The kelly green and black silk jacket is a vintage item from my mother’s 1960’s collection and is one of my favorite pieces. I am so glad I got to shoot in it!
Tag women
How I Feel About Makeup
Though I like the colors featured in cosmetic lines like MAC, and have a massive collection of makeup which includes over 80 pro eyeshadow pans, I am really not a makeup person. Those rainbow hues sit in my giant train case, and are rarely used. I admit that the artist in me was drawn to those shades, and when I get a creative itch, I can create some lovely makeup looks. The problem is that the itch only strikes about once a year.
For the most part, I think daily application of full makeup is totally unnecessary. It looks phony, it’s a waste of time, it clogs and irritates the skin, and it can get pretty pricey.
I LIKE the look of clean skin with no makeup on it, even if the lack of contour makes my face and nose look wider. I don’t really wish to obsess over how perfectly applied my highlighter is, or if my blush will clash with my handbag.
I appreciate the power of contour, but as this image illustrates, this seems awfully extreme and mask-like:
I cannot let go of the notion that black eyeliner and berry lipstick are the only important color cosmetics for me to have access to on a daily basis. It’s not that I walk out the door looking like I just rolled out of bed…though most mornings I literally roll out, quickly apply translucent powder and a thin line of eyeliner, throw on gym clothes and am out the door.
But you won’t see me rock ten tons of makeup to go to the gym, the grocery store, work, meetings, or even a nice dinner with friends. If I grab more exotic colors, that means a fancy event is coming up, and my five minute makeup routine suddenly expands to fifteen to thirty minutes, every minute of which I can’t stand. If false lashes are involved, you can be sure that I will be cussing up a storm at some point as the glue refuses to set or the lashes are applied unevenly. Not fun.
I hate the feeling of being encumbered by makeup, and I certainly don’t want to look “different” when I apply more than usual. I am a huge believer in allowing a woman’s natural beauty to come through, and think that makeup should ENHANCE a woman’s beauty instead of being corrective or somehow creating a mask which makes her look like someone else.
If you don’t believe that makeup can make people look very different, check out this video:
I love the freedom of light or no makeup. I love the fact that I never have to worry about smearing something during the day, since I really don’t pack on the paint.
What’s weird is that I can apply a small amount of eye shadow, and it looks like I have a ton on. It stems from the fact that I have large eyes, with a lot of lid. I have also noticed that if I apply black liner to the waterline, I get an instant super sultry eye look, so I have to be careful.
During a recent fitness expo, I had lash extensions on, so I didn’t even wear mascara or false lashes. Despite skipping those steps, my makeup ended up looking rather glam, all because I applied a small amount of eyeshadow and eyeliner.
Don’t get me wrong, I actually enjoy having my makeup done for photo shoots and events. It’s fun for me, because I get to be a living doll. But I will never sign up for a daily makeup routine that enslaves me to my bathroom and has me gazing into my makeup mirror for lengthy periods of time.
Why I Hate Foundation
First off, I want to apologize in advance to every woman who wears foundation or BB cream on a daily basis. I definitely don’t mean any disrespect to anyone, especially to women who experience a big boost in self-confidence when they cover birthmarks, scars, or other blemishes with makeup. However, I honestly don’t like foundation at all. I dislike it so much that I never wear it in my regular daily life. Here are the only instances in which I will wear BB cream or foundation:
1. Photo shoots
2. Public appearances
3. Auditions
4. Video or TV shoots
5. Formal affairs
I can’t stand the feel of anything cakey or heavy on my skin, and that is why I only use translucent powder on my skin on a daily basis. I know that I am very fortunate to have good skin, with no unsightly breakouts or other blemishes (though the freckles on my cheeks have always driven me nuts ever since I had them as a young child), so I can get away with avoiding foundation. Could my skin look smoother if I used foundation? Yes. But it is not worth the feeling of discomfort I get from having my skin suffocated with a liquid or cream cover. I don’t want to have to worry that part of my face might look different if a dog licks my face, or if I sweat profusely and wipe my face.
