Tag psychology

My Weekly Calls

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When my mother’s aneurysm rupture occurred in August of 2004, I immediately thought of two elderly ladies whom I considered surrogate mothers: one was my mother’s sister Jean, and the other was a dear friend of my mother’s and mine, whom everyone referred to as Frenchie. With my mother hovering over the edge of death, I made a sudden realization that I needed to reach out to these surrogate mothers more regularly. Anything could happen in an instant and forever change the lives of these women whom I adored.

My mother was in the Neurosurgical ICU at UCLA for two weeks, then spent another week on the med-surg floor recovering from two coil embolization procedures. Shortly after my mother was released from the hospital, I decided to call my aunt Jean and Frenchie every week to say hello and to check up on them. With only a few stark exceptions (such as trips out of the country), I was able to keep my promise to myself and to them over the years. To this day I still call Frenchie every week to chat.

Sadly, my aunt alienated the majority of the family four years ago and refused to speak to me for a year. Once she allowed me to contact her again, things weren’t the same, and what further complicated the situation was that she developed amyotropic lateral sclerosis (ALS, or Lou Gehrig’s Disease) in early 2016. ALS eventually robbed my aunt of her ability to speak, and she eventually passed away on December 20, 2016.

For any of you who keep pushing off contacting old friends or relatives, I implore you to contact them NOW. If you wait, it might be too late when you finally get around to it.

When You Can’t Make Yourself Like Someone

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Have you ever been in a situation in which someone just rubs you the wrong way, and no matter how you try, you just CAN’T get yourself to formulate a positive opinion of the person? This has happened to me many times in my life. More recently, two people have triggered my intense dislike to the point where I had to block one of them on social media. Without disclosing the identities of the people involved, I will merely describe the situations I have experienced with each of them. The situation with the female has been more subtle, and as a result, I have made more of an effort to like her (to no avail). The guy in the second example has been enough of an ass that I am much more adamant about keeping my distance from him.

The female I referenced had been perfectly nice until one bodybuilding contest a couple of years ago in which we competed against each other. Suddenly, I was the enemy, and she became even more disgusted when I placed higher than her. I know she was utterly convinced that she was much hotter, and much more deserving of a higher placing. I was taken aback by her energy but decided to brush it off. Two and a half years later, I cannot bring myself to say hello to her, to like her social media posts, or to offer flattering commentary when someone makes reference to her and asks me what I think of her. I just can’t do it. It all stems from her attitude from that one contest.

As for the fella who rubbed me the wrong way, the pressure to like him stems from the fact that he is romantically tied to one of my dearest friends. I truly WANTED to like him, but from the moment I met him, his energy was so shifty that I took an immediate dislike to him. My gut instinct told me this guy was bad news, yet I knew that my love-struck friend wouldn’t be able to process any comments from me that revealed how I really felt, so I kept my mouth shut. Then an incident occurred in which he hurled an insult at me (peppered with profanity) which was uncalled for. I was so shocked that I became unhinged, and told him exactly how I felt about him. Of course my friend was unfortunately caught up in the middle of that exchange, and our friendship has been adversely affected as a result. I DON’T LIKE THE GUY, and I cannot force myself to feign acceptance and respect for someone I can’t stand.

I believe it is very unhealthy to harbor a hidden dislike for someone. While I understand that one must maintain composure in business settings, I will never compromise my feelings or beliefs, especially when I am treated poorly by someone. If someone doesn’t want to play nice in the sandbox, I will just find another sandbox to play in!

Temper Tantrums

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Temper tantrums are usually connected to defiant toddlers who haven’t yet learned to apply a filter to their frustrations, so they let their emotions fly unbridled. Yet 2016 was earmarked as a year in which adults chose to drop their filters and act like complete idiots once the presidential election ended. Before I continue, let me just say that it doesn’t matter HOW I feel about the election results, and as a result I will not share my personal political views. This is merely an observation on how truly STUPID people became during and after the presidential election.

