Tag ghosting

Why Dating Is So Challenging These Days

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Dating today can feel particularly challenging due to a variety of factors, both social and technological. I can honestly say that I frequently consider abandoning the whole idea of meeting new people and going on dates, simply because making such efforts can be incredibly disappointing and frustrating. Here are some of the key reasons why dating in the modern era can be difficult:

1. Online Dating and the Paradox of Choice

With the advent of dating apps and websites, there is an overwhelming number of potential matches to choose from. While this may seem like an advantage, it can lead to what is known as the “paradox of choice” — too many options can make it harder to commit to one person. The ease of swiping left or right may also foster a mindset of “better options are just a click away,” which prevents deeper connection and commitment from developing.

2. Superficiality and Instant Gratification

Modern dating, especially through apps, tends to prioritize appearance, quick judgment, and instant gratification. Swiping based on looks can overshadow personality, values, and long-term compatibility. This shallow approach can make it difficult to form genuine, meaningful relationships that go beyond initial attraction.

3. Fear of Commitment

Many people today, especially younger generations, struggle with the concept of long-term commitment. There’s a societal shift toward prioritizing personal freedom, career advancement, and self-exploration over traditional relationship milestones like marriage and family. This can make dating feel like a series of short-term flings or “situationships,” rather than opportunities for serious partnerships.

4. High Expectations and Pressure

Social media and dating apps often present unrealistic standards of beauty, success, and happiness, which can put undue pressure on individuals to meet these expectations. As a result, some people may find it difficult to live up to the curated versions of themselves that they feel they must present to the world. Additionally, with all the “perfect couples” posted online, there is a heightened sense of competition and comparison, which can make people feel inadequate or unsure about their own dating lives.

5. Ghosting, Bread-crumbing, and Other Toxic Behaviors

The rise of digital communication has led to an increase in negative dating behaviors, such as ghosting (cutting off all communication without explanation), bread-crumbing (giving just enough attention to keep someone interested but without committing), and benching (keeping someone as a backup option). These behaviors are often easier to get away with in online dating, where anonymity and lack of accountability allow for more casual disregard of others’ feelings. Such experiences can make people wary of opening up to others, leading to distrust and cynicism.

6. Timing and Life Circumstances

The pace of life today can complicate dating. Many people are busy with careers, studies, or personal goals, leaving little time to invest in meaningful relationships. Additionally, as people reach different life stages, they may have different priorities. For example, one person may be focused on settling down and starting a family, while another might be more interested in casual dating or personal growth, leading to mismatched expectations.

7. Cultural Shifts and Changing Norms

Social and cultural shifts have altered traditional dating norms. Gender roles are evolving, and there’s more emphasis on finding equality and mutual respect in relationships. While this is largely positive, it can also lead to confusion around expectations, especially when people from different backgrounds or with different experiences come together. For example, the way men and women approach dating has changed, and these shifts may create misunderstandings or mixed signals about intentions, roles, and commitments.

8. Mental Health and Emotional Baggage

Many people today are more aware of mental health issues, but the increasing rates of anxiety, depression, and relationship trauma can make dating more difficult. The fear of vulnerability, past emotional wounds, or unresolved issues can make it hard to form healthy, trusting connections. Furthermore, the pressure to be “perfect” for a potential partner can exacerbate self-esteem issues, preventing people from fully opening up or engaging in the dating process.

9. Globalization and Long-Distance Relationships

Technology has made it easier to meet people from all over the world, but long-distance relationships can bring unique challenges. While digital communication can help maintain connections, physical distance, time zone differences, and limited in-person interaction can make it difficult to develop a deep bond. Additionally, some people might be hesitant to commit to someone they can’t easily see in person or feel pressure to keep up with the demands of maintaining a virtual relationship.

10. Changing Attitudes Toward Sex and Intimacy

In some ways, attitudes toward sex and intimacy have become more open and fluid, which can be liberating. However, this also complicates dating, as some individuals may have very different approaches or expectations about what sex, love, or commitment should look like. This can create friction in relationships, as mismatched desires or differing levels of emotional intimacy can lead to confusion or frustration.

