The Mind Of A Competitor

Oh, to be a competitor in the world of bodybuilding. It is empowering, exhilarating, inspiring, stressful, challenging and at times heartbreaking. A fascinating psychology exists in this world which can best be described by listing some of the quirks competitors have.

Ripped versus “Fat”:

First of all, competitors develop a bizarre love-hate relationship with their bodies in which they marvel at their bodies when they are lean and muscular and in contest shape, but will curse their bodies when they are the slightest bit mushy or fluffy. Competitors live in a world in which the bar is set VERY high. Competitors will see themselves as fat when others see an amazing body and will say so. Competitors will always believe that the more ripped and lean they are, the better they are. While this is a necessary component of contest prep, it plays games with a person’s self-esteem because it is a constant battle to reach or remain at the pinnacle of leanness and muscularity.

2012 North American
Overtraining:

Some competitors will overtrain in an effort to get their bodies dialed in, without considering the inevitable damage they are doing to their bodies. Yes, we are warriors, and yes, it can be a great thing to push through, but with too much training, the law of diminishing returns kicks in. I completely relate to the principle of training constantly for a big contest because I have done it many times. I have endured double training and double cardio sessions which at times had me in the gym for five hours at a time. I have sustained injuries in my foot, ankle, knee, shoulder and forearm and continued my training because a big event was looming around the corner. Was it smart to train through injuries? No, but at the time I couldn’t imagine slowing down or stopping just because of a silly injury. This is the very thing I now scold clients about. No contest is worth hurting yourself!

“A judge told me I suck!”

Another thing that competitors have a habit of doing is worrying about what judges say and taking criticism hard. Competitors need to remember that bodybuilding, to a considerable degree, is a subjective sport, and if you are going to allow a judge to rip you apart and kill your spirit, then you probably shouldn’t be competing at all. The word of one judge is exactly that. Now if you speak to a bunch of judges and people in the sport who know what the ideal for the division you compete in is, and they all tell you the same thing, then you can probably assume that what they are all telling you is constructive criticism which you can then use as a reference when you make adjustments to your training program. That way, you will address certain weaknesses without throwing in the towel.

Money drain:

Bodybuilding is a VERY expensive sport. When you tally up the cost of food, supplements, coaching, competition apparel, spray tanning, accessories, hair styling and makeup application, travel expenses, and entry fees, the financial load can be immense. Competitors will often go broke, scraping up whatever money they have to make the dream of competing happen. This is not a poor man’s sport! That is why I tell competitors to establish a budget and be judicious about which events they want to do and what they can afford to do. I also advise competitors to seek out sponsors to help out with the enormous costs of competing. It is not unusual to see competitors forgo other hobbies and vacations in an effort to gather enough funds to support their competing habit.

Food Porn:

As a competitor who used to dream about food, I completely understand the fantasizing which occurs in competitors when on a contest prep meal plan. Contest prep meals are usually bland as a result of how clean they are, and some meal plans are so restrictive that one may eat only two food items throughout the day, such as chicken and asparagus. It’s only human nature to rebel against this type of meal plan after a while, because it is quite a chore to adhere to it every single day with no treats and no cheats. It is a normal occurrence for competitors to discuss what foods they plan to eat post-contest. What’s also interesting is that some competitors will become so rigid and so fearful of backlash from their coaches that they will only have a quasi-cheat meal post contest, then return to the same rigid eating plan they were on before. Other competitors may go off the deep end, eating everything in sight for days or weeks, only to deal with considerable rebound.

Conclusion:

Those of us who compete are indeed a strange breed. We are disciplined, driven and focused. I am fine with our quirks and accept them as part of the sport.

Why I Will Never Get A Tattoo

Tiger tattooI love tattoos. Many are so mind boggling and cool that I find myself looking a bit too long or staring outright at a beautiful work of ink. As an artist I have an eye for great art and I appreciate talent whenever I see it. It’s also encouraging to see that the stereotypes surrounding inked skin have faded to a large extent, and that people from all walks of life are going under the needle and getting mini masterpieces permanently placed on their bodies.

However, I have no desire to get a tattoo, and I will most likely go to my grave without any permanent ink etched into my skin. I have a number of reasons why I won’t get a tattoo, but the most important reason why is because I think skin is most beautiful in its unmarked form. I happen to have great skin which heals well and quickly, is soft, has a nice color to it, and is rarely ravaged by pimples or rashes. When I ponder the notion of a tattoo on my skin, it is completely unfathomable. Even when I place temporary tattoos on my skin, I can only stand them for about 24 hours before I am already thinking about removing them.

