Tag men

Nice Comments Versus Inappropriate Comments

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One day last week, as I was walking from my car to the office, I passed by two construction workers who were standing on the sidewalk. As I walked by them, one of the workers remarked, “I hope I don’t sound inappropriate, but you walking by us just made my day.” I turned back, smiled and said thank you, to which he tipped his construction hat and smiled. I then resumed my walk to the office. That was it. No horrid cat calls, no wolf whistles, simply a nice compliment without any creepy vibes.

My general experience is that men who take the time to share comments with me out in public tend to be the nicest and most respectful men. They just deliver a compliment, without going into an awkward space by either trying to ask me out, or by making inappropriate comments or sounds. They seem to understand that while women enjoy being complimented, they do NOT like being objectified or hit on.

At the other extreme are guys who use social media platforms to display their tackiest and most disrespectful behavior. I can’t even count how many ridiculous direct messages I have received through Facebook and Instagram over the years, but there have been a lot, and the accounts have all been blocked. Sometimes it starts out with a nice comment, like “you are so beautiful”, but then morphs into “hey baby u so sexxxi I wanna f*** u”, quickly earning that individual a BLOCK. What I’d like to know is how many women are out there who actually respond in a positive fashion to this kind of talk? Are there women out there who are insecure enough to encourage this type of exchange?

Seriously, guys, if you find a woman beautiful or hot, and you don’t know her, please don’t be gross. We ladies truly don’t like it. All you are doing is giving your gender a bad rap. If you can’t keep it clean, then you should keep your words to yourself.

The Gentle Bull

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Okay ladies. Do you want to know how encourage your man to respond in a kind a gentle way when you are upset by something he has done or said? Quit bitching at him! Yes, you heard me right. I am playing devil’s advocate here and defending men who often have to deal with women completely unraveling on them.

A man usually gets utterly confused when a woman launches into a rant against him because he often strives to do things which please her. When she goes on and on with her complaints, the man feels like he has failed, and he feels emasculated. In some men, the confusion turns into anger because they simply don’t know what to do when they are pinned against the emotional ropes by a woman. A man’s brain doesn’t switch easily to the ebb and flow of a woman’s emotions, so he is often doomed to upset or disappoint a woman without ever intending to do so.

In order to have true and open communication which is constructive, both the man and the woman need to have the opportunity to voice concerns without fear of being verbally attacked by the other person. This type of communication requires effort by each person, or else it just won’t flow. However, with a little effort by each partner, issues which would ordinarily cause great conflict can be relatively pleasant and agreeable. The most important thing to remember in any relationship conflict is that the other person is not the enemy, but a partner with whom you have agreed to share your time, goals, and dreams with.

The Delicate Flower and the Bull Who Tramples On It

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I have to apologize in advance if this post sounds like a man-bashing. However, it is common for women to lament that men don’t take the time to just listen to them, and to have empathy when they are emotional.

I have definitely found myself in situations in which I feel like I need to apologize for being emotional or sensitive. I am never allowed to be upset, and I have to swallow everything upsetting thing like a bitter pill. I know that men and women speak different languages, but I will never understand why it is a problem if I happen to quietly voice a concern over an event which made me feel like a boot scraper at the front door. When my feelings are ignored, I can quickly progress from nice and sweet to angry.

Women don’t expect men to agree with them. They expect men to understand and empathize when they feel slighted by an incident. Men don’t want to feel emasculated either, so women should also take heed and pay attention to how they approach men after such an incident. In defense of women everywhere, though, many men tune out the instant a woman says, “What you did/said really hurt me”, and may even turn into ugly, mean bulls who trample over the woman’s emotions. Suddenly, only the man’s perspective matters, and he is never culpable, while the woman is made to feel like a whiny bitch, even if she is calm, gentle, and kind in her approach. It’s like a switch flips in a man’s brain, and a furious instinct to lash out asserts itself. When this happens, no resolution can be found.

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Before you men begin to think that this is about the man or the woman winning an argument, I will tell you that your perspective is really skewed. It isn’t about winning, and it isn’t about you versus the woman. That kind of viewpoint is confrontational, counterproductive, and puts you in a position in which the blinders are still on, and you can’t see anything but your own opinion. Instead of pounding on your chest and tuning out a woman who is in pain, perhaps you could listen to what she is saying and work with her. I can almost guarantee that an agreeable and open approach will yield much better results than resisting everything the woman says to you!

Inappropriate Things People Do

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There are times when I am completely flabbergasted by the things people do which clearly overstep the bounds of professionalism and decency. It seems like more and more individuals seem to have lost their social filters, perhaps because they are so fed up with all the stress which modern society flings at them. People seem more desperate these days, like they are grasping for meaning in their lives. What is odd is that my observation of human behavior in general these days has been a collection of unpredictable, risky, peculiar, and sometimes just plain psychotic behavior.

