurant that I told him, “Don’t worry about it, I’ll pay the whole thing.” I proceeded to pay the entire bill plus tip, because Max didn’t even offer to leave the tip.

When we walked to the valet area to pick up our cars, Max said, “I’ll pay your valet fee if you let me come over” to which I replied, “No thank you, keep your $5.” Needless to say, there was no third date with Max, but he continued to call me, begging me to take him with me to Preview Night at the L.A. Auto Show. I had purchased two tickets (at $100 a pop), and mistakenly mentioned that I was going to the event and was waiting to hear back from a friend who said he wanted to join me. Max truly believed that I would have been willing to take him, on MY dime, to the event. I asked him to please stop calling me, and when he refused to leave me alone, I blocked his number.

I’d love to hear about your nightmare dating stories, so please share in the comments!

When You Just Don’t Like Him

Copyright: estradaanton

Have you ever met someone who seemed to have all the qualities you were looking for in a partner, then after getting to know each other, you kept getting reminders of how much you didn’t like the person? There are two men who come to mind, one whom I dated in 2019 (I’ll call him Sam), and one whom I met during the pandemic (let’s call him Rick). The fact that they were both intelligent and educated actually threw a major wrench in things, because I relish a good intellectual conversation, and didn’t realize that both men simply HAD to be right during any dispute, no matter what. The fact that I had political views which differed from both guys fueled quite a bit of animosity, which strengthened my conviction to avoid any chatter which veered in a political direction.

Things progressed very rapidly with Sam, and by the fourth date, he started referring to me as his girlfriend. Before I knew what was happening, he began to plan out every single weekend for us without consulting with me beforehand. He went so far as to tell me that I would be required to join him and his mother’s family for Thanksgiving, which I completely rejected. It was all too much, too fast, and my independent nature rebelled against Sam’s need to control every part of the relationship. He was also arrogant, had a tendency to insult others whom he deemed less intelligent than him, had the clammiest hands I have ever felt, and was clumsy and terrible in bed (sorry guys, but that matters). I finally ended our relationship after three months via a very heated phone call in which he kept insisting that he had plans for us, and that I was “disobeying” him by breaking up with him. That should tell you something about the hell I went through.

Rick was very different from Sam in a number of respects. First of all, Rick was into fitness and weightlifting, he was very easy on the eyes, and had a more laid back attitude. I soon realized that Rick’s laid back attitude was partially due to a general lack of interest he had in me, which meant that he just wouldn’t make an effort to see me. We’d make plans, and he would conveniently “forget”, stating that he didn’t think we had “PLANS plans”. Rick had even pulled this stunt on Valentine’s Day, when we made plans to get together, only to have him back out with that same lame excuse. The only time we had Zoom calls was when I would suggest that we schedule one, and we didn’t even go out in public until late July of this year. I bet if I hadn’t complained that we had only seen each other in person 6 times over the span of 8 months, and that we would meet either at his home or mine, we would have never gone anywhere. I enjoyed going to a restaurant so much that I suggested that we go out for sushi a month later, and stated that it would be my treat. I figured that at least I would be able to enjoy the sushi meal as well. It didn’t surprise me that Rick didn’t flake this time, and made sure to honor plans for the sushi dinner I had offered to finance. Only moments after I paid the bill, which was over $200, Rick actually complained that he preferred the plain sushi selections over the more exotic ones, so I decided right then and there that I would never take him for sushi again.

Rick had a tendency to dole out unsolicited medical advice numerous times when I mentioned maladies such as neck pain or a rash. Who on earth would have the nerve to deliver medical advice to a board certified physician? Rick would, and it infuriated me every single time. Another very rude habit he had was that he ALWAYS had his phone by his side, and would often look at it, even while I was talking to him. We also argued about politics, cars, and spending habits, and as I realized how little common sense this guy had, my attraction to him flickered out like a snuffed out candle.

One of these days, it would be nice to meet someone who isn’t contentious, arrogant, flaky, or controlling.

Pumas And Cougars, Oh My!

I am the kind of woman who could to some extent be labeled a cougar, but I cringe at the negative connotations which this slang term has accumulated. Shows like Cougar Town certainly don’t help with the sexual overtones which this term suggest either. Here is the definition of COUGAR from Wikipedia:

Cougar is a slang term that refers to a woman who seeks sexual relations with considerably younger men. It typically refers to women aged 30–40 years old.[1][2] ABC News states that these women pursue sexual relations with people more than eight years younger than they are,[1] while The New York Times states that the women are over the age of 40 and aggressively pursue sexual relations with men in their twenties or thirties.[2] However, the term can also refer to any female who has a male partner much younger than herself, regardless of age or age difference.[3][4]

I have a major issue with societal conventions which expect the man to be older than the woman. With only a couple of exceptions, I have always dated men who were younger than me, yet never sought them out. It always boiled down to common interests and mutual attraction, and the age of a man never concerned me. My first younger man was eight months my junior, and we met while we were in our teens. Some of you may think I had some strange influence which pushed me to have an attraction to younger men, but that was never the case. I believe a major factor, though, is the fact that I look, feel, and act much younger than my chronological age would suggest. Besides, the concept of an older woman with a younger man is not a new one, as films such as The Graduate prove. Before you start thinking that this particular film may have colored my view, it was released in movie theaters when I was a year old.

