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Sex After 40

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By: Dr. Stacey Naito – Physician and IFBB Pro

The Shifting Tide

Those of you about to turn the corner and enter the 40 and over zone may be concerned about the impact that getting older will have on your sex life. You may have questions about whether you must resign yourself to becoming a dried-up old lady, with no fun to be had in the bedroom. Thankfully, the reality is that you can have more fulfilling and enjoyable sex than you had in your 20’s or 30’s.

What’s more, society has gotten wind of the idea that people want to live completely fulfilled lives into their advanced years. It’s true that 40 has become the new 20, and the concept is supported by empowered celebrities like J. Lo proclaiming their eternal youth and sexual vitality without shame. So instead of allowing the aging process to shut you down, it’s time to look forward to a new and more sexually fulfilling chapter in your life.

Why Getting Older Is Great For Your Sex Life

I don’t know about you, but I wouldn’t trade the knowledge and life experience I obtained over my 52 years on the planet to return to my 20’s, because aging has positively impacted every aspect of my life, including what happens behind closed doors. With age comes acceptance of who we are, body flaws and all. Let’s face it, we accumulate stretch marks, cellulite, scars, etc. over time, all of which could send us into a meltdown if we stressed out about them. We have become more comfortable with who we are, which translates to greater body confidence. That body confidence works to our advantage in the bedroom, because we no longer feel uneasy or ashamed of how we look sans clothing. When we are comfortable naked, we can finally relax and enjoy intimate encounters to the fullest.

A woman in her 40’s or 50’s is less likely to take desperate measures to entice her man, such as dressing up in sexy but uncomfortable lingerie, or wearing a pair of high heels guaranteed to aggravate her plantar fasciitis or her bad back. In contrast, it seems there are plenty of women in younger age brackets who follow ridiculous wardrobe guidelines to garner the attention of potential sex partners or followers on social media channels. A woman in her 40’s of beyond doesn’t have the inclination to make a fool out of herself to guarantee a romp in the bedroom. She is older, wiser, and doesn’t have time for such nonsense. She doesn’t feel like she needs to try so hard to win her partner’s favor. Her attitude tends to be more along the lines of, “This is what I got, take it or leave it.” Besides, I am willing to bet that such an attitude is far sexier to a man these days. In addition, most men tend to be more excited about the notion of getting you naked, and once you are in the buff, they aren’t scrutinizing your body for flaws.

Older women are also less selfish in bed, and bolder about declaring what they want. They know their bodies, their likes and dislikes. If single, they are more discerning about how they procure partners, so they are less likely to engage in risky activities which expose them to sexually transmitted diseases. For older women in a relationship, there is a greater likelihood that they have been with the same partner for many years, and have developed a level of intimacy which only comes from a longer term committed relationship. A 40-something woman is usually confident enough to turn to her partner and say, “I really like it when you use your hands on me more”, and not fret about whether her partner will accept her sexual preferences.

Chances are that for older women, there are far fewer household distractions which can impede the natural progression of an afternoon of flirting into a full-blown lovemaking session. Such interludes are pretty much impossible if a baby is crying, or young children are demanding attention. Once children have become old enough to be relatively independent, say from pre-teens on, there may be more opportunities to roll around in the sheets with your partner without any interruptions. That kind of freedom can result in more spontaneous sexual encounters and greater satisfaction.

For those past menopause, Aunt Flo’s monthly visit no longer interferes with any amorous advances. Furthermore, there is no concern about getting pregnant and having an unplanned family addition. It’s incredibly liberating.

Sexual Issues and Aging

Though I have painted a rosy picture of the sex life of older women, there are some issues which can interfere with optimal sexual activity. However, this doesn’t mean that all women over 40 will experience sexual dysfunction. As geriatric psychiatrist and Caring.com senior editor Ken Robbins states, “Impaired sexuality and sexual function aren’t normal consequences of aging.” (https://www.caring.com/articles/sexless-after-40).

Women can experience symptoms of perimenopause as early as 35, and the diminishing estrogen and progesterone levels can result in vaginal dryness and thinning of the vaginal mucosa, both of which can make intercourse painful. If this occurs, make sure to obtain a pelvic exam with a physician who can diagnose and treat the condition. In many cases, a lubricant is sufficient, but hormone replacement therapy may be offered as an option as well.

Some women may experience a decrease in sexual desire as they age, but many others experience a surge in libido from the increased testosterone to estrogen ratio, which increases as estrogen levels continue to diminish. The sexual benefits of testosterone are also enhanced by regular weight training, which naturally boosts testosterone levels in the body. However, the ebb and flow of sexual desire often fluctuates more in women over the age of 40, a result of associated dips and surges in hormonal levels. In addition, the hot flashes, night sweats, and mood swings associated with plummeting progesterone levels don’t exactly make a woman feel amorous.