Here are my top three out of the latest collection of gripes against people who have done and said inappropriate things:

1. The man with whom I had a business interaction who decided that there was no problem taking my contact information which was submitted for business purposes and sending me an email asking me out! MY GOD. I berated him for his utter lack of professionalism and for being so presumptuous. I am NOT on the market, and at no time did I make any indication that I was, nor did I send any sort of flirtatious vibe. Though he apologized, he went on an on about how he had perceived a connection, and about how he should have asked me out in person. To the man who stepped over the line: You are delusional. There was NO CONNECTION, but I guess in your desperate mind, you wanted to believe there was one so you made it up in your messed up head. Just because a woman is nice and engages in conversation does NOT mean that she is interested in you! Also, mister, if you had asked me out in person, I would have openly scolded you right in front of your co-workers, so that would have been a horrible idea as well. My suggestion is for you to understand how unprofessional you are!

2. The disgusting people who repeatedly post disgusting porn images on my Facebook fan page. What sucks is that I cannot block them since they are doing it on my fan page. I am shocked that Facebook fails to protect the fan pages of users, allowing scumbags to post whatever they want. This is harassment and abuse, and it should be a reportable offense! There was only one time I was able to find one of the people when I went to my main personal page, and when I did, I blocked that jerk immediately.

1. The guy who boldly wrote to me via my landing page, trying to persuade me to open the lines of communication with him. I am not stupid, and I my “oh shit, this guy is hitting on me” radar went off. I wrote to him and asked if he was inquiring about training or nutrition programs, or if he was trying to establish a “social connection” as I put it. I also made it clear that if it was the latter, I was NOT interested. He had the gall to send me a photo of himself, stating that I should see what he looked like! Sorry buddy, the answer is still and always a big, fat NO! As a matter of fact, the fact that he was stubborn enough to send a photo of himself (thank goodness he was fully clothed in it!) angered me. When I say I am not interested, nothing can change my mind. So let it go already!

Sports Nutrition Supplement Guide – June Issue – Men’s Health Month

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Please read the great articles in the June issue of Sports Nutrition Supplement Guide, which focuses on Men’s Health:

http://www.sportsnutritionsupplementguide.com/latest-news/health-and-fitness-news/item/1507-men-s-health-month#.VYHEdPlVikp

The Funhouse Mirror Effect Part 1: The Men’s Mirror

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Have you ever seen the cartoon in which a man is looking at himself in a mirror, and instead of seeing his beer belly, balding head and weak jaw, his reflection is that of an Adonis, with a chiseled jaw, washboard abs and a full head of glorious hair? I have encountered quite a few men (especially at the gym) who seem to have a reverse dysmorphia which has them thoroughly convinced that they are America’s Next Top Male Model. While I am all for a certain level of self-confidence no matter how closely a man resembles Golem from Lord of the Rings, I will never understand the boastful behavior and posturing that some less evolved representatives of the male human foolishly choose to display.

I am not suggesting that men don’t have insecurities, because I know they harbor doubts and feelings of inadequacy just like women do. But there is a stark difference between the male tendency to puff out his chest and confidently display his feathers (even if the display looks more like the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree), and the female tendency to amplify any imperfection. Lately I have seen far too many men walking or jogging on the sidewalk who clearly have no business being out in public sans shirt, but they seem completely oblivious to the negative effect their gelatinous bellies and hairy shoulders and back have on passerby. Part of me says bravo on the lack of concern over other people’s opinions, but the rest of me is desperately trying to keep my last meal down.

It appears that men’s inflated self-perception is more honest and congruent with what psychologists refer to as “self-enhancement”, in which people essentially give themselves the benefit of the doubt, exaggerating more desirable personality traits and skills, and considering themselves more physically attractive than they actually are. Of course we would all love to be above average, and thus nudge or enhance our views of ourselves. Believe it, and you can achieve it, I suppose, but it actually works. Most women will be more drawn to an average looking man who exudes confidence over a handsome fella who is self-effacing. Not that I have ever seen a great looking guy who lacked self-confidence, mind you, but confidence is very attractive for both genders.

Facebook Is NOT A Dating Site

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FBI am extremely tired of the random strangers who find it necessary to troll around women’s Facebook profiles, look up relationship status, assess degree of hotness, then send suggestive and annoying emails in an effort to snag a date. Since when was Facebook designated as a dating website? When I get an email from someone who clearly has no idea who I am but simply came across my profile image and thought I was hot, my defense mechanisms are triggered, and I will not even bother to reply to the majority of such communications. I also fail to see the point of flirting with someone on the other side of the globe. Is it THAT difficult to meet eligible partners in one’s own country? Also, how does one propose to meet the object of his desire if she resides thousands of miles away in another country? This is of course assuming that the lady is interested, which in my case is NEVER applicable.

I am well aware of the cyberstalking that occurs when a man is interested in a woman he encounters online. To be honest, it is rather creepy. In the past four years, I have been asked out online via Facebook far more than I have been in person, and have been harrassed by men who were desperate to date me, even when I was in a committed relationship and cohabiting with my man. Some men will not take no for an answer and will pester a woman to the point where she must employ the blocking feature simply to get rid of the guy. I have had men call me every name in the book, threatening and insulting me when I rejected their cyber advances.

Ladies, be hyper-vigilant with these men! Do NOT allow them to manipulate you. The blocking feature on Facebook is a valuable tool, so USE IT. Men, be respectful and understand that most women will not be receptive to a complete stranger asking her out on a date via a non-dating website. If a woman rejects your offer to take her out, bow out graciously. Don’t be a jerk and insult her simply because your ego is bruised. Such behavior is sociopathic and misogynistic.

Facebook is a great social media site, so don’t abuse it.