One of the most prominent memories I have of poorly applied foundation which solidified my aversion to the stuff occurred when I was in high school. One of my classmates had such a love affair with makeup, especially foundation, that she would cake it on every day before coming to school. Her foundation was so thick that it looked like she had applied it with a palette knife, yet the effect was nothing close to an exquisite oil painting, but more like a tribute to Bozo the Clown. If she scratched her cheek to calm an itch, her nails would leave deep gouges in her foundation.
To me, foundation looks like a mask, and to an extent, it is a mask. Though it creates a flawless finish (particularly if it is full coverage), it still covers up the skin’s natural beauty. I realize that a flawless finish is important on-camera, but in regular daily life, it seems a shame to suffocate the skin. Since I truly think that skin is beautiful, it bothers me that the majority of women in developed countries find it necessary to cover it up. The luminous quality of unadorned skin is lost when it is covered by even the lightest of foundation. I guess I just don’t want to look “done” in my day to day life.
I want my skin to breathe. I don’t want to have to worry about my foundation melting off my face, or about leaving makeup marks on my ivory sheets from an incomplete makeup removal. My mom always told me that eventually, I would have to start wearing foundation daily, but at this point, I have made it half a century without having to do so.
What’s All That Noise?
There are very rare instances when the slightest noise will set me off. Even if it is something as benign as one of my roommates opening the refrigerator door, it can sound like a thousand spoons clattering to the floor to me if I am in this state. For whatever reason, I didn’t think much of it until about three weeks ago when EVERY little noise I heard was painful for me, and I was in complete agony the entire night. Lucky me…I have been experiencing misphonia, and have had this condition since childhood.
What freaks me out the most is that my dislike of sounds when I am caught up in this nightmare can send me into so much anxiety that I must hide away until things return to normal. It was a tremendous problem for me during medical school, when I found that I had to wear earplugs while studying in public places or when taking exams. The mere sound of someone coughing would send me into such distress that it would take a massive effort for me to concentrate on my studies or an exam.
Misphonia, also called selective sound sensitivity syndrome, is usually set off by a small repetitive noise, causing the sufferer to become agitated, disgusted, panicky, and angry. Those who suffer from misphonia may seem to react excessively to soft sounds, such as the sounds of a person eating, or a dog barking in the background. This is considered a lifelong condition which is more common in females than males, and usually appears between the ages of 9 and 13. It is aggravated by emotional exhaustion, so those of you ladies who might have noticed that noises which would be considered normal can suddenly become jarring when you are in the middle of an emotional and stressful situation.
This is a very real condition, so if you think you might have it, talk to your doctor about getting tested to see if you have it. If you don’t want to go that route, you might want to read this very amusing article by Wendy Aron on how she handled her own case of misphonia:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/sounds-awful/201405/how-my-shrink-cured-my-misophonia-free
Stress And Your Skin
Did you know that stress can do a number on your skin? You are probably familiar with the stress-induced breakout, but prolonged, chronic stress can also prematurely age the skin. Stressful situations trigger the release of cortisol, adrenaline, pro-inflammatory cytokines, and angiotensin, all of which rob your skin of collagen and weaken its cellular repairing capabilities. Circulation is diverted away from the skin during stressful situations, which explains the dull, pale appearance of the skin in people who deal with constant stress.
Cortisol in particular inhibits the growth of fibroblasts which are responsible for making collagen, so they can’t keep up with the constant breakdown of old tissue. The result is skin which is collagen deficient, resulting in thinner, more wrinkled skin. Free radicals are formed in response to stress, which then damages skin cells and adversely affects the condition of the skin.
So how can you fight the effects of stress on the skin? There are three keys:
1. Exercise:
Every cell in the body benefits from exercise, including skin cells The pores of the skin dilate during exercise, and when you work up a sweat, trapped dirt particles are released. In addition, the increased circulation which results from exercise delivers more oxygen and other nutrients to skin cells, as well as carries away waste products and free radicals.