Suddenly, all common sense dissolved, people who were dissatisfied with the election results became pouty and petulant, and a few lesser evolved specimens chose to obstruct the freedoms of other citizens through protests. For example, a group of individuals in Los Angeles chose to block traffic on a major freeway.

In addition to the rash of temper tantrums which people were throwing, other individuals claimed emotional scarring and demanded special treatment as a result. Students at a prominent university were allowed to postpone their final exams if they claimed to be distraught by the election results. During the days I was in school, only a dire personal emergency would excuse a student from taking a final exam on the scheduled day.

The active emnity towards Donald Trump has resulted in increased security measures at the Trump Tower, and because Trump refuses to take up residence at the White House, such security measures promise to make NYC traffic unbearable for as long as he is in office and living in his own building.

I seriously doubt that Americans will grow up and see how childish their behavior has become.

How Social Media Has Messed Us Up

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The majority of us can’t even imagine being without our cell phones. The relatively tiny devices we carry around with us now function as GPS devices, marvelous computers which connect us to every part of the world, tie us into a massive information network which we have become entirely reliant on, and also happen to function as the basic communication aids which were originally invented by Italian inventor Antonio Meucci in 1849 (Alexander Graham Bell won the credit in 1876 as a result of winning the first U.S. patent).

Cell phones have become a necessity in modern society, but they have also caused us to develop compulsive behaviors which feed into the irresistible distraction which they present. Though you may deny it, I am willing to bet that you experience a certain level of anxiety if your cell phone battery power winds down, if you lose reception, if you lose a Wifi signal, or are somehow locked out of a website you need to access immediately. We have become so reliant on the immediate gratification which comes with doing a Google search on our Smartphones or iPhones that we have turned into petulant children when glitches occur. We are so dependent on our cellular devices that they have become security blankets.

Whether we like it or not, our reliance on cellular technology makes us less productive and less attentive to ordinary daily tasks. We could be sitting at work, cooking a meal, walking our dogs, or driving to work, while still concerned about what supposedly vital information we are missing by not staring at our phones. God forbid we miss our friends’ Facebook updates or allow our email inboxes to pile up as we try to navigate through a typical day! We are accustomed to having our phones close by at all times, and every time it makes a notification sound, we stop what we are doing to attend to our phones, which draws attention away from what we should really be focused on. Time ticks by, and suddenly, we are distracted from viewing a beautiful sunset. Even if we view that beautiful sunset, we tend to feel a compulsion to record the sunset by taking a picture of it with those confounded phones.

Even when we aren’t at work, our brains must sort through an enormous amount of information from our phones and computers. One 2011 study stated that we take in the equivalent of about 174 newspapers’ worth of information every single day. And since the brain’s ability to process information is limited, we often end up feeling overwhelmed and anxious as we try to power through all the information being thrown at us. Though the age of social media has enabled us to connect in novel and far-reaching ways, it also robs us of our attention and distracts us from other tasks.

It’s no wonder that the incidence of anxiety in our society has increased dramatically.

There should be a limit on the frequency with which we view social media sites. Be sure to set aside a brief designated time each day to check emails and peruse social media, then PUT YOUR PHONE AWAY. Leave the bulk of each day to relaxing, sightseeing, engaging in outdoor activities, and enjoying life. Trust me, your brain needs a break from the constant influx of technology.

Another disturbing reality about our attachment to cell phones is the false sense of community we feel as a result of social media notifications and texts. The perception is that we are part of a vast network, but the ironic thing is that we tend to access our cell phones while alone. This isolation from actual interaction can actually trigger loneliness and depression. From the moment we wake up until we rest our heads to sleep, our cell phones are always on. They even serve as our alarm clocks now!

Botox As An Antidepressant?

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The concept that Botox treatments can effectively treat depression has been around for a while, but a study surrounding this idea has recently been published in the Journal of the American Academy of Dermatology. Dr. Jason Reichenberg was able to determine that depression scores dropped over 40% in patients who had Botox treatments, versus 15% in patients who received a placebo. This was the case even in patients who were dissatisfied with the cosmetic result of Botox treatments.