This leads me to my second reason, which is that the novelty would wear off and I would probably regret any design eventually. I have no need to brand myself or chronicle an event on my body. The most significant memories are etched into my brain and don’t need to reside on my skin. I have met far too many people who have endured painful tattoo removal procedures because they decided to remove ink which, for whatever reason, they no longer wish to have. One of the WORST reasons to get a tattoo is to celebrate a relationship. What if you guys split up? I actually have a close friend who had gotten a matching tattoo with his wife, only to divorce her after a few years and undergo several tattoo do-overs which resulted in an ever expanding mass of ink which my friend hated for the entire duration of the different permutations. Instead of having a 4 centimeter by 5 centimeter tattoo to remove, he now has a 9 centimeter by 11 centimeter mess which he is trying to remove, all because he thought he could fix it by making it into something different.

My third reason for not getting a tattoo is that I have a sneaking suspicion that I have the type of personality which would result in me collecting them, as many tattoo aficionados do. It seems that many tattooees have a potato chip philosophy, namely, “You can’t just have one!” I have no desire to clutter my skin with countless little masterpieces and symbols. I also have no desire to try to figure out how to cover ink when I have to be professional and work as a physician. Let’s face it, despite the fact that tattoos are now well accepted in mainstream society, I am sure that patients would not be comfortable seeing tattoos on their doctors. Thankfully, I do not have to contend with covering up anything other than my private parts when I dress. If I had ink, I might have to worry about wearing long sleeves all the time, which would make me absolutely miserable since I almost always run hot and can’t stand any sleeves most of the time.

I love art of all kinds, and I also love being the canvas for body painting. But what is so great about body painting is that I can wash it all off and return to flawless skin and a fresh canvas after the shoot is over. The permanent nature of tattoos is so unappealing to me that I will not cave in and agree to a tattoo. This in no way means that I have anything against individuals who rock the ink. More power to you. But don’t expect me to have a moment of weakness and decide to do something that goes completely against what I believe in as a physician who subspecializes in cosmetic dermatology. Just let me enjoy looking at the ink on other people while leaving my skin untouched.

Fat Days

Feel fat catI have never been overweight a single day in my life, but since everything is relative and since there is tremendous pressure on fitness models and competitors to be extremely lean, I definitely experience fat days. You know those days when you just feel fluffy, bloated, tubby, like a stuffed sausage? Yep, I have those days too. An extra layer of fluid and fat has recently taken up residence right over my abdominals, preventing them from fully coming out to play. I was in a runway show a week ago and when I had to do my runway walks, I was horrified when my thighs rubbed together as I walked. This was due to several factors: 1) My thighs are very thick right now from heavy training, more muscle mass, and higher carb intake, 2) I am holding extra water under my skin, and 3) a runway walk requires you to lead with your hips, which decreases the space between the thighs. It was not an enjoyable experience to be on the runway and feel like a cow! Yet I had to be professional and push through the job, despite how I was feeling about my body.

There are days when I don’t want to show my midsection, when a baggy tank and maxi skirt or a flowing maxi dress will be selected as my wardrobe for the day. I know many of you are probably thinking, “How dare she say she has fat days when she’s not fat, she models and is an IFBB Bikini Pro?”, and to that my response is, once again, that everything is relative. Most women can relate to the monthly bloat that rides in with Aunt Flow and busts any plans to wear tight dresses and skinny jeans, and what I experience is similar. Five pounds can make a HUGE difference on my frame. And while I am always presentable, I am not always super shredded and super lean.
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Hooray for elastic waistbands, Lycra, flowy burnout tank tops, maxi skirts and maxi dresses. We all need comfortable clothing that doesn’t magnify every single body flaw. Though I don’t wear sweats, I completely understand why people gravitate towards them on weekends or other lazy days. I have always been intrigued by people who hide under their clothing and can relate to the faltering body image which accompanies it. Do I have days when I feel like crap about my body? Oh yes. Though it is usually a rare occurrence, I have had days in which I have grabbed the most forgiving garment and avoided the mirror, the scale, and the measuring tape.