11. Lack of Social Skills or Face-to-Face Interaction

As more people engage in online or app-based dating, the art of face-to-face communication and the ability to navigate the subtleties of in-person interactions have weakened. Social skills like reading body language, tone, or recognizing cues of interest or disinterest are less developed for those who rely heavily on texting or online chat. This can result in awkward, disjointed, or frustrating experiences when people finally meet in person.

12. Societal Pressure to Find “The One”

There’s a pervasive cultural narrative that tells people they need to find “the one,” or that their soulmate is out there waiting for them. This notion can make the dating process feel like an all-or-nothing endeavor, where any date that doesn’t lead to a deep connection is seen as a failure. It also places immense pressure on individuals to find someone who meets every one of their needs, making it harder to accept imperfections or to build relationships gradually.

In summary, modern dating is more complex than ever due to technological advancements, evolving cultural norms, and shifting expectations. While it offers new opportunities to connect with others, it also introduces new challenges. Navigating this landscape requires patience, clear communication, self-awareness, and an openness to building deeper connections in a world that often emphasizes speed, convenience, and surface-level interactions.

Why Ghosting Is So Immature

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It seems that people are more prone to ghosting others than ever before, and it is incredibly frustrating to deal with people who do so. Such individuals reveal a glaring lack of empathy and a very low emotional intelligence quotient when they choose to ignore another human being over being direct and honest about how they feel. Some would argue that such behavior serves as an acceptable defense mechanism, but ghosting is just one of the ways in which narcissistic behavior emerges. Plainly stated, ghosting is a form of emotional abuse.

There may be times in which you might have been ghosted by someone, only to hear from that person again, without any explanation of why you were ghosted in the first place. If someone dares to do this, I would hope that any of you reading this article would do the sensible thing and block that person from your life. Undoubtedly, the person wants some type of emotional support from you and has decided to contact you again, but they lost the right to do so when they cut you off abruptly. Even if that person doesn’t contact you directly, but haunts you on social media, you are far better off blocking that person on social media and moving on, because that individual is toxic.

Love Bombers

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I was tricked by a lovebomber in March, and am still stunned by how quickly the so-called relationship advanced, how much of a textbook lovebomber the guy turned out to be, and how I felt like a complete fool at the end of the whole process. I am so enraged by what happened that I felt the need to warn other women about this type of man, and RUN IN THE OTHER DIRECTION.

Physically speaking, Ted wasn’t the type of man I would usually go for. He was very slender, had very long hair halfway down his back (not my thing at all), and was unusual looking. I dug the fact that he was half Japanese though, because as a half-Japanese woman, I have found that I relate so well to other half-Japanese people, and was even engaged to a half-Japanese man many years ago. As soon as Ted found out that I was half-Japanese, he highlighted that fact, and even told me that he had gotten a sign some years ago that the love of his life would be half-Japanese and would have a name that started with an S. I now believe that he made that up to pull me in emotionally.

I was also concerned about his checkered past, but as soon as we started chatting on the dating app that fateful Monday, I felt so much at ease with him that it honestly didn’t matter. Our first phone call the following night lasted 7 hours, then on Wednesday night we had another 7-hour phone conversation. We made plans to meet for dinner in my part of town on Thursday night, and he took care of selecting a restaurant, stating “you’re so busy and I want to make sure that I always help you out” which I mistakenly thought was a sweet gesture. As it turned out, someone hit his car when he was en route to my place and totaled his car, but since his car was still driveable, he continued to head to my place. He did ask me if we could take my car, to which I agreed without hesitation.

When Ted showed up at my door, I honestly felt like I was a participant in the show Love Is Blind, because though we had connected so beautifully on the phone, his appearance left a bit to be desired. He wore a surf pullover and jeans, not exactly appropriate for a night out on the town. He also had a disheveled appearance, but I shrugged it off. I drove us to the restaurant, a small sushi bar in my area, and we had such a fantastic time chatting and eating there that we agreed to continue the evening at my home by listening to music and talking. Our late night chat progressed into an overnight visit.

The next morning, we just kept talking until about 11 am, without a care in the world. Ted stated that despite the fact that he would have to call the insurance company about his car, and also arrange to have his other car fixed so that he could drive it, he didn’t want to leave. So I ordered lunch to be delivered, which he insisted on paying for. We continued talking for several hours, so I ordered dinner to be delivered, which he also paid for. Ted didn’t leave my place until about midnight that Friday. Ted told me on Friday that he already deleted the dating app, and I happily followed suit.