The results point to Botox as an effective means of treating depression, especially in patients who are resistant to other treatments for depression. By relaxing the frontalis muscle and glabellar complex in the forehead, Botox makes it difficult for an individual to frown, which in turn appears to have a positive effect on mood and well-being. If you can’t frown, then you can’t fully experience the distress which a frown would ordinarily express, causing a modification of mood.

Botox is also used for correction of lines and wrinkles around the eyes, migraine headaches, temporomandibular joint disorder (TMJ), and excessive sweating.

For those of you in the Los Angeles area who are interested in Botox treatments, please visit http://www.drstaceynaito.com/botox-treatments

Where Does The Time Go?

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worried-woman-with-time-clockDo you know that feeling in which all your best laid plans for a day unravel like a knitting project being attacked by a kitten? I know the feeling all too well, and despite every effort I make to prevent such an occurrence, chaos presents itself EVERY SINGLE DAY. I know the problem boils down to having too much to do and not enough time in a day to get it all done. I end up feeling worthless and helpless when I have to move chores, errands, appointments and projects to another day, week or even month. The saddest part of moving things back in my schedule is that I tend to shove spiritual and expressive “fun” projects into a distant “someday”, simply because I do not want to seem selfish for immersing myself in them. As a result, I tend to starve my spirit and have caused a rift in my spiritual connection which is beginning to take its toll on me.

One way to break the cycle of signing up for too much to do is to take a step back, determine what takes top priority, and only put those items or events on your schedule so that you won’t feel overwhelmed. I realize that people these days are so incredibly busy that if the most basic and essential tasks are not added to a day’s schedule, they won’t get done. For example, I must schedule my workouts, errands, beauty treatments, plant watering and household cleaning tasks if I want to ensure that I will have time to complete them. Over the past several years, I have become accustomed to literally hitting the ground running when I start most of my days, without slowing down until late at night when I am home and have completed article writing and social media tasks. I often wonder if life really has to be this complicated all the time, and fantasize about being able to move through daily life without feeling like I am racing against time.

We tend to manufacture the frenetic schedules we complain of, and get so caught up in them that pausing for a moment seems alien to us. However, it is important to remember that taking a moment to pause and breathe does not have the negative repercussions we fear it does. You CAN put down your work for a little while and enjoy life. Allow your spirit and your body to reset so that you are refreshed instead of stressed out and frazzled.

Bound And Determined

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People frequently ask me what my biggest life goals are.  As a chronic overachiever, I entertain many different interests and am pretty fearless about diving into new ventures and determining whether I have talents which fee them. 

My BIGGEST passions lie in the fields of medicine and fitness.  From the time I obtained my bachelor’s degree in Exercise Science, I have been completely committed to fitness and to leading by example.  My medical degree is another feather in my cap which increases my knowledge and my influence, but I always strive to combine all my talents and interests together as much as I can in order to lend a number of perspectives on health, wellness, anti-aging and fitness.

My ultimate goals in medicine and fitness are to:

1) Have my own TV show.  A few years ago, I began stating that I wanted to become the female version of Dr. Oz.  I said this at first in jest, then became more intrigued by the idea until it became one of my ultimate goals.  I reasoned that if Dr. Oz can command the attention of women around the globe (his viewer demographic appears to be mostly women between their early 20’s and late 60’s), why couldn’t an attractive 50-year old female physician, fitness professional, IFBB Pro, writer, and model who is also highly experienced in aesthetic medicine, nutrition, fitness and anti-aging achieve something similar? That shift in thinking was all I needed to spark a tremendous goal which I am constantly trying to manifest. And come hell or high water, I will reach this goal.

2) Establish a foothold in the fitness industry as an icon for the older crowd.   This is also HUGE for me, whether it manifests via workout content, products which are sold with my name or endorsement on them, or even a specific show on television or the internet. Instead of allowing my chronological age to deter me from going after I want, I use it to empower my goal set and am proud of forging new ground in territories which other people may be afraid of stepping into. I also refuse to allow others to discourage me because they have narrow minded ideas about what someone my age should be doing. I will not be the stereotypical fuddy-duddy who grumbles about my age and who lets it block me from my goals.