If you are a woman over 40 who is experiencing symptoms of perimenopause, such as hot flashes, and they are frequent enough to disrupt your daily life, seek the advice of a physician. During your visit, you may ask if the addition of hormonal support supplements like maca or dihydroepiandrosterone (DHEA) would be helpful in decreasing the symptoms you are experiencing.
Most importantly, reduce stress in your daily life, get plenty of rest, and communicate with your partner about any sexual concerns you may have.

People Who Say These 5 Words Have Very Low Emotional Intelligence

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Please check out the post at:

https://www.msn.com/en-us/lifestyle/mind-and-soul/people-who-say-these-5-words-have-very-low-emotional-intelligence/ar-AAyz0K5?ocid=spartanntp

I have copied and pasted the article here for you for convenience.

Who agrees with Bill Murphy’s assessment? Who disagrees?

Most people would probably agree with both Bill Murphy and Justin Bariso, and bristle when someone makes the statement, “I know how you feel.” No one truly knows how you feel, because your experience is unique and important. Such a statement does nothing to communicate empathy, but instead alienates the listener. Remember that sharing your particular experience in an effort to comfort the other person detracts from his or her own experience. It’s best to either keep your mouth shut, or just say, “I’m sorry that happened.” Be an ear to bend, not a barometer by which the other person must measure his or her own troubling experience.

By Bill Murphy Jr. of Inc.

They mean the exact opposite of what you think. But only emotionally intelligent people understand why.

The words hit me like a hurricane: “I know how you feel.”

They’re right there on pages 80 and 81 of my colleague Justin Bariso’s new book about emotional intelligence. They’re simple words, and real–and yet as Justin writes, they’re also absolutely the wrong thing to say to those who confide in you with their problems or fears.

These situations are tough, sometimes. You’ve been trusted. You want to develop rapport. You want to act the way somebody with real emotional intelligence would act.

You want to help.

Yet, rather than creating a connection, “I know how you feel” and other phrases like it build a wall between you and the other person.

The phrase suggests that you don’t truly understand what the other person feels at all. (Really, how could you?) It suggests that you feel the need to turn the conversation toward your experience, not his or hers, and that ultimately you don’t really care about that person’s concerns after all.

In other words, this five-word phrase sends a message that’s 100 percent the opposite of what you intend.

So don’t say, “I know how you feel.” Here’s what to do instead.

Shift vs. support

If you’ve read this far, I suspect you really do care about people. But like me perhaps, you don’t always realize the true effects of your words.

The solution, as sociologist Charles Derber suggests, and Celeste Headlee summarizes, is to gauge your responses in real time, and ask yourself whether you’re offering a “shift response” or a “support response.”

What’s the difference?

A shift response involves an attempt to guide the conversation toward your life experiences, and away from the experiences of the person you’re ostensibly listening to and perhaps even trying to help.

A support response sets aside your ego, and instead keeps the focus on the other person’s feelings and experience.

Conversational narcissism

A few examples will make this very clear. In each case below, just imagine that a friend or colleague opens a conversation with the highlighted statement. Then think about how each response would make him or her feel.

1. “My boss doesn’t respect me.”

Shift response: “I went through the exact same thing last year. I wound up leaving and finding a better job.”

Support response: “I’m sorry to hear that. What makes you feel that way?”

2. “If I could just get organized, I’d have the world on a string.”

Shift response: “I know–I have the same problem.”

Support response: “What do you think stops you from being organized?”

3. “I’m so sad since my breakup.”

Shift response: “You just need to get back out there and start dating again.”

Support response: “What do you think stops you from being able to move forward?”

Derber calls the whole phenomenon, at least the part in which well-meaning people shift the discussion to their own experience, “conversational narcissism.”

Is that a $20 phrase to describe a $1 problem? Maybe. But it does make it clear.

“I can imagine…”

As Justin puts it in his book, the successful strategy to communicate effectively and leverage emotional intelligence requires avoiding phrases like these:

“I know exactly how you feel.”

“I’ve been through this before.”

“I completely understand; or, I get it.”

And replacing them instead with things like the following:

“I’m sorry that happened.”

“I can imagine how you may feel.”

“Thanks for sharing this. Tell me more.”

Actually, I might take issue even with “I can imagine how you may feel.” But we’ll leave it in.

Just remember that the whole point here is to acknowledge how hard it is to really put yourself in someone else’s shoes, and instead make clear that you have empathy.

You’re trying to understand–even as you acknowledge that full success might not ever be possible. The true connection that you’re both looking for comes with the well-communicated attempt.

Why Fifty Is Great

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So far, I have really enjoyed being fifty years old. It isn’t nearly as alarming or horrific as I had made it out to be. In keeping with the slogan which was on my most recent birthday cake, I truly feel like “50 IS THE NEW 20” and am thrilled that my physical appearance has also kept up with my spirit, mind, and intentions.