Since Ted was about to start an intense new job the following week, and also since he had car issues, that meant that we would have to rely on phone calls and texts, as well as me visiting him. He called me that Saturday, and we had a 6-hour phone call, during which he told me he loved me, and I swooned, returning the sentiment to him. What a whirlwind the whole experience was! I made arrangements to go to his place on Sunday, and told him I would cook for him, especially since he revealed to me that no woman had ever cooked for him. I lugged all the spices and other ingredients we needed for dinner to his place and cooked dinner, then stayed over that night. I made enough food to get him through his first week at the new job. The following morning, I took him to his new place of employment.

The second week with Ted was a bit rough, because he was forced to work a grueling schedule which included a 2:30 pm to 1:00 am shift that started on Wednesday. But by that time, I was so blinded by love that I was willing to do anything to help him out.

Skipping ahead to the second Saturday with Ted in my life, I was suddenly met with a cold shoulder. I was yet again supposed to go to his place to cook dinner as well as food for him for the following week, and we had agreed that it would be a good idea for me to come by around 11 am so that we could maximize our weekend time together. I was running behind, so I texted him to let him know. No response. I texted him around 12:15 pm to let him know I was on the road, and got a text from him saying that he had forgotten that he had a funeral to attend (he had mentioned this several days before, but we both forgot about it), that he had forgotten about it, but that I could still come over because he had given me a key to his place. I stated that I had stuff to do at home, and that I would prefer to wait until he got home after the funeral. Despite the fact that I was a bit miffed about the fact that he couldn’t text me or call me to let me know that he realized that he had to go to the funeral, I attributed it to him being sleep-deprived.

When I finally arrived at his place that Saturday evening, he was oddly distant, and when I asked if he was all right, he said that he was sad because of the funeral. However, he didn’t touch me, and when I touched him, he almost recoiled. Since I had so much food to prepare, I set about cooking everything while he blabbed about his day. The evening progressed nicely, but he was still a bit off. The next morning, as I was leaving, I asked him if he wanted to talk that night, to which he replied, “Oh yes, babe, absolutely”, and kissed me goodbye.

Ted then proceeded to ghost me. I didn’t hear a peep from him all day Sunday, and when I saw the next morning that he was active on Instagram, I became extremely irritated. I texted him, asking what was going on. His response was to dump me, stating that he wouldn’t be ready for a relationship for a while, and that he hoped that I would find what I was looking for in a relationship. Just like that, he was done with me.

Ladies, you have to be careful with these lovebombers! They will promise you the moon and stars, then pull the rug out from under you. I feel like such a fool, and now my radar is sharpened so that I never fall victim to that nonsense ever again.

Why Some People Ghost

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Has someone ever just completely disappeared from your life, without any explanation?  It is an incredibly confounding experience, and has occurred more than once for me.  What blows my mind is that older adults, people in their forties and fifties, have exhibited this bizarre and rude behavior in recent years, so the phenomenon of “ghosting” cannot be pegged as a young person’s habit.

I honestly think that when a person ghosts anyone for reasons such as, they’re not feeling the same way about the other person (usually a dating scenario), or they have become bored with someone, the act of ghosting is truly a sign of immaturity and lack of emotional availability, which means that the ghostee is actually lucky to be cut loose.  However, when someone completely disappears without an explanation, whether it’s a dating situation, a more serious relationship, or a friendship, the person being ghosted often grapples with extreme mental anguish because there is no closure.

Even if the explanation for the person’s ghosting on another might be painful to hear, I bet most individuals would prefer to hear that explanation instead of scratching their heads in bewilderment, thinking, what in the world HAPPENED? I completely understand that feelings can change, but I also was raised to believe that you should offer a reason why you no longer wish to talk to or associate with someone.  If you don’t respond to texts, etc., and the ghostee can clearly see that you are doing fine, you are basically indicating to that person that they aren’t even worthy of any bit of respect. And while there are situations in which the ghostee might have done something egregiously wrong, in most situations, the person doing the ghosting is merely fickle, disrespectful, and narcissistic.  That’s been my observation in every situation in which I have been ghosted.

What are your thoughts on being ghosted?  If you have ghosted someone in the past, why did you choose to ghost someone instead of providing a reason why you wanted to discontinue communication?