3) Launch my own specialty skin care line.  I have wanted to do this ever since I held the position of Director of Cosmetic Research at a Los Angeles area hospital.  Since I am of mixed ethnicity I would love to tailor a line of skincare products and cosmetics towards individuals of multiple ethnicities who have unique concerns. I honestly believe that there are too many harsh and reactive chemicals which are used in skincare products and cosmetics, and also understand first-hand that people of color have different needs and issues.

4) Design women’s fitness apparel and swimsuits with a distinctive edge.  I have yet to see clothing and swimsuit designs which incorporate the design elements I have always wanted to see and which are edgy and appealing.  The only thing that has been my real stopping point here is that I cannot stand sewing! When I was 17, I designed an entire spring line of active apparel for a company, and was thrilled to see my vision made and sold. Decades later, I’d love the opportunity to delve into that world once more.

What do I want to be when I grow up?  Lots of things!  I will keep my nose to the grindstone to make these goals and dreams manifest.

Cheat Meals (Repost)

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The following article was posted a couple of years ago here on my blog site…

If you ask a competitor about favorite cheat meals, you had better expect the person’s eyes to glaze over as he or she lovingly describes his or her most beloved foods. You may wonder if cheat meals are only incorporated into the lives of fitness people, but they actually serve a purpose for anyone who is committed to healthy eating. Perhaps you have just embarked on a healthy food regimen and are struggling with it. When you incorporate one or two cheat meals into your plan each week you will boost your metabolism and foster a more balanced relationship with food.

Let’s face it. We are only human, and we carry our emotional relationship with food with us throughout our lives. If we were to practice a rigid adherence to a healthy meal plan without any fun meals, we would feel guilty if we were to ever indulge in a bad food in a moment of weakness. There is a diagnosable condition known as orthorexia in which people develop a mindset which demonizes all but the cleanest foods, and which sets up a cycle of shame and remorse every time forbidden foods are consumed.

Rather than punish yourself for eating anything which falls outside your concept of “clean” foods, you have a far better chance of harboring a healthy approach to food if you allow yourself to enjoy the occasional treat. If you know that you are allowed to eat a fun meal (I prefer this terminology over “cheat” meal), you can rest in the comfort that it is acceptable, and avoid the psychological spiral which can create unnecessary anxiety. This also works nicely if you tend to go to events on the weekends and don’t want to be the party-pooper who can’t ever eat anything that is being served.

When you eat a more calorie controlled meal plan during the rest of the week, a fun meal will speed up your metabolism and satisfy cravings that have been accumulating during the week. I believe it is important to eat something you truly crave instead of doing a small cheat. For example, if you are craving pizza, go ahead and have a couple of slices of pizza, and quit pretending that you would be perfectly happy with a rice cake topped with some tomato sauce as a substitution! Just make sure to eat an acceptable amount of food and don’t gorge yourself. This means exercising some self-control so that two pieces of pizza don’t turn into an entire large pepperoni pizza which you annihilate in one sitting.

I am often asked by weight management patients if a cheat day or a cheat weekend is acceptable. My response is no, for the simple reason that this creates a slippery slope which causes many individuals to lose self-control and spiral into the guilt-ridden “I messed up so why stop now?” mentality. If it is too difficult to do one fun meal per week, incorporate two smaller fun meals spaced by at least one day so that your body can recover.

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Bridezillas

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Just about every young girl dreams about her wedding day, so it’s no surprise that the wedding industry strives to make wedding dreams of every kind come true. Everyone who has ever fantasized about walking down the aisle has constructed an image of that special day, and women are especially prone to envisioning all the details, from the perfect gown, to the perfect venue, flowers, cake, etc.