2. Relax:
We all know how frustrating it can be to have a big event looming, only to have an acne breakout right before the big day. The fact is that the stress associated with preparing for the event can trigger excess oil production in the skin, which clogs pores and sets up the perfect environment for an acne flareup. Even other skin issues, like psoriasis, are linked to stress. However, by practicing relaxation techniques, you can increase blood flow to the skin and offset any triggering factors (such as buildup of oil or free radicals) which contribute to skin maladies.
3. Use topicals:
Some of the best friends for your skin are topical agents such as antioxidants and retinoids. I am a big fan of vitamin C, not only because of its general antioxidant benefits, but also because it has a tendency to lighten up brown spots and impart a brighter appearance to the complexion. Retinoids are great for increasing cell turnover, and are potent anti-aging compounds.
The Gentle Bull
Okay ladies. Do you want to know how encourage your man to respond in a kind a gentle way when you are upset by something he has done or said? Quit bitching at him! Yes, you heard me right. I am playing devil’s advocate here and defending men who often have to deal with women completely unraveling on them.
A man usually gets utterly confused when a woman launches into a rant against him because he often strives to do things which please her. When she goes on and on with her complaints, the man feels like he has failed, and he feels emasculated. In some men, the confusion turns into anger because they simply don’t know what to do when they are pinned against the emotional ropes by a woman. A man’s brain doesn’t switch easily to the ebb and flow of a woman’s emotions, so he is often doomed to upset or disappoint a woman without ever intending to do so.
In order to have true and open communication which is constructive, both the man and the woman need to have the opportunity to voice concerns without fear of being verbally attacked by the other person. This type of communication requires effort by each person, or else it just won’t flow. However, with a little effort by each partner, issues which would ordinarily cause great conflict can be relatively pleasant and agreeable. The most important thing to remember in any relationship conflict is that the other person is not the enemy, but a partner with whom you have agreed to share your time, goals, and dreams with.
The Delicate Flower and the Bull Who Tramples On It
I have to apologize in advance if this post sounds like a man-bashing. However, it is common for women to lament that men don’t take the time to just listen to them, and to have empathy when they are emotional.
I have definitely found myself in situations in which I feel like I need to apologize for being emotional or sensitive. I am never allowed to be upset, and I have to swallow everything upsetting thing like a bitter pill. I know that men and women speak different languages, but I will never understand why it is a problem if I happen to quietly voice a concern over an event which made me feel like a boot scraper at the front door. When my feelings are ignored, I can quickly progress from nice and sweet to angry.
Women don’t expect men to agree with them. They expect men to understand and empathize when they feel slighted by an incident. Men don’t want to feel emasculated either, so women should also take heed and pay attention to how they approach men after such an incident. In defense of women everywhere, though, many men tune out the instant a woman says, “What you did/said really hurt me”, and may even turn into ugly, mean bulls who trample over the woman’s emotions. Suddenly, only the man’s perspective matters, and he is never culpable, while the woman is made to feel like a whiny bitch, even if she is calm, gentle, and kind in her approach. It’s like a switch flips in a man’s brain, and a furious instinct to lash out asserts itself. When this happens, no resolution can be found.
Before you men begin to think that this is about the man or the woman winning an argument, I will tell you that your perspective is really skewed. It isn’t about winning, and it isn’t about you versus the woman. That kind of viewpoint is confrontational, counterproductive, and puts you in a position in which the blinders are still on, and you can’t see anything but your own opinion. Instead of pounding on your chest and tuning out a woman who is in pain, perhaps you could listen to what she is saying and work with her. I can almost guarantee that an agreeable and open approach will yield much better results than resisting everything the woman says to you!