In the United States, women who are in their 30’s who like younger men are referred to as pumas. In stark contrast, Linda Lowen states that the term puma is used quite differently in the UK:

http://womensissues.about.com/od/cougarwomen/f/What-Is-A-Puma-Definition-Of-Puma-Woman.htm
020-cougar

I began to dig deeper, and found this scale:

Age 0-12: Housecat
Age 13-17: Bobcat
Age 18-21: Wildcat
Age 22-29: Lynx
Age 30-39: Puma
Age 40-49: Cougar
Age 50-59: Jaguar
Age 60-68: Panther
Age 69: Pussycat
Age 70-79: Cheetah
Age 80-89: Leopard
Age 90-99: Tiger
Age 100+: Lion

(from urbandictionary.com)

I find this hilarious. Hopefully you will too. Who knows? Maybe I will make it to lion. 🙂

Facebook Is NOT A Dating Site

FBI am extremely tired of the random strangers who find it necessary to troll around women’s Facebook profiles, look up relationship status, assess degree of hotness, then send suggestive and annoying emails in an effort to snag a date. Since when was Facebook designated as a dating website? When I get an email from someone who clearly has no idea who I am but simply came across my profile image and thought I was hot, my defense mechanisms are triggered, and I will not even bother to reply to the majority of such communications. I also fail to see the point of flirting with someone on the other side of the globe. Is it THAT difficult to meet eligible partners in one’s own country? Also, how does one propose to meet the object of his desire if she resides thousands of miles away in another country? This is of course assuming that the lady is interested, which in my case is NEVER applicable.

I am well aware of the cyberstalking that occurs when a man is interested in a woman he encounters online. To be honest, it is rather creepy. In the past four years, I have been asked out online via Facebook far more than I have been in person, and have been harrassed by men who were desperate to date me, even when I was in a committed relationship and cohabiting with my man. Some men will not take no for an answer and will pester a woman to the point where she must employ the blocking feature simply to get rid of the guy. I have had men call me every name in the book, threatening and insulting me when I rejected their cyber advances.

Ladies, be hyper-vigilant with these men! Do NOT allow them to manipulate you. The blocking feature on Facebook is a valuable tool, so USE IT. Men, be respectful and understand that most women will not be receptive to a complete stranger asking her out on a date via a non-dating website. If a woman rejects your offer to take her out, bow out graciously. Don’t be a jerk and insult her simply because your ego is bruised. Such behavior is sociopathic and misogynistic.

Facebook is a great social media site, so don’t abuse it.

Why Being Single Sucks

Though I will never advocate staying in a relationship in which you are miserable for the sake of being in a relationship, I have always been relationship-minded. I am programmed to devote my time and energy to one man and am puzzled by people who can play the field without any difficulty. To me it is like eating a bunch of different foods at an all-you-can-eat buffet where there are so many choices that you never really savor the flavor of anything. Dating is so random, rather empty, and can often feel more like an interview than a social interaction.
couple-on-a-dinner-date-article
I have been single since April and have hated every minute of it. I hadn’t realized how ridiculously high my standards were until I gave some thought recently to the essential criteria which anyone who would spark my interest enough to date would need to possess. Such pondering has made me believe that the men I would gravitate towards only exist in fairy tales. How could I possibly find someone VERY fit (as in fitness model level or above), VERY attractive, tall, preferably younger, financially secure, geographically close, possessed of decent values, devoted, honest, interesting, affectionate, attentive without being clingy, chivalrous, generous, protective, open to a lifelong commitment, interested in attending fitness and bodybuilding events with me, who truly understands what clean eating is and who won’t sabotage my efforts to prep for shoots or contests? I would say that is a very tall order!

Another thing that runs through my mind is that it is very difficult for me to dine out, especially if I am prepping for a contest. Most restaurant fare is out for me. I am also amazed by how much alcohol some people like to consume during a dinner, and I find it horrifying. I wonder if the guy really needs all that booze to disinhibit himself, and I also become wary that such a man may become presumptuous at the end of the dinner and make an idiot out of himself by making some sort of overt and unwelcome pass at me. Besides, my cheat meals are few and far between, so there is no way I could fill my social calendar while also following a clean meal plan. My fitness goals are far more important than succumbing to peer pressure at a restaurant with someone I barely know!

Being in single mode means the interviews will take place and I will have to assess whether a man has any potential with respect to dating. Something tells me I will spend most of my nights in front of the TV alone instead of putting myself out there. I have no desire to potentially endure the dreaded date in which you know within minutes that there is no love connection and must suffer through the duration of the lunch or dinner. I am also not thrilled with the idea of losing time in the evenings when I could be writing articles, doing food prep or working out.

I truly miss being in a relationship. There is nothing better when the relationship is great and you are always made to feel special and loved no matter what. What I miss the most about being in a relationship is snuggling on the couch to watch a movie, waking up next to the man I love, seeing his personal belongings here and there in the house, his smell, his smile, and his kisses. Hopefully the universe will reward me eventually.