Some women become so obsessed with ensuring that their wedding day is so magical and so perfect that they transform into what are better known as bridezillas. They often proclaim, “It’s MY day”, and their behavior will follow suit, as if the groom, the families, and the bridal party had nothing whatsoever to do with their wedding ceremony. Though wedding planning can be incredibly stressful (I speak from personal experience), there is absolutely NO excuse for the bride to suddenly turn into Queen Bitch during the planning stages. Yet this occurs often enough that the term “bridezilla” is pretty well known.

Perhaps the bride is stressed out about money, but the brattiest of brides often comes from money, and her parents are footing the bill. These ladies will often also choose the most expensive bridal gowns, the most elaborate floral arrangements, and a plethora of lavish accessories for the big day. In some cultures, there is tremendous pressure to spend an extravagant amount of money on a wedding, and the bride is treated like a centerpiece, which further feeds her delusional and narcissistic behavior.

If a couple hasn’t worked out their relationship issues, and the bride turns into a witch, the wedding will become a desperate measure to repair a faltering relationship. All couples should regard their wedding as a true celebration of what they have achieved together, instead of as a band-aid or a means of appeasing relatives who are pressuring them to wed. If communication is poor and multiple issues threaten the fabric of a relationship, the stress of planning a wedding will only fan the flames of discord. Add tension between families, financial pressure, and fussing over the thousand details which go into wedding planning, and the wedding ceremony can easily become a threat and a burden, instead of the joyous celebration it is supposed to be.

No relationship is perfect, but a wedding should be a celebration of what already IS and not what a couple WANTS it to be. And for you bridezillas out there, I implore you to remember that your big day should be about the fantastic relationship you have with your Prince Charming, and NOT about whether you get your way with every little thing.

The Social Media T and A Show

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Social media is pretty much here to stay, as evidenced by the worldwide participation which has emerged. Truth be told, it can be fantastic way to build a brand and to advertise products and services. However, social media has also provided very easy access to smut and porn of all degrees (I’m guessing at the extent here, since I have no idea how far that river extends). My belief is that as long as no one is getting hurt or bullied, all is fair and that the more salacious profiles should be able to do their thing. Seriously, if that’s your thing, then rock on.

However, this post is about the so-called “above board” profiles whose admins are young fitness women and men desperate to increase their following by whatever means they can. Here’s my contention: if you are truly a FITNESS person, the occasional selfie which features your ample bosom or buttocks seems reasonable, but if you are littering your Snapchat or Instagram account with images of your big fake twins (either pectoral or down south) and proclaiming that you are just trying to spread the love, you’re not fooling anyone. Guys are surely sending their “love”, and certainly not in a proper or flattering way. Why would you even take pride in growing numbers of followers if you know that you are only building an online spank bank for creeps?

I understand that some men are so creepy that they’ll get off on images of models in bras from a 1954 Sears catalog, but if you are posting pics of yourself bending over bare-assed, you are truly asking for attention from the least savory members of society. And if that’s the case, shame on you. The only value you have when you consistently post scandalous images of your barely-clothed body is as a hot piece of ass, and certainly not someone with any authority or intellectual merit, even if you hold three doctorates and have won a bunch of academic awards.

I’m not saying you can’t be sexy, but there is a lot to be said for leaving something to the imagination. If you are revealing any part of yourself which might only otherwise be revealed behind closed doors to the object of your lust, you’d better think twice about what kind of riff-raff such an image will attract.

A good filter to use when you are thinking of posting an image on social media is to ask yourself, “Would I be okay with my dad/mom/daughter/son/brother/sister/grandpa/grandma seeing this image?” Try not to rationalize the response, but really pay attention to what the image conveys, as well as what kind of audience it will draw in. Another good filter is to ask yourself, “Will I be proud or embarrassed about this image in 5/10/1/20/25/30 years?”

In summary, if you are a fitness person with a social media profile which features a constant display of body parts and crevices which should only be seen by your lover, and which are not in any way related to the porn industry, you might as well switch industries. That is, unless you want to be recognized for something other than your lady humps or your baby-maker!