Afraid You’ll Succeed?

May 25, 2017April 11, 2017drstaceynaito Leave a comment

This is a reposted article which I wrote a while back.

Have you ever considered the possibility that you are standing in your own way when it comes to achieving success in your life? Yes, you heard me right. You might not have even known that there was such a thing as a fear of success, and if not, you probably aren’t aware of how a fear of success can sabotage your efforts at getting ahead and put you on a short course to failure.

Though we may crave success deeply and feel driven to set specific goals to get us there, we may cripple ourselves by harboring a feeling that we don’t deserve to have success, or we may question our own abilities. Self-defeating thoughts like, “What if I fail?”, or “Maybe I don’t deserve to be successful” may fester in one’s mind. However, some people entertain an even more frightening thought which is “What if I succeed?” and may be so paralyzed by that fear that they talk themselves out of pursuing a goal which gives them purpose, joy and passion. Suddenly, the lure of success sours in the face of one’s own fears.

The fear of success is more powerful than the fear of failure because the former can trap individuals into established patterns which are comfortable and which prevent the movement and growth necessary to achieve success. The road to success, after all, is unpredictable and forces people out of their comfort zones. It demands tireless efforts which at times may be stalled by roadblocks, and those obstacles may stack up or appear at critical times when the temptation to give up is immense. As daunting as such challenges are in the pursuit of success, they must be overcome if the goal is to be attained.

A fear of success can manifest as procrastination, whereupon projects may be put on hold and excuses made about why there is no time to complete them. Feelings of guilt may take hold if you happen to attain a certain level of success which eludes your peers, friends or family. You may worry that success will in some ways change you and your environment. Though you may lament your current situation and crave big changes that would serve as markers of success, you might find the idea of all those changes incredibly distressing.

The road to success is also often a lonely one in which you may feel lost, perhaps because others may not understand your journey, or because you may be traveling in uncharted waters with no one to lead the way or guide you. There may be haters who try to derail you from your master plan, which is usually a good sign since it is an indication that you are doing something which is perceived as a threat to your competition. You might also think that once you become successful, somehow that success won’t be sustainable and that the proverbial coach will turn back into a pumpkin.

Success will usually put a spotlight on you and you will get attention. Some of you may believe that the attention is great, but when all eyes are on you, scrutinizing every move you make, you may find that it is incredibly distressing. Success comes with responsibilities which may frighten and intimidate you, and you may feel incredible pressure to prove your worth as a result of that boost in visibility. Contrast that with being ensconced in a comfortable pattern which provides a predictable environment, and you can see why so many people chicken out and drop their big goals. Once you achieve your goal and become a success, the goal you were chasing after becomes irrelevant because the beast has been vanquished. The taste of victory may be sweet, but life may lose its meaning and purpose in the aftermath of such an accomplishment.

There are a number of things you can do to maintain your enthusiasm and focus while carving a path to success:

Keep sight of your goals and purpose – Not only is it important to write down specific goals so that you have a blueprint of how you will achieve success, it is also essential to review those goals regularly to make sure that you stay on track and remember the purpose which drives your efforts. I recommend reviewing your master goals list at least once a week.

Gain knowledge – If you sense that your knowledge base is lagging, invest in educational pursuits which will add credibility and push you towards your goals faster. For example, talk to experts in the field you are trying to excel in, read books on pertinent subjects and take courses. Remember that your heroes can eventually become your rivals if you learn from them and pattern your behavior after them.

Become inspired by the people who believe in you – Chances are that you have people around you (spouse, family members, coworkers, fans) who completely believe in you, are inspired by you, and want to see you succeed. Though you may feel pressure to succeed and a sense of obligation as a result of this, you can focus on the enthusiasm which they have for you and allow it to wash over you and motivate you.

Keep a gratitude journal – It can be so easy to complain about one’s situation and play the victim when things aren’t going as planned, but such behavior only does harm when trying to stay motivated in achieving goals. Shift the focus instead onto all the wonderful things, people and other blessings you have in your life and allow them to fortify your resolve to move forward.

Pushing Through – Dealing With Troubling Times

November 14, 2015October 16, 2015drstaceynaito Leave a comment

Life is not about how hard you can hit, but how much you can get hit & still keep moving forward. -Rocky Balboa

It is commonplace these days to hear people say that times are tough, and indeed they are. Truth is, there will ALWAYS be something we will be forced to contend with. At times those challenges can be so trying that they threaten to break our spirit and obscure the light at the end of the tunnel. However, it is imperative to push through those trials and tribulations while remembering what our goals are.