Those of us who have careers in fitness are particularly neurotic about being fluffy or soft. We obsess over any pocket of fat, and stress out when water retention causes mini muffin tops to develop over waistbands. We will reach for those squeems In desperation to squeeze out that subcutaneous water and shrink us down. Some of us even hide away and avoid fitness events and other social outings due to embarrassment. An excessive degree of body dysmorphia exists within the fitness community which is the inevitable result of constant pressure to look almost superhuman, with defined muscles, ripped abs and unnaturally low body fat. Basically, we in fitness are expected to look completely different from the average person, which creates tremendous pressure to ALWAYS look great. A fat day for an average person may flatten mood but ordinarily will have no impact on the person’s livelihood or reputation, whereas a fat day for a fitness person can at times translate into lost gigs and hence lost money and notoriety.
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If only we all could relax and enjoy those fat days, and be grateful that we are blessed with bodies that are marvels,instead of fixating on how our pants don’t fit. As long as you aren’t using fat days as an excuse to avoid fitness goals, it is perfectly acceptable to relax and take the pressure off yourself every once in a while. We aren’t perfect, and that is what makes us human.

Don’t Take It The Wrong Way…Friend Requests On My Personal Facebook Profile

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I get a lot of Facebook friend requests each day, anywhere from 20 to over 100. I have maxed out on my profile a number of times over the years and have endured the weed-out process that some people will do in an effort to keep a personal profile truly personal or industry-related. This time, however, I am no longer able to clean up my friends list because I truly know the people on it. Despite being almost maxed out, I get random requests from people whom I do not know, and I have to delete these requests. Let’s do the math here: even if I wasn’t already right at 5,000 friends, how could I possibly add all the requests I get daily? If I had a friend-free profile, and received an average of 80 requests a day, I would max out in two months.

Some people are nice enough to message me beforehand, asking permission to send a friend request. What amazes me though, is how pushy and sometimes rude people can be when I kindly say no. Some people will cuss me out, saying that I am not that special and that they didn’t want to be friends with me anyway. Others will keep messaging me repeatedly, pleading with me to add them. Some will mention that “we have a few mutual friends” when I can see that the mutual friends are random. I have had to resort to blocking people who became aggressive or threatening. I have also gotten requests with messages along these lines: “You’re very beautiful. We should be friends.” This tells me that the person has no clue who I am, but just saw my avatar and thought I was hot.

Persistent FB guy

I will be very clear and say that a message stream similar to the one you see above will never be endearing, only extremely annoying. Anyone who dares to scold me for not responding shows his or her insanity and gets blocked. What I don’t understand is how a complete stranger can conjure up notions that anyone with even the smallest bit of celebrity status is somehow a messaging buddy, a kindred spirit, a best friend, or a virtual lover? Sorry, but that just spells crazy, and I will not tolerate it.

So if you and I don’t know each other and you send a Facebook friend request which I reject, please don’t take it personally!

Spontaneity

Some people fly by the seats of their pants constantly and love navigating through life that way. Ideas like last-minute dinner plans, jaunts to the movie theater, or an unplanned weekend road trip flow through their minds like a constant river stream. I think that’s fine if you have enough free time to randomly throw new things into the mix, but I am the exact opposite. It’s not that I am incapable of being spontaneous, but with the packed schedule I have, I can’t just drop everything and do something unplanned at the last minute.

Here’s the extent of my spontaneity. If, by some odd and rare chance, I have a day or weekend which is not jam-packed, and someone contacts me to see if I can get together for a movie, dinner or other outing, I still need at least a day’s notice so that I can schedule my gym time and make sure that any random chores or errands I might have been planning to do get moved to another time or day. If it’s a weekend road trip or other getaway, I will never be available on a moment’s notice. I simply never have more than one free day on a weekend. As a matter of fact, I cannot fathom the idea of having an entire weekend free and wide open unless I move heaven and earth to make such a thing occur!

I can’t help but feel that there are two strong correlations at work when it comes to living spontaneously. First off, I have noticed that my friends who are very spontaneous on a consistent basis have creative careers and VERY flexible schedules which give them the freedom to move things around. In many cases they can work from home or, in some cases, completely take off from work. The other thing that I have noticed is that my more spontaneous friends tend to have attention deficit disorder, and are accustomed to bouncing around mentally. Both of these correlations are beginning to make me think that creative brilliance and attention deficit disorder go hand in hand.

