Still A Hermit? Break Out Of Your Shell!

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The lockdown of 2020 still hasn’t worn off for some people who have continued the habit of staying home all the time. After developing patterns of behavior which caused us to focus on home-based activities, the idea of becoming more socially active can be daunting to say the least. Here are some ways people can ease into becoming more social, and venture out of their homes:

1. Start with Small Steps

  • Go for Short Walks: Start with simple outdoor activities like going for a walk in a nearby park or just around your neighborhood. Gradually increase the time you spend outdoors.
  • Errands or Short Trips: Instead of staying inside, you can plan a trip to the grocery store, library, or café. Doing errands can help get you out of the house while feeling like it’s part of a regular routine.

2. Set Achievable Social Goals

  • Meet with One Person: Instead of jumping into large social events, try meeting one friend or family member for coffee or a meal. Even if it’s a short interaction, it can help build your confidence in socializing again.
  • Join a Group Activity: Consider joining a small group or class, such as a book club, fitness class, or hobby-based meetup. Being part of a structured group gives you a reason to leave home and offers opportunities to interact in a low-pressure setting.

3. Create a Routine

  • Schedule Outings: Put specific events or activities on your calendar, like going to a museum or attending a community event. Having these planned in advance can make it easier to commit and can help you stick to a routine of leaving the house.
  • Set Time for Socializing: Block out time in your schedule for social activities, whether it’s a phone call with a friend or joining a social gathering. Having these moments planned helps combat the urge to isolate yourself.

4. Focus on Enjoyable Activities

  • Pursue Interests Outside: Think of activities that you genuinely enjoy that happen outside your home—maybe hiking, seeing a movie, or attending a concert. The more enjoyable the activity, the more likely you are to make it a habit.
  • Volunteer: Volunteering for causes you care about is a great way to break the hermit cycle. It’s a positive way to interact with others and can help you feel connected to your community.

5. Challenge Negative Thoughts

  • Address Social Anxiety: If fear of judgment or social anxiety is keeping you at home, consider working on these feelings. Sometimes, it helps to remind yourself that people are often more focused on their own lives than on scrutinizing others.
  • Shift Your Perspective: If you’re accustomed to staying home, you may have developed thoughts that reinforce this habit (e.g., “I’m more comfortable alone” or “There’s nothing for me outside”). Challenge these thoughts by reminding yourself of past positive experiences or new opportunities.

6. Use Technology as a Bridge

  • Start with Virtual Socializing: If leaving home feels overwhelming, begin by engaging in virtual social activities like online classes, group video chats, or forums. It can serve as a way to ease into in-person interactions.
  • Track Progress: Consider using a tracking app or journal to keep a record of your efforts to leave the house. Tracking your progress can help you celebrate small victories and motivate you to keep going.

7. Get an Accountability Buddy

  • Find a Supportive Friend: Find someone who understands your struggle and can encourage you to get out more. They might help by inviting you to do things or checking in on your progress, making the transition easier.
  • Join a Fitness Challenge: Participating in a fitness challenge or committing to a workout buddy can motivate you to leave the house regularly for exercise or outdoor activities.

8. Redesign Your Space

  • Create a Comfortable Environment Outside: Sometimes, creating a space outside of your home that feels inviting can help make the transition easier. If you enjoy reading, consider sitting at a park or café instead of at home. If you’re into photography, explore new outdoor spots for photo opportunities.

9. Address Underlying Causes

  • Reflect on Why You Stay Home: It’s important to look deeper into why you prefer being a hermit. Are there emotional or mental health factors that are keeping you isolated? Addressing things like loneliness, anxiety, or depression with the help of a therapist can be crucial in breaking this habit.
  • Practice Self-Compassion: Don’t be hard on yourself. Moving out of isolation takes time and it’s okay to take gradual steps. Celebrate any progress, even if it feels small.

10. Engage in Group or Public Activities

  • Attend Public Events: Participate in community events, such as fairs, farmers’ markets, or outdoor festivals. These events offer a casual atmosphere where you can interact with people without pressure.
  • Take a Class: Whether it’s a cooking class, pottery, or a dance lesson, learning something new in a group setting provides both a reason to leave your home and a chance to meet new people.

By combining these strategies, it’s possible to break the cycle of isolation while respecting your pace. Each step taken, no matter how small, can lead to a greater sense of connection, improved mental well-being, and a healthier balance between solitude and socializing.

Putting Down Roots

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There are a number of people I know who are keenly interested in living in different locations, and who dream of hopping from one place to another every few months in order to have a change of scenery and a fresh start. I am the exact opposite. Though I love traveling to different places both within and outside of the United States, I have never had any interest in living anywhere other than California. I also HATE moving, and would rather put down roots and have a stable home environment than to move frequently.

Once I was on my own, I lived in one apartment for nine years before moving. The only reason why I had to move was because I was about to start medical school in a different county. I lived in a few places during medical school and residency, but that was mainly because I had roommates, then got married. Once my marriage was destined to meet its end after a few years, I moved back to Los Angeles and planted new roots again.

I like being able to come home and know where everything is. I like the fact that I have worked out at the same gym for over ten years now, that I go to the same grocery stores, the same fuel stations, and take the same routes to work. It’s not that I don’t like change, because the cadence of my day to day life has enough randomness and unpredictability. But at least the one constant in my life is the fact that I can go to the same home base I have gone to for years.

Before you assume that I have a ton of stuff in cold storage, I can assure you that I keep my belongings well sorted and organized, and I don’t like to hold onto a lot of clutter. Though I have a backup supply of toiletry items and food items, I truly do use them on a regular basis, so the supply is always moving. I also impose limits on the amount of clothing I can keep, because I don’t want my dresser drawers, cabinets or closet overflowing with unnecessary items.

Even though I have done a fair amount of traveling in recent years, I always relish the comforts of home. There is nothing more satisfying for me after traveling (especially if I travel abroad) than returning to the home I know well. You won’t find me fantasizing about living in a different place, because I am perfectly comfortable where I am. Barring any sudden financial windfalls which would enable me to buy the house of my dreams, I am staying put for as long as I can.