Hot and Cold
Many women who are in their early 40’s and beyond experience a roller coaster ride with their internal thermostats which is absolutely maddening. They can go from sitting comfortably one minute, to a sudden sweat and flush which makes them feel like they are standing next to a fiery blaze the next minute. Such a roast-fest can last from seconds to minutes, after which a woman may feel pretty comfortable. But the pendulum can swing the other way, and the woman may suddenly feel very cold once the air conditioning has kicked in, prompting her to put on a sweater. Guess what? Chances are that sweater will be peeled off in a matter of minutes when the woman has another hot flash. Hot, cold, hot, cold, hot, cold. Fun times. Such fluctuations in a woman’s perception of temperature, coupled with her constant putting on and taking off layers of clothing, are often perceived as pretty nutty by people who don’t have a clue about the torture these women go through.
I can relate to the constant temperature fluctuations because I have been suffering from it for over a year now. I fully realize that my body doesn’t know what temperature it is. Thanks to hormonal imbalance and the decline associated with peri-menopause, I am very familiar with the sweating which is sudden and intense, and I know that feeling of desperation which has me peeling off clothes, fanning myself, and sticking my head in freezers and in front of blowing fans. However, I only recently began experiencing the feeling that I am suddenly freezing my butt off, and I truly can’t stand it. My perception of the ambient temperature can go from upper 70’s, to 120 degrees, to 60 degrees, within 5 minutes flat.
On my worst days I will have maybe five or six of these episodes, so the daytime hours aren’t too bad, but my evenings make up for the relative break I get during the day, because I am hot and sweaty for many hours and cannot cool down at all, even if I wear a cooling towel around my neck, lie on the floor under my ceiling fan (the darned thing is positioned right over the foot of the bed and doesn’t cool me off at all when I am in bed), and lie over the covers. My bedroom feels like it is 100 degrees and I cannot get away from the heat because, of course, the heat is emanating from ME. My hypothalamus is tricked every night into perceiving that my body needs to release excess heat. I know that this is the result of low estrogen levels, but my professional knowledge of estrogen therapy is enough to keep me from ever supplementing with estrogen, so I will continue to suffer as long as my hypothalamus triggers the way it does. At least I know I am not alone: about 85% of women who are peri-menopausal experience hot flashes. Hot flashes can last from several months up to 15 years, with an average of 2 years. I hope and pray that I fall into the average! Seriously, hot flashes and night sweats are absolutely miserable. I often get as little as two hours of sleep at night when my night sweats are in full effect!
Hilarious Betty White Quote
Hahaha! Betty White is so right!
Bringing Out The Bitch
We all have limits on what we are willing to put up with before feelings of irritation and anger begin to bubble under the surface and threaten to spill over. Recently I have dealt with more individuals and customer service reps who apparently never learned manners from their parents, and who don’t seem to care when they get on my last nerve. Though I have manners and can be a study in calmness and patience, I can go from zero to bitch in a flash when someone rubs me the wrong way.
I honestly think that there are many people who will assume that women are pushovers, so they are shocked when a confident and assertive woman stands her ground. The problem with a woman asserting herself is that she suddenly comes across as a bitch, even if she is in a position of authority which should afford her the right to speak with conviction. Though I have always been a pretty strong personality, I developed a thicker outer shell over the years because I was railroaded by so many people who took advantage of my generosity. It is a challenge to be a physician, because I automatically am placed in a position in which I have to deal with people’s maladies and complaints. Basically, this means that people come to me only because they have problems which need to be fixed, and because they are usually in pain or experiencing some type of discomfort, they may not be in the best of moods. Though I am empathetic and receptive to the needs of others, this doesn’t mean that I am some sort of pushover in other areas of my life.
Let’s face it: assertive equals bitchy for a lot of people, especially for women. God forbid if you disagree with someone and you are a woman, because all of a sudden you are a bitch. This seems to be the case in all scenarios, including personal relationships. You may be filled with resentment over something, but you also run the risk of appearing confrontational and bitchy if you decide to unload your thoughts and feelings about the situation to the person who is upsetting you. So much for the emancipation of women, because the social climate still reels in horror over an assertive woman.
I will always stand up for myself. If that makes me a bitch, then so be it.
dr. stacey naito's blog 