Tag psychology

Working For Free

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Have you ever completed a work project which offered no compensation except for a pat on the back? If so, did it bother you? It should have. By agreeing to slave away (pun definitely intended here) at an assignment with full awareness that you would receive absolutely no monetary compensation, you just devalued yourself.

I am not talking about volunteer work, or favors which you offer to do for a family member or friend. I am also not talking about getting your feet wet by taking on a task in an unfamiliar area so that you can gain valuable experience. I am instead referring to situations in which you are asked to provide your knowledge, expertise and service in an area in which you excel, and are coaxed into it with the promise that it’s a one-time favor, or that there will be compensation sometime in the future.

As a result of my abiding loyalty to companies, friends, family, and pets, I am the type of person who never leaves. You can count on me, and I honor my word. One of my faults is that I assume that other people are the same way, and even when I can plainly see that I am being taken advantage of, I often still hang on. This type of behavior spilled over into the world of medicine, wellness and fitness for a while, but I have recently done a 180 and have cut off all of the companies and individuals who got too much of a good thing for too long.

In one situation, one company asked me to provide professional services on a monthly basis, stating that it would be unpaid to start out with, but that compensation would be given after a few months. Next thing I knew, I had provided those services free of charge for eighteen months! When I fired a warning shot, essentially stating that I no longer wanted to work for free, the company responded by inferring that the “exposure” I was receiving from them was payment enough. The funny thing is, I didn’t need the exposure, nor was this company in a position to help me. I merely agreed to the arrangement as a temporary favor to them, sort of a good faith move. All it ended up doing was getting me stuck in a monthly obligation which I got zero benefit from doing.

I am not trying to toot my horn, but time is money, and because I hold two degrees, am a board certified physician and have worked in the fitness industry for three decades, I have value which deserves proper compensation. Would you like to work for free, especially if it is in an area in which you have expertise? Let’s face it, we all need to find a way to bring money in. We have skills, we have knowledge, and we deserve to get a financial return for services rendered in our chosen work environment.

As a result of my decision to rid myself of any unpaid assignments or other elements in my life which were eroding my sense of self-worth, I finally severed the ties with the company I mentioned above. Though I used very professional and polite language, it felt so good to tell them that I was done being an indentured servant. No longer did I have to put their assignments in my calendar, or resent the fact that each one of those assignments chewed up a good hour or two of my time.

If you are the type of person who has a tendency to take on more than your schedule can handle, perhaps it’s time to evaluate your obligations and see if any of them are a threat to your self-worth. If they are unpaid, uncontracted, require your skills in an area in which you are considered an expert, and are contributing to a decline in your quality of life because they are a time burden, then you should consider dropping those obligations.

Hold Yourself Accountable (repost)

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do not give up

I posted this a couple of years ago, but felt it was a good idea to repost, so here you go:

It can be very difficult to stay on track with a structured meal plan or training regimen. Heck, I have even heard people talk about how difficult it is to remember to take daily supplements or to floss regularly. The parent inside of each of us often struggles to keep everything in line so that guilt doesn’t set in. When we fall off track, it can be very easy to rationalize the errant behavior, reasoning that perhaps we needed the extra carbs or needed to take a day off training after all.

For those of us who are in the fitness world, especially those who compete, there is so much structure to our regimens that it is easier to keep ourselves in line. We are conditioned to keep our blinders on and stay the course with food and training. But those who are not immersed in the world of fitness and bodybuilding tend to struggle more with a regular regimen. If no specific fitness or health goal is defined, people tend to zigzag with their regimens, adding more unscheduled fun meals, more alcohol, and more missed trips to the gym.

If you are one of those people who tend to fall off track more easily, there are some guidelines which you can follow (listed below) which will help to keep you in line. More importantly, however, you need to remind yourself WHY holding yourself accountable is beneficial. When you hold yourself accountable, you stoke a fire that propels you towards your health goals. By staying on track, you develop a “can-do” attitude which extends into all areas of your life.