Difficulties arise when a spontaneous spirit becomes shackled by a rigid schedule. Even the most spontaneous person, provided that person is responsible, will not be able to let loose and do things at the last minute if he or she has a crazy work schedule. It’s quite possible that my spontaneous energy got squashed many years ago when I began medical school, but I am more inclined to believe that I have always been more organized and regimented, and have sought the structure which defines my daily life. We create the environments in which we live.

Another thing I have noticed personally is that when I do something spontaneous, there are certain harsh critics in my life who will always question my decisions and make me feel as if I have made a terrible mistake by allowing myself to get a small taste of personal freedom. It has been a challenge to stand strong and support my beliefs when I make a decision which seems to be spontaneous or random to these critics. After all, I rarely change the rhythm of my life, and I think such a habit is in some respect a bit damaging to my spirit. My sense of wonder and fun often gets squashed by all of my career responsibilities and other obligations which keep me locked into a certain predictability.

Probably the most spontaneous thing I have done this year is to decide to see a movie by myself, and it was one of the most enjoyable days of the year. I had made a snap decision on a Saturday around noon to see a film I very much wanted to see which had just been released (“Grand Budapest Hotel”). I checked showtimes, finished my workout, went home to shower and change, then two hours later, was sitting in a movie theater by myself. Instead of waiting to schedule the activity into my busy schedule, I had just said, “screw it” and reworked my schedule to accommodate a fun two hour date with myself.

In conclusion, I believe that a certain amount of spontaneity, especially when added to a particularly demanding schedule, is healthy. I also think the “birds of a feather” concept applies when it comes to degrees of spontaneity. Spontaneous people should hang out with each other, while individuals who are more regimented would be better off scheduling outings with each other. Otherwise, a spontaneous person could get extremely frustrated, while the more rigid person would only become anxious with the last minute ideas a spontaneous person always seems to present.

“What Do You DO?”

people at partyOne of my pet peeves is when I am at an event and someone asks me what I “do”. It drives me nuts, as if the only thing defining who I am is what activity I engage in which enables me to keep a roof over my head and pay bills. It’s not like I am ashamed of what I do for a living. In fact it’s quite the contrary. But I don’t like throwing around the fact that I am a physician because it sets up erroneous preconceived notions about my personality, lifestyle, and income. It is only after I have been speaking to someone for a while and have been given an opportunity to mention fitness that I come alive and truly enjoy the conversation. I do NOT enjoy talking about my medical career. People do not seem to understand that not every physician works in a hospital, works full time, makes oodles of money, and enjoys talking about medicine 24/7.

Another thing I cannot stand about revealing my main career is that people seem to think nothing of asking for a curbside consult. Let’s say you are a certified public accountant. Would it bother you if I asked you a couple of tax questions just to make sure I am filing my tax receipts properly? Oh, it WOULD bother you? Well, I would appreciate it if you wouldn’t ask me to look at your sore elbow, or the rash on your left cheek (sometimes it’s even the nether cheek which is affected…NO, I don’t want to see it!), or your inflamed adenoids. When I am at an event, I am OFF DUTY, just like you are. So please don’t ask.

I know that some people love talking about what they do. If it stems from a true passion for what they do, that’s fantastic. However, there are plenty of situations in which I find myself conversing with someone who thinks that social conventions require everyone to discuss what they do for a living, no matter how unfulfilling or uninteresting the discussion is. I would honestly rather find out something interesting about a person, such as an unusual hobby, than to hear someone describe a work environment which holds zero interest for me.

I wish conversations were more heavily weighted towards truly learning about what makes a person tick instead of sizing someone up on the basis of how they make a living!

Mercury Retrograde, Solar Flares, Full Moon? Yikes!

mercurygodThe past week has been extremely difficult, fraught with high emotion, malfunctioning electronic devices, and illness. I returned home on Sunday June 8th after driving 400 miles from Sacramento with rock bottom placings at the Nor Cal, only to meet with emotional anguish from a couple of sources. The emotional roller coaster continued throuughout the entire week, and midway through the week, I ended up contracting the flu, getting so beaten down by illness that I was literally incapacitated for three days from it. It’s a big deal when I refrain from training, so when I tell you that I had to forgo training two days in a row, that is a clear sign of how sick I was. I literally could not budge from bed due to severe body aches, sore throat, cough, headache, dizziness, chills, and gut issues. I also had to take a day off from work which is also unheard of in my busy world.