Your goals may be long term and centered around a career aspiration or the pursuit of an avocation for which you have great passion. Perhaps you have a weight loss goal or want to improve your general health. Or maybe you compete and are chasing after that elusive Pro Card or Olympia qualification. Chances are that any challenges which hit unexpectedly have no direct correlation to these goals, so why allow them to push you off course? You may get knocked around a bit, but the important thing is to get back in line with that prize you have set before you.

It always amazes me to hear patients and clients describe how they abandoned their meal plans and exercise regimens, and thus their fitness and health goals, when they were forced to deal with stressful life events such as divorce, legal issues, job loss, or family illness. What goes through my mind when I hear such things is that these people are doing themselves a disservice by dropping a regular regimen which has immense long term payoffs. A thread of stability is established when there is consistency with food intake and exercise which can actually lessen the impact of life stressors. Energy levels are boosted, depression is minimized, and an individual can assert his or her own personal needs in the face of adversity.

So if tough times are getting you down, remember to put the oxygen mask on your own face and take care of your own needs. Those who persevere will be rewarded after the storm passes. Hang in there!

Pushing Away Fears And Slaying The Dragon

March 21, 2015January 19, 2015drstaceynaito Leave a comment

There is no question that I am a chronic overachiever and a very stubborn and determined woman. As a result of these personality traits, I have been able to accomplish every large goal I have set in front of me. However, the process of making my dreams come to fruition has, on occasion, been peppered by self-doubt and procrastination. I know that I have a definite fear of failure and of being average, both of which are traits commonly found in the fitness and bodybuilding industry, and that is part of the reason why I find the industry completely irresistible. However (and this is also quite common in the industry), I have also suffered from a fear of success, and know all too well that such a fear can be even more crippling than any other fear.

If I were to dissect my journey to an IFBB Pro Card through a filter of fear of success, I can see that although I never really wavered from chasing that goal, certain thoughts floated through my head at times which threatened to derail me from my focus. The most prominent aspect of my fear of success was the concern that I might not deserve to become a Pro. It seems strange now, especially since I have been a Pro for almost two years, but I definitely remember thinking that maybe I didn’t have what it took to be a Pro, especially when first place national finishes were stacking up for me without the final reward of IFBB Professional Status. I remember hoping and wishing that the next national contest would be “the one” that would make me a Pro, but in the back of my mind, there was always that kernel of doubt that I didn’t deserve such a reward, and that somehow, I couldn’t deliver what the IFBB expected in their Pros.

Thankfully, everything changed in April of 2013, when my mindset shifted dramatically. Instead of thinking that I wanted a Pro Card and how I wished it would happen, I decided that I ALREADY WAS A PRO and began to embody the attitude that Pros had. Interestingly enough, my attitude change also coincided with the best physique of my life. I trained like a complete machine, never once allowing myself to get rattled or distracted by anything that threatened to sabotage my belief in myself. I was no longer afraid of success. From April until July of 2013, I kept using the hashtag “alreadyPro” to keep myself on track, and it worked like a charm, because on July 6, 2013, I reached my goal and became an IFBB Pro.

In the back of my mind, I was afraid of how things would change once I reached my big goal, and of how I might change as a result of the new status. Reflecting on that now, I fully realize how ridiculous that concern was, because I am still the same person, just with four awesome letters after my name. I had a similar concern when I was in medical school and concerned about how I would change as a person when I finally became a doctor. Though I know that the advanced degree made me somewhat more reserved, I still retained the sarcastic sense of humor I always had and was still just Stacey. I am no better than anyone else because of what I have accomplished, nor has the core of who I am changed in any way. I have been given more opportunities since achieving success in the world of bodybuilding and fitness, and the climate of my daily life has shifted, but all of it has been extremely positive.

On another note, I remember one aspect of my fear of success with the Pro Card hunt which had been a minor concern during my journey, but which became more compelling AFTER I had reached my goal. The day that I won my Pro Card was one of the most incredible days of my life, and I found myself floating on a cloud in a state of wonder, disbelief, elation and relief for a couple of weeks after that event. Then suddenly, I was struck with the realization that since I had slain the beast and finally succeeded in getting that Pro Card, I no longer had a goal to chase. The sword had to be placed in the scabbard and put away. Once that realization set in, I went into a funk for months, and my body followed suit by retaining water and exhibiting signs of metabolic damage. Instead of feeling victorious, I was depressed because I didn’t know what to chase after anymore. I was able to move on by setting new goals, and surprised myself by changing the game plan and focusing on non-contest related pursuits. This shift in goals has created a whole new set of fears and challenges, but my past successes have strengthened my belief in my abilities, and I now feel confident that I will accomplish every one of my new goals.