Here are some tips on how to keep you on track with your eating habits and exercise plan.

1. Train with a trainer. When you work out with a trainer, you become accountable to that trainer. You need to show up and do the work!
2. Train with a friend. Similar to training with a trainer, when you and a friend agree to meet for a workout, you hold each other accountable. I always recommend setting a day and time and then prohibiting each other from cancelling, no-showing or rescheduling.
3. Prep and pack your food in advance. Prepare your day’s food the night before and store it in individual serving containers so that you can easily pack them into a bag the next morning.
4. Keep junk foods and snacks out of your kitchen. If you have tempting foods in your kitchen, you risk sabotaging your own efforts to stay on a healthy eating plan.

Remember that you can maintain focus on healthy patterns. Keep your eye on the prize!

Why Bikinis Are So Threatening To Women

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black bikinia

Men have it pretty easy when it comes to pool and beach attire. All they have to do is throw on a pair of swim trunks or board shorts, and they can hide underdeveloped quads or a case of no-ass-at-all without too much effort. Yes, men must display their chests and backs, but at least they don’t have to expose a wide expanse of skin during the summer.

It’s a completely different story with women. A standard bikini covers the strategic parts of a woman and, barring a wardrobe malfunction from a rogue wave or bold body movement, honors the rules of public decency. There are other bikinis, known as micro bikinis (they are also often referred to as dental floss bikinis), which leave very little to the imagination, and which only the most daring of women tend to wear. But let’s get back to the standard bikini, shall we?

A bikini still reveals everything about a woman’s shape, so she can’t hide any flaws. Unlike swim trunks which are loose enough to cover the groin, butt and thighs, a bikini nestles into all of a woman’s nooks and crannies and puts her entire body on full display. No wonder men are fans of bikini season! As if that isn’t enough, modern society has shamed women’s bodies for many decades and has enforced an ideal bikini body type which is intimidating to say the least. How many women can boast physiques which rival those of Sports Illustrated swimsuit models? That’s a lot of pressure. As a response to the newer perspective on women’s body image, Sports Illustrated boldly featured a plus size model on their 2016 Swimsuit issue, which ostensibly created controversy.

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2016 SI Swimsuit

I understand the threat of wearing a bikini, because it doesn’t hide extra winter fluff, pregnancy battle scars, or lack of exercise. But I honestly don’t think a woman should EVER feel ashamed of her body, whether she is in shape or not. There are so many flattering suit cuts available these days that women of all shapes and sizes can find something that fits her particular proportions the best and makes her feel confident and great.

The Magic Of Meditation

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Meditation is something I have engaged in regularly for over ten years, but my practice had dwindled in the past two years to a session every few months. This was partially due to the fact that the death of my meditation teacher had rattled me so deeply that I was unable to sit in a meditation without being distracted at some point by my own grief.

It took a major life event from early April to wake me up and make me realize that by neglecting my meditation practice, I had made my spirit weary and unbalanced, Since the cadence of my life had changed rather dramatically and suddenly, I decided that adopting regular habits like meditating would be good for me. I have been able to carve out time in my schedule to meditate daily over the last few weeks, and the effects have been profound and positive. On some days, I only have a few minutes to set up my zafu (meditation cushion), light incense and the candles on my meditation altar, and sit in the moment for mindfulness meditation, but I still make sure I meditate before crawling in bed each night. I am not joking when I say I think more clearly, feel more calm, and experience less anxiety after meditating daily over the last few weeks. I now look at my daily meditation sessions as important daily workouts for my mind and spirit. I swear that even my gym workouts are better as a result of meditation, because I am more focused and calm during gym time than I used to be. Things which used to irritate me sort of glide off me now.

Regular meditation has made a tremendous difference in my general demeanor and my outlook on life, and now I honestly look forward to my sessions. I strongly encourage everyone to meditate regularly, especially anyone who feels beaten down by life or who deals with constant stress. Meditation provides an excellent outlet for stress, and can lessen symptoms of depression, reduce blood pressure and boost immunity.

