Pre-Need Burial Arrangements

A glimpse of what will be my final resting place

Making pre-need burial arrangements for yourself is one of the most thoughtful and responsible decisions you can make for your loved ones. While it’s not always easy to think about end-of-life matters, planning ahead offers peace of mind, ensures your wishes are honored, and eases the emotional and financial burden on your family during a very difficult time.

I have personally put everything in place for my final disposition after I die, and it gives me a great sense of relief to know that I have taken care of arrangements in advance. From the cremation arrangements, including purchase of the urn (which sits in my closet), to paying for rights for the burial plot, to paying for interment and the name plaque, I have made arrangements so that there will be no question about my final wishes. No one will have to scramble to find a cemetery plot or take care of any of the aspects of final disposition when I leave this earth.

In addition to my own pre-need arrangements, I had made pre-need arrangements for both my mother and my Aunt Alice. It made a huge difference in the stress levels I dealt with when they both passed, because I didn’t have to worry about where they were going to be buried, etc. Trust me when I say that grief makes everything related to ironing out the details for a funeral so much more difficult. I still had a number of expenses for both my mother and my aunt which weren’t anticipated when pre-need arrangements were made, but at least I didn’t have to start from square one.

Why Pre-Need Burial Arrangements Matter

  1. Reduces Emotional Stress on Loved Ones When someone passes away, their family is often overwhelmed with grief. Having to make funeral and burial decisions—often within a short period of time—can be incredibly stressful. By making pre-need arrangements, you remove much of that pressure. Your family won’t have to guess what you would have wanted or make difficult decisions while grieving.
  2. Ensures Your Wishes Are Carried Out Pre-planning gives you the chance to decide exactly how you want to be remembered. From choosing between burial or cremation, to selecting a cemetery plot, casket, or even music for a service—these choices are yours to make, and pre-planning ensures your wishes will be known and respected.
  3. Prevents Family Disputes When plans aren’t clearly laid out, disagreements can arise among family members. Some might interpret your wishes differently, leading to conflict. Having everything documented in advance eliminates confusion and potential conflict.
  4. Financial Benefits Many funeral homes offer the option to pre-pay for services at today’s prices. In addition, many funeral homes also provide interest-free financing so that you can pay the balance over time. This can save money over time, especially considering the rising costs of funeral services. It also protects your family from unexpected financial burdens and lets them focus on healing rather than worrying about costs.

What Needs to Be Done in Advance

  • Choose a Funeral Home: Research and select a funeral home that you trust. Speak with a funeral director about pre-need options.
  • Decide on Burial or Cremation: Make your preference clear. If burial, choose a cemetery and possibly a specific plot. If cremation, consider what should be done with your ashes.
  • Select Specific Services: Choose the type of service (religious, secular, military honors, etc.), music, speakers, and any personal touches you’d like.
  • Choose a Casket or Urn: You can select and even purchase these in advance to ensure they reflect your taste and budget.
  • Prepare Legal Documentation: Write out your wishes in a pre-need contract, and if applicable, make sure it aligns with your will or estate plan.
  • Communicate With Loved Ones: Let your family know your plans, where the documents are stored, and any contact info for the funeral home or service provider.

How It Helps Loved Ones

  • Gives Them Clarity: They don’t have to wonder what you would have wanted.
  • Provides Relief: They’re spared from making many decisions at an emotional time.
  • Supports Grieving: With logistics handled, they have more time and space to process their loss.
  • Avoids Financial Stress: Pre-paid arrangements or even just having a clear plan in place helps loved ones avoid unplanned expenses.

In the end, pre-need burial planning is a final act of love—a way of saying, “I’ve taken care of this so you don’t have to.” It brings comfort, direction, and peace of mind to those you leave behind, and it ensures your final wishes are honored just as you intended.

The White Dove

white-dove-wallpapers-3

My mother’s family believes very strongly that departed spirits return to the physical world in winged form. This belief was handed down to me, and is so deeply ingrained that I am always keenly aware of the presence of birds and insects I encounter when a loved one has recently passed away.

When my favorite aunt passed away last December, I didn’t feel her energy around me at all. This was in stark contrast to when my dear friend Rob Willhite passed away in April of 2014. Right after Rob died, he hovered around my meditation table and my bed, and left coins on my bed, bathroom counter, desk chair, and car seat. His energy was heavy, palpable.

I began to accept the possibility that I wasn’t as spiritually connected with my aunt as I had always thought. I traveled to Oahu the third week of January and spent the days leading up to my aunty’s funeral getting reacquainted with the island. I still felt no connection with my aunt’s spirit.

The day of the funeral arrived with a vengeance, spewing rain and strong winds which were the exact opposite of the balmy, sunny days which led up to it. The funeral service was odd, and seeing my aunt’s embalmed corpse was alarming to me. It was definitely an empty vessel.

For the first time ever, I served as a pallbearer. As we carried the casket out to the hearse, the rain began to fall again. By the time the funeral procession had arrived at the cemetery, the rain was steady, and the winds were so fierce that it threw a few of the folding chairs at the site into the air.

During the burial ceremony, the priest stood in front of the casket, with his back to the interment site which awaited my aunt’s body. While he spoke, the winds whipped furiously, pushing the rain into us and rendering the protection of the tent we were sitting under completely useless. One particularly assertive gust of wind hit, and I looked up despite risking getting a face full of rain. As soon as I glanced up, a single white dove flew up from the exact position where my aunt’s final resting place would be, made a sweeping arc behind the priest, and flew up into the sky. That was the sign I was looking for. Aunty was there.

The next evening I returned to Los Angeles, and because I was battling a wicked case of bronchitis, I chose to sleep on the sofa downstairs so that I wouldn’t wake anyone upstairs. By some miracle I actually got a decent night’s sleep that night. When I woke up the next morning, I put my left foot down onto the floor, and noticed a single white feather right next to my foot. Another sign.

That feather is now in a pouch with a mala my friend Rob gave me.