When You Just Don’t Like Him

Copyright: estradaanton

Have you ever met someone who seemed to have all the qualities you were looking for in a partner, then after getting to know each other, you kept getting reminders of how much you didn’t like the person? There are two men who come to mind, one whom I dated in 2019 (I’ll call him Sam), and one whom I met during the pandemic (let’s call him Rick). The fact that they were both intelligent and educated actually threw a major wrench in things, because I relish a good intellectual conversation, and didn’t realize that both men simply HAD to be right during any dispute, no matter what. The fact that I had political views which differed from both guys fueled quite a bit of animosity, which strengthened my conviction to avoid any chatter which veered in a political direction.

Things progressed very rapidly with Sam, and by the fourth date, he started referring to me as his girlfriend. Before I knew what was happening, he began to plan out every single weekend for us without consulting with me beforehand. He went so far as to tell me that I would be required to join him and his mother’s family for Thanksgiving, which I completely rejected. It was all too much, too fast, and my independent nature rebelled against Sam’s need to control every part of the relationship. He was also arrogant, had a tendency to insult others whom he deemed less intelligent than him, had the clammiest hands I have ever felt, and was clumsy and terrible in bed (sorry guys, but that matters). I finally ended our relationship after three months via a very heated phone call in which he kept insisting that he had plans for us, and that I was “disobeying” him by breaking up with him. That should tell you something about the hell I went through.

Rick was very different from Sam in a number of respects. First of all, Rick was into fitness and weightlifting, he was very easy on the eyes, and had a more laid back attitude. I soon realized that Rick’s laid back attitude was partially due to a general lack of interest he had in me, which meant that he just wouldn’t make an effort to see me. We’d make plans, and he would conveniently “forget”, stating that he didn’t think we had “PLANS plans”. Rick had even pulled this stunt on Valentine’s Day, when we made plans to get together, only to have him back out with that same lame excuse. The only time we had Zoom calls was when I would suggest that we schedule one, and we didn’t even go out in public until late July of this year. I bet if I hadn’t complained that we had only seen each other in person 6 times over the span of 8 months, and that we would meet either at his home or mine, we would have never gone anywhere. I enjoyed going to a restaurant so much that I suggested that we go out for sushi a month later, and stated that it would be my treat. I figured that at least I would be able to enjoy the sushi meal as well. It didn’t surprise me that Rick didn’t flake this time, and made sure to honor plans for the sushi dinner I had offered to finance. Only moments after I paid the bill, which was over $200, Rick actually complained that he preferred the plain sushi selections over the more exotic ones, so I decided right then and there that I would never take him for sushi again.

Rick had a tendency to dole out unsolicited medical advice numerous times when I mentioned maladies such as neck pain or a rash. Who on earth would have the nerve to deliver medical advice to a board certified physician? Rick would, and it infuriated me every single time. Another very rude habit he had was that he ALWAYS had his phone by his side, and would often look at it, even while I was talking to him. We also argued about politics, cars, and spending habits, and as I realized how little common sense this guy had, my attraction to him flickered out like a snuffed out candle.

One of these days, it would be nice to meet someone who isn’t contentious, arrogant, flaky, or controlling.

When You Can’t Make Yourself Like Someone

when-you-dont-like-someone

Have you ever been in a situation in which someone just rubs you the wrong way, and no matter how you try, you just CAN’T get yourself to formulate a positive opinion of the person? This has happened to me many times in my life. More recently, two people have triggered my intense dislike to the point where I had to block one of them on social media. Without disclosing the identities of the people involved, I will merely describe the situations I have experienced with each of them. The situation with the female has been more subtle, and as a result, I have made more of an effort to like her (to no avail). The guy in the second example has been enough of an ass that I am much more adamant about keeping my distance from him.

The female I referenced had been perfectly nice until one bodybuilding contest a couple of years ago in which we competed against each other. Suddenly, I was the enemy, and she became even more disgusted when I placed higher than her. I know she was utterly convinced that she was much hotter, and much more deserving of a higher placing. I was taken aback by her energy but decided to brush it off. Two and a half years later, I cannot bring myself to say hello to her, to like her social media posts, or to offer flattering commentary when someone makes reference to her and asks me what I think of her. I just can’t do it. It all stems from her attitude from that one contest.

As for the fella who rubbed me the wrong way, the pressure to like him stems from the fact that he is romantically tied to one of my dearest friends. I truly WANTED to like him, but from the moment I met him, his energy was so shifty that I took an immediate dislike to him. My gut instinct told me this guy was bad news, yet I knew that my love-struck friend wouldn’t be able to process any comments from me that revealed how I really felt, so I kept my mouth shut. Then an incident occurred in which he hurled an insult at me (peppered with profanity) which was uncalled for. I was so shocked that I became unhinged, and told him exactly how I felt about him. Of course my friend was unfortunately caught up in the middle of that exchange, and our friendship has been adversely affected as a result. I DON’T LIKE THE GUY, and I cannot force myself to feign acceptance and respect for someone I can’t stand.

I believe it is very unhealthy to harbor a hidden dislike for someone. While I understand that one must maintain composure in business settings, I will never compromise my feelings or beliefs, especially when I am treated poorly by someone. If someone doesn’t want to play nice in the sandbox, I will just find another sandbox to play in!

Block The Haters

you are meanIt certainly seems to me that people have been extremely edgy these days, and I keep running into them. I know that a far more evolved response to people who spread negative energy is to approach them with compassion, but my sass level has been amped up lately, largely due to the fact that I am deep in contest prep and dealing with a ton of petty frustrations in my life. So at this point I will just hate the haters, until my level of enlightenment enables me to come from a place of neutrality, because it sure isn’t going to happen ten days before a competition!

Here’s a prime example of the weird and random stuff that has been thrown my way. The other day when a dog suddenly jumped on me and scratched my leg, and I went, “owww!”, the owner decided to get all snippy, saying it wasn’t HER fault the dog jumped on me, and when I said to let it go, she KEPT talking to me, getting literally up in my face, screaming, “No, you don’t understand!” I had to walk away from her nastiness.

Thankfully that incident was isolated, but one day every week I deal with the meanest people on the planet. There is a valet where I need to leave my car when I work at one facility, and it is run by four incredibly rude men who never smile, mumble angry things in Spanish under their breath (which I can UNDERSTAND), and get upset when I ask them for a receipt each time. I know they deal with an upper crust clientele which can be very demanding, but I certainly don’t see the point of being unfriendly to everyone who has to go through the valet there. I drive away with such a sense of relief, knowing I will leave that ugliness behind.

Lately I have also been getting negative energy from a few individuals who have decided to take issue with some of my social media posts. I do not tolerate such energy and always automatically block them, and if they are especially nasty or threatening, I will file an official report of abuse. I realize that I am more susceptible to such contentious people because I have built a name for myself and I put myself out there constantly, but it is not fair to blast me when my posts are primarily meant to inspire my fans and followers and entertain friends. The fact that some people go out of their way to be mean and to spread hate is mind-boggling to me. I begin to wonder what kind of karmic load they are carrying to spread so much negativity.

I am trying to hold onto the idea of a force field of positive energy around me, and hope it will somehow protect me from any further incidents before I step onstage. Perhaps this concept will blossom into compassion at some point, but this is definitely something I need to work on.

What is the best way to defuse hostility? It is always best to refrain from reacting to it. Physically walking away, ignoring hateful statements, employing the blocking feature on social media sites, email, and cell phones, smiling at the person who is being difficult can all work in neutralizing the bad energy.