Before you say that there’s no time to meditate, I am willing to bet you that there are a few minutes each day you can spare to nurture your spirit. You can either take a few minutes first thing in the morning to sit and meditate, or do it right before you go to sleep. If you feel intimidated by the idea of sitting on a meditation cushion, you can simply sit on the floor comfortably, close your eyes, and focus on your breathing. Each time you inhale, allow your chest to expand, and pull your shoulders back. When you exhale, imagine pushing away all of the stress of the day, out of your body, and into the air. Keep breathing slowly and deeply with your eyes closed, and try to empty your mind of any random thoughts or feelings which may come up.

For a more detailed description of a great breathing meditation, read on. The original link can be found here: http://www.mindful.org/a-five-minute-breathing-meditation/

A 5-Minute Breathing Meditation To Cultivate Mindfulness

Reduce stress, anxiety, and negative emotions, cool yourself down when your temper flares, and sharpen your concentration skills.

By Greater Good Science Center | February 26, 2016

How do you cultivate mindfulness? One way is to meditate. A basic method is to focus your attention on your own breathing—a practice simply called “mindful breathing.” After setting aside time to practice mindful breathing, you’ll find it easier to focus attention on your breath in your daily life—an important skill to help you deal with stress, anxiety, and negative emotions, cool yourself down when your temper flares, and sharpen your ability to concentrate.

Time required:

15 minutes daily for at least a week (though evidence suggests that mindfulness increases the more you practice it).

How to do it

The most basic way to do mindful breathing is simply to focus your attention on your breath, the inhale and exhale. You can do this while standing, but ideally you’ll be sitting or even lying in a comfortable position. Your eyes may be open or closed, but you may find it easier to maintain your focus if you close your eyes. It can help to set aside a designated time for this exercise, but it can also help to practice it when you’re feeling particularly stressed or anxious. Experts believe a regular practice of mindful breathing can make it easier to do it in difficult situations.

Sometimes, especially when trying to calm yourself in a stressful moment, it might help to start by taking an exaggerated breath: a deep inhale through your nostrils (3 seconds), hold your breath (2 seconds), and a long exhale through your mouth (4 seconds). Otherwise, simply observe each breath without trying to adjust it; it may help to focus on the rise and fall of your chest or the sensation through your nostrils. As you do so, you may find that your mind wanders, distracted by thoughts or bodily sensations. That’s OK. Just notice that this is happening and gently bring your attention back to your breath.

Find a relaxed, comfortable position. You could be seated on a chair or on the floor on a cushion. Keep your back upright, but not too tight. Hands resting wherever they’re comfortable. Tongue on the roof of your mouth or wherever it’s comfortable.

Notice and relax your body. Try to notice the shape of your body, its weight. Let yourself relax and become curious about your body seated here—the sensations it experiences, the touch, the connection with the floor or the chair. Relax any areas of tightness or tension. Just breathe.

Tune into your breath. Feel the natural flow of breath—in, out. You don’t need to do anything to your breath. Not long, not short, just natural. Notice where you feel your breath in your body. It might be in your abdomen. It may be in your chest or throat or in your nostrils. See if you can feel the sensations of breath, one breath at a time. When one breath ends, the next breath begins.
Be kind to your wandering mind. Now as you do this, you might notice that your mind may start to wander. You may start thinking about other things. If this happens, it is not a problem. It’s very natural. Just notice that your mind has wandered. You can say “thinking” or “wandering” in your head softly. And then gently redirect your attention right back to the breathing.
Stay here for five to seven minutes. Notice your breath, in silence. From time to time, you’ll get lost in thought, then return to your breath.
Check in before you check out. After a few minutes, once again notice your body, your whole body, seated here. Let yourself relax even more deeply and then offer yourself some appreciation for doing this practice today.