I am not alone in what I experienced this past week. Emotions ran high with many people, probably largely due to the retrograde position of Mercury and the Full Moon on Thursday. Many individuals were also struck with the flu, which is unusual for this time of year. The strain which has been striking people is incredibly strong and will literally slam you so hard that you will feel like you got hit by a Mack truck. You will be so sore that even moving a limb while in bed is agonizing. It’s truly awful.

full moonAnother thing which I have been dealing with is a Smartphone which has given me ongoing grief for the past few weeks. My phone restarts spontaneously, switches to airplane mode, and for whatever bizarre reason is chewing up memory to the point where my next bill will be close to twice what it usually is. Thing is, I am not going to pay for additional charges when my phone wasn’t even functioning for the majority of the last two weeks! I am sure this has everything to do with Mercury retrograde and the nasty solar flares which interfere with electronics. There is nothing like the frustration of a phone which does not function and constant emails notifying me that I am being charged another $15 for 1 gigabyte of storage. I was charged $15 in the span of TWO days, during which time I barely even used my phone and had it turned OFF to conserve battery power because the phone was acting so strangely. How’s that for the wonders of technology?

Thank goodness a new week and fresh slate have arrived!

Some People Text TOO MUCH!

I cannot believe how some people seem to be addicted to texting, to the exclusion of actually speaking to others in person (that’s because they’re too distracted by texting incessantly). Call me old school, but I much prefer having discussions via phone or in person chats than via text. One of the most annoying things for me is to be presented with a multi-part question requiring a lengthy response. If that text is followed up with a number of similarly epic-length scrolls, I will often resort to text responses such as, “too much to text” or “tell you when I see you”, because it is agonizing for me to text an interminable response.
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I have determined a few types of texting addicts by their tendencies and styles:

THE ADVICE SEEKER: This person is always asking for advice, whether it be on what movie to see, what job offer to take, or what name would be most suitable for his new dog. Some people I know will regularly ask for medical advice which generally irritates me, since I do not treat patients remotely. I just recently had someone ask me detailed questions about an upcoming surgery. It took almost a half hour of my time to respond to all the texts, whereas if we had just talked on the phone, we could have covered the same material in about 5 minutes.

THE TOLSTOY: This person enjoys writing lengthy essays which, on certain phones, will come in 4, 5, 6 segments, each of which is lengthy enough to make your eyes cross. Such texts may take the form of a synopsis of the entire day, or if it has been a while since the person has texted, may summarize the last few weeks or months. If that’s the case, brace yourself for an endless stream of these essays.

THE WORD ASSOCIATION TEXTER: The word association texter employs a style of texting which reads like random thoughts which are wholly unrelated to each other. It’s a hippy-dippy, stream of consciousness style which makes little sense at all.

THE LAZY TEXTER: The lazy texter may get into a rhythm and text quite a bit, but the texts are full of typos and require you to play a guessing game and translate the gibberish. “Going to the gym around 7 am” may end up looking more like “Goidn ti the gtm arudhb 7 am”. What bugs me is that certain people have no problem sending an endless stream of these massively misspelled texts. It seems lazy and sloppy, and it drives me nuts.

THE “LOL” TEXTER: This person is evidently quite happy when texting, because he or she uses “LOL” like it’s a part of normal conversation. You may even see humorless texts from this person with “LOL” appended to them. An example of an actual text I received from someone a couple of years ago is, “Oh wow, that sucks about your dad in the hospital and all LOL”. HOW IS THAT FUNNY?

THE ABBREVIATION TEXTER: This person abbreviates everything from TTYL to SMH, IDK, etc. I wonder if people who have a tendency to do this begin to forget the actual words behind the abbreviations? Hah!

THE EMOTICON TEXTER: This person loves using the emoticons which have become so ingrained in our culture. You can open up a text exchange with this person and see smiley faces and frown faces peppered throughout the entire record.

THE ANGRY TEXTER: This type of person likes to argue via text instead of hashing it out via phone or face to face contact. Usually such arguments are the result of misinterpreted texts and are best avoided by speaking on the phone with each other, but the angry texter opts to communicate via text.

