Fat-Bottomed Girls

If I see one more fat-assed female wagging her goodies all over social media and claiming to be a “fit chick”, I swear I will scream. It’s one thing to have a sumptuous, full set of glutes which either Mother Nature was kind enough to dole out or which a consistent glute training routine created. It’s another thing entirely to have a wide, chunky, FAT derriere and pretend that such a poor display of physical fitness can pass off as an awe-inspiring example of hard work and dedication.

Basically, fat-bottomed girls are a dime a dozen these days. I say this boldly because I have seen far too many Instagram accounts which feature women who are amply endowed in the posterior, yet not through hard work and determination, and who think that there is some value in collecting followers simply on the basis of their smutty, slutty images. As was suggested in the Queen song “Fat Bottomed Girls” from 1978, girls who would ordinarily fail to catch the eye of a man who wanted a quality mate would do in a pinch when it came to casual sex. The song celebrates groupies who would never have a chance at being around musical superstars unless they agreed to engage in sexual activities for a night or two.

We now live in an age in which a woman like Kim Kardashian (yes, I am picking on her) is able to attain CELEBRITY STATUS on the basis of questionable criteria:

1. She has a huge derriere, and it isn’t shapely. Well, I guess chunky is a shape.
2. She has a certain amount of sex appeal and isn’t shy about disrobing.
3. She’s rolling in money so she can essentially buy her way to the top.

This begs the question, what is her talent? I challenge EVERY female who possesses surplus adipose tissue in her nether regions and who has a massive social media following simply on the basis of that part of her anatomy to tell me what talent she could possibly have. Because even if she DID have a hidden talent, no male follower on Instagram gives a rat’s ass whether she was a gifted violinist at one point or that she almost completed a masters program in criminal justice.

Just keeping it real.

Brows Are In

Suddenly, eyebrows are in, and in a big way.

cara-delevigne-eyebrows1
Those of you who are old enough to remember the caterpillars which framed the eyes of Brooke Shields and Margeaux Hemingway might be cringing at the new trend in brows which Kim Kardashian, Ariana Grande and Cara Delevingne have popularized, better known as #EyebrowsOnFleek. What is fleek? Flawless, perfect. So if you have any interest in new makeup trends, you had better make sure those brows are meticulously groomed and filled in.

Brooke brows

Similar to the trend in the early 1980’s, today’s brows are full and thick, but an obsession with drawing in a false silhouette to “shape” the brow has dominated the makeup world. The problem I have with this trend is that it creates a false brow line, rather than accentuating a natural arch. Take a look at this transformation, and you will see what I am talking about.

Brow-Fleek

Women these days are encouraged to keep tweezing to a minimum, and let it all grow out, which means that those who have anemic, pencil-thin brows will be forced to use eyebrow waxes, stencils, permanent tattooing, and even faux brows to create the illusion of much fuller brows. Faux brows? Oh yes. There’s something called lace front brows, which are fantastic for people who have gone through chemotherapy or alopecia.

faux brows

As for me, I plan to work with what Mother Nature gave me. Though I have a sparse area on my left brow, it can easily be filled in with a bit of brow pencil or brow wax. I accentuate my natural arch, and only make my brows look thicker if I have full makeup on with a dark smoky eye. After seeing too many young women with shaped brows which make them look like clowns, I prefer to avoid jumping on the brows-on-fleek bandwagon. It seems to be a trend best suited for the young crowd anyway.

Success As Measured By Social Media

Kim Kardashian nude selfie

While I am grateful for the boost in exposure and the public following I have built as a result of social media, I believe that for many people, social media channels are arbitrary and false measures of success. I will never believe that someone who builds a huge following on Instagram with a gallery of scantily clad selfies has anything to offer the world except spank-bank material. I also want no part of popularity contests which simply look at the number of followers in determining the value of an athlete, and I am bothered by the idea that my knowledge carries less power than the number of bikini images I have shot over the years. I see that several fitness personalities have built their names almost exclusively on sexy selfies, and truly wonder where they will be after people get tired of just seeing hot pics and no intellectual substance to fall back upon. I honestly think that unless they begin working on their intellectual legacy, no one will remember or care about them in ten years.

Another thing which social media platforms do is that they provide a lottery chance for just about anyone to get his or her 15 minutes of fame. It can be hard to predict what might pass the tipping point and go viral, but when it does, an overnight sensation is often created. The usual prerequisite of talent has been washed away by a jaded, overstimulated society which simply wants to see something different, weird, trashy or disturbing. At the risk of completely offending a certain prominent family, I will boldly state that I think it is entirely unfair that the Kardashian family has basked in the fruits of notoriety and increased wealth simply because they were willing to showcase their affluent, dysfunctional, entitled family dynamics for the world to see. As a strange bonus, the world has been subjected to a full-figured, sexually liberated, narcissistic big sister who derives great joy from slathering her ovoid form with Crisco and posting selfies that scream “It’s all about me”, and certainly not in a way which inspires others. What is so mind-blowing is that this family is globally famous, despite the fact that they fall into the “talentless hack” category.

Even as I write this post, I hope to get a lot of views and likes, and wouldn’t mind if it went viral. However, because this post reveals coherent thoughts rather than what kind of underwear I have on right now, I know that it has less of a chance of sparking interest and reactions in a society which is still very visual and dumbed down by the sexual overtones which drive advertising.