One of the most beautiful things about meditation is that you can be fully in the moment, without holding onto the trappings of your day. Work obligations, chores, errands, and any other mundane distraction can wait. It’s a wonderful escape from the physical world and the ultimate way to attain balance and peace. Plus it’s free!

“Do You Still Compete?”

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First Place Masters Bikini 35+ B Class, Team Universe, July 2013

First Place Masters Bikini 35+ B Class, Team Universe, July 2013

Whenever I hear that question now, I have mixed feelings, which range from a sense of longing for the stage, to complete relief that I have not stepped onto a bodybuilding stage for close to two years now. My short answer to the question, “Do you still compete?” is “Probably not.”

Though I competed in four Pro Bikini events, I was struggling so much with metabolic damage and perimenopause that I often think it wasn’t the best idea to jump onto the Pro stage only 4 months after I won my IFBB Pro Card. That sort of strategy might work for a twenty-something competitor who is at the top of the heap, but it didn’t work for my 47-year old body which had been beaten down physically, emotionally, and mentally. I honestly needed a break, but I pushed through, and as a result had ho-hum placings.

It has taken over three years for my body to return to a level of leanness which I feel comfortable with. I know you might assume that I was in a massive spiral with my weight and body fat, but it wasn’t THAT bad, at least not compared with many other competitors who spiral. Nevertheless, I spent over two years with excess fluff that I was not accustomed to at all, and I couldn’t stand how I looked or felt.

Here’s the breakdown of my stats throughout the years:

From age 21 through 43: Between 104-109 lbs., 11-13% body fat
2010 – Age 44: 112-113 lbs., 12% body fat
2011 – Age 45: 114 lbs., 12% body fat
2012 – Age 46: 115 lbs., 12% body fat
2013 – Age 47: FIRST HALF OF YEAR: 117 lbs., 11% body fat SECOND HALF OF YEAR: 119-126 lbs., 13-18% body fat
2014 – Age 48: 121-125 lbs., 14-18% body fat
2015 – Age 49: 119-123 lbs., 12-15% body fat
2016 – (soon to be 50): 115-119 lbs., 11-13% body fat

It has been a veritable see-saw for me over the years. I also firmly believe that I would not have gone through menopause as early as I have if it had not been for all the metabolic insults I made to my poor body as a result of competing. Since 2013, I have investigated every possible cause for the water retention issues which rather suddenly hit me. This year I have FINALLY been able to rid myself of the excess fluid around my midsection, but somehow that was at the cost of the fullness in my glutes which I had worked so tirelessly to achieve during the years in which I competed.

If you ask me what my plans are for competing, don’t be surprised if I evade the question. I realize with each passing day that competing is no longer something which I rely on to define who I am. I have paid my dues and proven my worth, and though I completely understand why people have a drive to compete, I am no longer chomping at the bit to throw on a ridiculously expensive, blingy bikini and stripper heels and put myself at the mercy of a panel of judges.

Taking Youth For Granted – Part 2

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young-woman-feels-bad-about-eating-junk-food-smaller

Though there are plenty of young people who are fitness-conscious and practice healthy eating habits, there are also many who tempt fate by eating poorly, avoiding exercise and physcial activity, and who party every weekend. When I am at fitness events, I tend to see the fit people, but as a doctor, I see the individuals who don’t know how to take care of their bodies. As an example, I remember seeing one patient who, at the age of 20, was disgusted with herself, and who begged me to give her some advice on how to get in shape quickly and easily. She was about 20 pounds overweight, and it was obvious that she didn’t exercise at all. Her skin was dull and peppered with acne, and her eyes were bloodshot.

I was in the midst of giving the patient general recommendations on eating healthy and getting regular exercise, when she interrupted me. “Ummm, excuse me doc, but I’m not gonna stop eating at Burger King! It’s my daily stop for dinner, and it’s right by my work, so I can just pick it up and eat it in the car before I get home.” I was so stunned that I had to clarify the frequency of her visits with her to make sure I heard her right. Yes, she would visit the Burger King drive-thru every single night after she finished work, and would wolf down a burger in the car because she was always famished from not eating all day. Then she would go home and eat chips while sitting in front of the television. When I told her how unhealthy her eating habits were, she stated, “I don’t see what the big deal is anyway. I mean, I hate vegetables and all that healthy crap other people eat. Besides, I’m young, so it doesn’t even matter!”

