Tag respect

Let The Doctor Rest

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doctor-on-call_10766651_250x250

One of the biggest grievances I have as a physician is the fact that people assume that I am on call all the time for every random medical question. People will ask me questions at the gym, the grocery store, and via email. Many people have even contacted me on Facebook with detailed medical questions which they expect me to answer, and some will even cop an attitude when I very nicely tell them that I cannot address their question via Facebook message. No other profession deals with the same amount of queries. Would you ask your tax person a detailed question via Facebook?

I have even gotten texts in the middle of the night (thank goodness I turn my ringer off while I sleep) with medical questions. Sometimes the questions don’t even pertain to the person asking, but to a friend or relative. That is when I get annoyed, because it isn’t my responsibility to dole out free medical advice to everyone.

I realize that by putting my foot down and setting boundaries, I will cause some individuals to seek diagnoses on their own, which is also quite frustrating. They will go online and attempt to find a diagnosis, despite the fact that they have no medical expertise whatsoever. These are the people who infuriate doctors, because they will march into doctors’ offices and behave as if they have all the answers. This type of attitude is not only frustrating to medical professionals, it can be downright dangerous when the wrong diagnosis is made.

Please understand that I will not diagnose your niece’s boyfriend’s strange skin condition, even if you send me five images of the condition, taken at different angles and at different stages of the flareup. Such requests take unfair advantage of all of my schooling and post-doctoral training, which I have every right to charge for. As a matter of fact, it would be irresponsible of me to respond to such requests.

If the medical malady is of an urgent or emergent nature, then I suggest that you avail yourself of the appropriate service. Urgent care centers and emergency rooms exist for a reason. I am not a stand-alone urgent care center, nor am I a doctor on call 24/7. Please respect my time off.

For those of you who are physicians or surgeons, I welcome responses to this post.

Falling Off The Radar

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I will never understand how and why some people will expend a great deal of energy discussing potential projects or other opportunities, displaying enthusiasm and expressing a strong desire to get started right away, only to completely drop off the face of the earth, never to be heard from again. Instead of mincing words here, I will come right out and say that I detest such people and think they are cowards, liars and bullshitters. Once someone tries to bait me with incredible promises and then disappears with no explanation or apology, I cross that person off my list. Seriously, what is WRONG with people these days? Is the concept of honoring one’s own word and upholding a certain amount of integrity dying in this fickle society?

It is impossible to endure countless lures with no follow-through without developing a biting cynicism. I have heard some individuals remark that flaky behavior is confined to major metropolitan cities like Los Angeles, but I beg to differ. For one thing, I have dealt with people all over the country, ranging from small towns to large metropolitan areas, who have displayed what I call “empty promise behavior”. Secondly, I was born and raised in Los Angeles, and have never been the type of person to make a promise I cannot keep. Accordingly, the majority of my friends who are also native Californians are blessed with complete integrity and do not make false or empty promises.

Please don’t be one of those people who talks big and can’t deliver on ANY promises made. It’s tacky and it makes you look like a complete douche.

Bullshit spray

Yes I AM A Doctor!

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doctor-bag2It appears to be a lifelong curse for me to have to deal with people who never seem to take the fact that I am a bona fide medical doctor seriously. I can’t tell you how many times I have heard friends exclaim, “Oh wow, you’re like a DOCTOR doctor? I had no idea!”, as if my medical training and career are somehow not supposed to be taken seriously by those near and dear to me. I want to yell, “YES, I am a doctor! Why didn’t you believe me the first time I told you? Why do I have to somehow prove it to you?” What irks me is that I don’t see these people doubting the abilities of their friends who work in any other industry, be it certified public accounting, law enforcement, or any other respected profession. I honestly resent the insinuation that my credentials somehow don’t count because I don’t wear a white coat all the time (by the way, I can’t STAND wearing those polyester nightmares) or flaunt my professional title like a badge.

For those of you in the group which questions what my credentials are, I will be very clear. I completed four years of medical school which culminated in my medical diploma. After that, I completed my internship year (which was also my first year of family practice residency training) and became licensed as a physician. Two more years of residency training in family practice followed, then I sat for my specialty boards and became board-certified in family practice. I am not a nurse or a physician’s assistant (though those professions are highly respectable and draw some of the smartest and most compassionate people on the planet). Degreed. Licensed. Board-certified. Physician a.k.a. Medical Doctor. Yessir.