THE “WHATCHA DOING?” TEXTER: This person’s texts can follow you around like a puppy dog, with “whatcha doing?”, and “what are you up to?” used quite a bit. If you text “at work, can’t text now”, you will encourage this person to then send about 15 text messages in a row, with things like, “yeah, it’s a drag being at work”, “what are you working on?”, “Do you have a really busy schedule today?”, etc.

I honestly think people should rely less on texting technology and return to communicating by voice on the phones they carry around with them.

Botox Treatments Are NOT An Urgent Issue

injectables and faceWhile I appreciate the aesthetic benefits and self-confidence boost that injectables treatments confer upon the people who undergo them, I get very annoyed by the sense of urgency which some people adopt when it’s time to get treated again. I am not kidding you when I say I have had patients contact me asking for Botox, Dysport, Xeomin, Juvederm, Restylane, Perlane, Belotero, or Radiesse with a hint of desperation in their voices, as if it was a matter of life or death in getting a treatment lined up immediately.

In a way it makes perfect sense because these non-surgical fixes are a cost-effective way to smooth lines and furrows and restore lost volume. When the clock is turned back the first time and a new patient sees the results of injectables treatments, it’s a wonderful reveal which causes the patient to see himself or herself differently. The neurotoxins (Botox, Dysport and Xeomin) yield effects which last from 3 to 6 months, with muscle function gradually returning over time, along with the corresponding lines and wrinkles. Fillers have greater longevity and dissipate from 6 months to two years after the treatment is performed. The dissipation tends to be gradual, not sudden.

So when I have patients calling the office, calling me or texting me, insisting that they MUST come in IMMEDIATELY for treatment, I almost want to ask, “Where’s the fire?” Sometimes the request is on such short notice that I cannot accommodate it, which sometimes upsets the patient greatly. The response from the patient goes something like, “But I need it NOW! You need to do this for me. I’m sure you can find time in your schedule to stay late or somehow accommodate me.”

Such treatments are NEVER an emergency, and your face isn’t going to fall if you don’t get shot up with neurotoxin or filler immediately. Trust me on this!

Block The Haters

you are meanIt certainly seems to me that people have been extremely edgy these days, and I keep running into them. I know that a far more evolved response to people who spread negative energy is to approach them with compassion, but my sass level has been amped up lately, largely due to the fact that I am deep in contest prep and dealing with a ton of petty frustrations in my life. So at this point I will just hate the haters, until my level of enlightenment enables me to come from a place of neutrality, because it sure isn’t going to happen ten days before a competition!

Here’s a prime example of the weird and random stuff that has been thrown my way. The other day when a dog suddenly jumped on me and scratched my leg, and I went, “owww!”, the owner decided to get all snippy, saying it wasn’t HER fault the dog jumped on me, and when I said to let it go, she KEPT talking to me, getting literally up in my face, screaming, “No, you don’t understand!” I had to walk away from her nastiness.

Thankfully that incident was isolated, but one day every week I deal with the meanest people on the planet. There is a valet where I need to leave my car when I work at one facility, and it is run by four incredibly rude men who never smile, mumble angry things in Spanish under their breath (which I can UNDERSTAND), and get upset when I ask them for a receipt each time. I know they deal with an upper crust clientele which can be very demanding, but I certainly don’t see the point of being unfriendly to everyone who has to go through the valet there. I drive away with such a sense of relief, knowing I will leave that ugliness behind.

Lately I have also been getting negative energy from a few individuals who have decided to take issue with some of my social media posts. I do not tolerate such energy and always automatically block them, and if they are especially nasty or threatening, I will file an official report of abuse. I realize that I am more susceptible to such contentious people because I have built a name for myself and I put myself out there constantly, but it is not fair to blast me when my posts are primarily meant to inspire my fans and followers and entertain friends. The fact that some people go out of their way to be mean and to spread hate is mind-boggling to me. I begin to wonder what kind of karmic load they are carrying to spread so much negativity.

I am trying to hold onto the idea of a force field of positive energy around me, and hope it will somehow protect me from any further incidents before I step onstage. Perhaps this concept will blossom into compassion at some point, but this is definitely something I need to work on.

What is the best way to defuse hostility? It is always best to refrain from reacting to it. Physically walking away, ignoring hateful statements, employing the blocking feature on social media sites, email, and cell phones, smiling at the person who is being difficult can all work in neutralizing the bad energy.