That patient wasn’t the only one I have seen who refused to eat right and exercise, but she was particularly stubborn and set in her ways. She walked into that office not wanting me to truly help her, but instead wanted me to give her a prescription for a diet pill so that she could slim down for bikini season. I shook my head and told her that I don’t believe in them, and that I would not give her a prescription, whereupon she hopped off the examination table and said, “Whatever. I thought you were supposed to help people with weight loss shit, but I guess not. See ya.”

When I see young people eating all kinds of crap on a consistent basis, it saddens me, because I know that poor eating habits will have consequences on their health. Nine times out of ten, those same people will hit the clubs on the weekends and go on drinking binges. Some of them don’t even wait until the weekend to get their party on. I can guarantee that people who adopt atrocious habits like these will show signs of age much faster, and will put themselves at a much greater risk for developing diabetes, high cholesterol, high blood pressure, and cancer. Though they may think that their youthfulness protects them, they usually will get a wicked surprise down the line when disease processes begin to rear their ugly heads.

If you want to optimize your health for the long term, make sure to consume healthy food options the majority of the time, limit alcohol consumption, don’t smoke, and get plenty of regular exercise. Those measures can serve as the best insurance policy for wellness as you get older.

Taking Youth For Granted – Part 1

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stupid

There’s a saying I used to hear quite frequently when I was a teenager, which was, “Youth is wasted on the young.” What’s funny is that I can’t remember who used to say it, but I heard it enough times that it seeded in my brain as part of my belief system as I got older. The feeling of being invincible, and the illusion that time is limitless, can fool youngsters into thinking that all the opportunities which they are flooded with will always be there. They may be too busy having fun and partying to build a foundation for the future. Though I had enough common sense to keep myself out of trouble most of the time when I was younger, I had moments when I would do something foolish or rash, and in those moments, I would jeopardize my own chances of success. However, despite the times I stumbled, I was able to accomplish more than the average young adult, so perhaps youth wasn’t completely wasted on someone like me.

I have come across some very disciplined young adults who were able to explore and develop their talents without trudging into the muck of ambivalence and laziness. They were obviously encouraged by parents and educators to formulate dreams and pursue related goals. These impressive overachievers definitely didn’t waste their youth, but have transformed their vibrant energy, passion, and creativity into lofty achievements. They also have shown a tendency to create a real impact on others through their ingenuity, their compassion, and their drive, and by doing so, have become leaders who will leave a true legacy.

There’s an odd and delicate balance which young people are challenged to figure out. Though they are encouraged to grab life by the horns and go for it, they are also expected to have the sense to pace themselves and stick to the straight and narrow course during a time when distractions and temptations abound. It’s no mystery why some twenty-somethings may find themselves in a situation in which they have to repair their finances, become centered, and undo all the damage which playing or partying too much can create. I know I wouldn’t want to be a youngster again, and I certainly wouldn’t want to experience my youth in this day and age.

The best advice I can give to someone who is young is to BUILD FOR THE FUTURE. Sure, it can be fun to party on the weekends and hobnob with the movers and shakers in the social media world, but make sure you are working towards goals which enable you to grow as a person, which ensure financial stability for the future, and which give you a platform on which you can impact the world. Make sure that you are doing things that your parents can be proud of, and which your future children won’t be embarrassed by. Everything you do has some sort of impact, even if that impact is only on yourself.

Scheduled Calls With The Bestie

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talk-clipart-jba0871

My best friend and I met in 1975 and immediately clicked, not just because we were in the same class, but we were also both only children, bookworms, and sported a long cascade of hair (blonde for her, brunette for me). As we went through our school years, we were inseparable, and got into a fair amount of trouble together, mostly due to her propensity for bending the curfew rules her parents and my mother tried so desperately to enforce.