I may not be conservative or conventional, but I expect the same amount of respect as a physician who chooses to fit the mold and wear conservative attire and a white coat. My patients refer to me as Dr. Naito, not as Dr. Stacey or Stacey. I have worked VERY hard to become a physician, and I also recognize how hard my colleagues work as well. That is why when I am around other physicians, I err on the side of caution and refer to them as DOCTOR and not by their first names unless they specifically ask me to refer to them on a first name basis.

Don’t Bully Your Coach

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personal-training-clientBefore I dive into this topic, I want to make sure that everyone understands that this is meant to be general, and is not directed at anyone in particular. But because I have had numerous conversations with other coaches and trainers recently who have described behavior in their clients which I find unacceptable, I thought this was a good topic to cover in my blog.

First of all, when you hire a coach or trainer, you are hiring that person for his or her knowledge, education and experience. When you challenge fee schedules that are in place, and expect the coach to give you bargain basement pricing just because you are short on funds, or because you don’t see why you should pay that much for someone else’s time, it is insulting to the coach. In addition, coaches and trainers are trying to run businesses and have expenses which need to be covered. I recently saw a quote on Instagram which I loved: “If you think a professional is expensive, wait until you hire an amateur.” Please keep this in mind when you are selecting a coach, and have respect for what they offer.

If a coach is designing a customized plan for you, do not expect the plan to be ready within minutes. It takes time to create a customized plan for a client, so please be patient. Once you get your plan, please do not ask incessant questions, especially if they are presented in the middle of the night. Since I am a physician, I understand what it means to be on call all the time, but I will not put up with a 2 am text asking me whether it’s okay to substitute swing lunges with seated leg curls!

Another sure way to aggravate your coach is to be non-compliant, whiny, and intent on changing every aspect of a well designed plan. Why even hire a professional to help you if you are dead set on being a person who uses the word CAN’T all the time? If you trust, admire and respect your coach, then let your coach work his or her magic and help you to reach your goals. Otherwise, you are wasting both your time and energy and those of your coach. Allow your coach to guide you and be your motivator, and speak up if you are faltering in your efforts or if your self-confidence is flagging. Let your coach be truly that: a coach.

Curbside Consults

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Even though my board specialty is family practice, this works!

Even though my board specialty is family practice, this works!

Ask any physician if he or she minds being asked a medical question by a stranger or acquaintance while at a party, and I will bet that the answer will bean emphatic YES across the board. Just because we docs take the Hippocratic Oath and are committed to the service of healing does not mean that we want to be on call wherever we go, doling out free medical consultations to anyone who asks. I am waiting for the day when an auto mechanic asks me to diagnose a medical condition so that I can respond with, “Hey, you’re a mechanic. Would you mind looking at my car and telling me what that ticking noise is?” Honestly, I am SICK OF IT. I have people private message me on Facebook because they know that I am a doctor, and they will go in to great detail in their descriptions of whatever ailment plagues them, then implore me to diagnose them for free.

There have been instances in which my friends have introduced me to people and have said, “Oh! Stacey is a doc…you know what? You should ask her about that thing on your shoulder!”, which is immediately followed by a quick history and an expectation for me to provide a quick consultation and diagnosis. I almost want to say, “Do you have any idea how much my education cost? Do you know how much it costs me for the privilege of being a doctor? Yet you want a free consultation? I’m trying to get to my gym bag here!” There are a few professions which get such queries for free advice, such as massage therapists, chiropractors and attorneys. Perhaps we would communicate our exasperation more clearly if we just said, “You want fries with that?” when someone asked us for free professional advice. I think that reply would stop anyone dead in their tracks.

I implore any of you who are considering asking a doctor for medical advice to resist the urge. We often cannot diagnose sight unseen, and we certainly don’t wish to take on the liability of providing medical advise, diagnoses or treatment suggestions in such an environment. Though you may balk at the process of scheduling an appointment to see a physician and driving to the office, please understand that we cannot provide a fast food type service in medicine. When we are off the clock, let us enjoy our lives outside of medicine.