Two decades later, Diane married and had two children, and I was occasionally asked to babysit the kids. We remained close and though we lived in different counties, we made an effort to visit each other as much as possible. Then in 1997, she and her family relocated to northern Washington state, and I went off to medical school. The geographic shift reduced our visits to once a year, when Diane would come to Southern California to visit her parents and spend some time with me. I was able to make it up to Washington in 2010, when I competed in the NPC Emerald Cup Bodybuilding event. It was so important for me to see my best friend that I spent several extra days up there.

The last time Diane came down to visit was in 2011, right before both of her parents fell ill. Since that time, her father passed away, and both of our mothers became ill and were placed in care homes. Diane’s daughter moved into her own place. I became completely immersed in the world of competing, and spent so much time traveling to other parts of the country that my time and financial resources prevented me from traveling to Washington.

Over the past several years, Diane and I have catch-up conversations about once every 8 to 10 months. Our most recent conversation was scheduled via email, then rescheduled twice due to the fact that we both now contend with having far too much to do and insufficient time in which to get it all done. We had a wonderful chat two weeks ago which lasted for over an hour, which is a big deal for me because I ordinarily can’t stand being on the phone for more than a few minutes. Yet with Diane, I find that we need a good chunk of time on the phone to dig into all the topics we tend to discuss.

Sadly, we will have to schedule another call through email exchanges. We agreed to mark our calendars to contact each other regarding scheduling the call for sometime in May. I still remember when I would just pick up the phone (rotary dial land line) and call my best friend and classmate to chat. Times have certainly changed!

FitLife Magazine: Ladies First – Dr. Stacey Naito

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DSC_7848

I am honored and blessed to be featured in the Ladies First section of the March 30, 2016 edition of FITLife Magazine! Big thanks to Kevin Myles for a beautifully written article, Terry Goodlad for his fantastic photography and endless jokes, Ana Tigre for her input on wardrobe and for bringing the dogs, and Elaine Goodlad for her awesome makeup artistry. I am grateful to you all for making all of this possible. You’re wonderful!

Please also be sure to check out the other sections in this great online men’s fitness publication!

To read the feature, please click on the link below:

Ladies First – Dr. Stacey Naito

Cuss Words And Why I Like Them

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profanity
There is tremendous power in profanity, which is part of the reason why I like certain words. I don’t want to give you the impression that I am a complete foul-mouth, but I am certainly not going to lose my mind if the random S-bomb flies out of someone’s mouth or my mouth. I am very careful in certain situations, such as when I am around someone who finds cussing offensive, or when I am conversing with the majority of my patients. But the rest of the time, I don’t hold back at all, and sometimes surprise myself with the long strings of expletives which can tumble out of my mouth when I am all fired up. However, in these instances, I am usually alone in my car or at home, where I feel safe enough to open up a fresh can of obscenities and fling them into the air.

Let’s face it, many people like cuss words because they have personality. Some naughty words are so full of texture that you could almost bite right into them. For example, the word “fuck” has dimension and color to it. It’s lively, energetic, and emphatic, and that is exactly why I dig it. And in most cases, “fuck” is so benign that I honestly don’t think it deserves such a bad rap. Besides, there is something delicious about off-color utterances which supports our propensity for pushing the envelope.

I always find it puzzling that censorship laws still bleep out certain words, yet the context of the scene and dialog usually clearly give away the swear word which was spoken. At least the FCC got hip to what the public can tolerate on late night major network television, and allowed certain words, like “shit” and “asshole”, to let fly on shows like Conan.

What it comes down to is that the “bad words” which have been demonized in our culture are just WORDS. They don’t hurt people unless they are used in a malicious fashion to insult others, such as racial slurs. As long as we avoid words which are inflammatory, or used in a destructive manner, we shouldn’t have to fear them at all.