Respond To My Text!

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texting and IG
I cannot figure out why people these days are prone to ignoring texts. I understand that it can be difficult to respond to voicemail messages and email messages throughout the day, but is it so difficult to respond to someone’s text? I have a tendency to be quite brief with my texts, and I am by no means the type of person who engages in small talk via text, simply because I don’t have the time or the inclination to do such a thing. However, if someone texts me with an important or time sensitive question or issue, I am courteous enough to respond as quickly as I am able to. Accordingly, if I text someone about something important, I expect a response. If I have to keep texting, my irritation increases exponentially with each follow-up text, and I think to myself, why am I expending all this energy to follow up when this person is being so damned rude?

There was one situation I dealt with recently which irritated me to no end. It pertained to a poorly functioning central A/C unit in my home during triple digit weather, creating an ugent situation. I texted the property manager regarding the situation, and waited three days. When I got no response, I sent another text and also included a note with our rent checks. Instead of getting a text response, I received a call four days later from someone else at the management company who wanted to send someone that morning to look at the A/C. I agreed to it and someone was dispatched to our place that day. If you’re doing the math here, it took 7 days to address an urgent issue. When I returned home I saw evidence that the service technician had been in our place, but there were parts lying around so I texted the manager with questions regarding the parts. I then waited another WEEK before getting a call from the associate who finally addressed my questions regarding parts which were lying around, then told me that the manager was often out of town. Excuse me? If that was an issue, he should have sent a quick text or called me to clarify his situation instead of ignoring me like that. In my estimation, that shows a glaring lack of consideration.

It seems so strange to me that people avoid texting when it is the quickest and most convenient way to communicate via communication devices. I think it is downright RUDE when a person ignores a greeting or an expression of positive vibes which are sent via text. More recently, I have been blocking people who have repeatedly shown a lack of consideration and a complete absorption in themselves. Life is far too short to deal with such insults!

Relationships Aren’t What They Used To Be

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angry-man-and-womanRelationships take some work to keep them humming along, and some couples are actually fortunate enough to find a formula which nurtures their interaction and enables them to beat the odds. Sadly, though, it just seems like most people these days are too quick to jump ship. Perhaps it has something to do with the promise of the bigger, better deal which multiple dating sites proffer, but I believe the restlessness and discontent are largely due to laziness. Our society is so rapid fire, with the convenience of social media ironically causing a veritable breakdown of true communication and intimacy, that as soon as conflict arises with someone, the instinct to flee seems to rear its ugly head. Gone are the days of working issues out over many decades, staying the course and serving as an example of everlasting love. The art of compromise seems to be lost, and people often will cohabitate or marry with separation or divorce viewed as an easy escape route. It’s no wonder that breakups seem to be happening more frequently now.

Love and relationships are almost treated like fast food, and the sad thing is that through the common lack of willingness to constructively work through conflict, many relationships become disposable. Like fast food, weak or unstable relationships begin to resemble fast food, full of empty calories and ultimately bad for the system. Also like fast food, weak unions may cause cravings for more of the same, and a vicious pattern may ensue. If you ask yourself why you keep picking the same type of person, it is time to look at the reasons why you are drawn to that type of person and do whatever personal work you need to do in order to break such patterns. Otherwise, you will find yourself in the same situation with the next person.

I have talked to couples who have been together for four, five, six decades and they have all said the same thing about weathering the storm through the years and enjoying a lasting union. It seems to boil down to two very important guidelines:

1. ALWAYS RESPECT EACH OTHER. Psychologists say that a clear sign of impending demise for a relationship is when partners fail to respect each other. Insulting, name calling and blaming are the clearest signs, but there are other indications of a lack of respect, such as lack of emotional support for a partner when major life events occur. This doesn’t mean that successful couples never fight, they just argue in a constructive fashion and allow each other the opportunity to vent all frustrations and concerns without interrupting or attacking.

2. DON’T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF. Rather than nitpicking about little things, successful couples let them go. If irritating issues arise, calmly discussing the issue is far more successful than bickering about minor incidents like the trash not being thrown out, or the toothpaste cap being left off. However, both partners must be receptive to active and constructive communication. If one partner is hostile and unyielding, the petty issues will erode intimacy and affection.