After spending a half-century on the planet, I no longer have the patience to deal with people who can’t honor their word. My tolerance has completely dissolved, and I think nothing of tossing flaky people to the curb. I guess the old adage, “with age comes wisdom” has a lot of truth to it. My gut instinct has proven consistently to be a foolproof guardian, so I no longer try to fight it. I trust it completely.

I cannot and will not wait for things to happen. I need to generate my own momentum and know that I can only truly depend on myself. Challenges will continue to hit me, but I feel stronger than ever about my ability to handle anything that comes my way. I also know that situations will always find their own resolution eventually. I also trust the process by which situations must unfold, and I also put tremendous faith in the universe. I maintain a connection with the universe by meditating daily and by keeping energy flowing through me.

How Technology Is Making Us Stupid

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cell-phone-driving-660-806x393

Please check out my original post at:

http://xactmind.com/xc/articles/how-technology-is-making-us-stupid/

By: Dr. Stacey Naito – Physician and IFBB Pro

Global Positioning Satellite (GPS) navigation has become one of modern society’s necessary evils, making printed maps such as Thomas Guides pretty worthless these days. People with a poor sense of direction consider GPS to be a godsend, but even people like me with strong directional skills have been grateful for GPS navigation. As a matter of fact, I can no longer imagine having a car without navigation built into it (thankfully, many car manufacturers are making this feature standard in some car models), and when I travel, I make good use of the navigation application on my smartphone.

However, GPS navigation threatens our ability to mentally map our surroundings, enough to make us quite blind to our surroundings. Basically, by getting comfortable with the convenience of GPS, we have become drones as we follow the directions on the screen, and the virtual roads become more imprinted in our memories than the actual terrain on which we have traveled. This means that we never fully experience the mental mapping that usually occurs when we are fully aware of our surroundings. In addition, if we make a wrong turn, GPS systems simply recalculate, so we never learn to re-map, and instead just follow the adjusted prompts.

According to neuroscientist Veronique Bohbot, not only does the convenience of GPS decrease one’s ability to adjust or improvise an alternate route, it results in a decrease in gray matter in the seat of spatial learning known as the hippocampus. Accordingly, people who practice mental mapping on a daily basis, like taxi drivers, have more gray matter in the hippocampus than those who are not regularly engaged in mental mapping.

The virtual world which a satellite navigation system relies on also robs us of the richness of experience which comes with pausing to notice our surroundings. We should pay more attention to the real world in front of us instead of allowing technology to turn us into idiots.

Go ahead and use GPS, but try to remain aware of your surroundings as you travel around. Your brain will benefit.

Hindsight is 20/20: Weight Training Then Versus Now

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IMGL0080 (2)
This article details the five most important things I have learned about training since I began weight lifting over 25 years ago. When I think back on how little I truly knew about the methods and motivation behind working out, I realize that I have come a very, very long way. It was no accident that I obtained an undergraduate degree in exercise science and a medical degree, because I have spent my adult life strongly driven to learn as much about the human body and its potential as I possibly could. However, there is so much warrior spirit and heart that goes into weight lifting, and it can never be taught, only experienced.

Lifting Lady Weights versus A Lady Lifting WEIGHTS

I began lifting weights when I was 21 years old, shortly after embarking on a mission to heal from a year-long struggle with anorexia which brought me down to 85 pounds and also sunk my spirits to rock bottom. At that time my main objective was to learn how to lift properly, which fortunately was supported by my undergraduate studies and eventual Bachelor’s degree. I was rail thin and weak, so it took some time before I made real gains in the weight room. I held the same misconception back then that many women have now, in which I had a fear of lifting heavy and getting too muscular as a result. More than 25 years later, I regularly dispel that myth by encouraging women to lift heavy weights and showing them that my physique, which is not overly muscular, is the result of some very heavy lifting over the last several years.

Maintaining a Nice Physique versus Raising The Bar

During the years preceding my journey into competitive bodybuilding, I never pushed myself to the next level because I honestly never saw the point. I was content with the degree of muscle I had built in my 20’s and 30’s and was surrounded by people who weren’t impressed with weight training, so I never set new goals. Since I was blessed with decent genetics which kept me at a low to normal body weight and a moderate amount of muscle mass, I was pretty complacent (though very consistent) about my weight training. Then I went through a dramatic shift in 2009 when I competed in my first NPC bodybuilding contest and had an “aha” moment in which I finally understood the insatiable desire to push on to the next level and continue to set the bar higher and higher. Essentially, I had been bitten by the bodybuilding bug, and it overtook me with a ferocity and intensity that I had never known. I know that if it hadn’t been for that dogged determination which made me hungry for top national placings and an IFBB Pro Card, I might never have become a Pro.

Competitions & Overtraining versus Paying Attention To Pain

Let’s just get one thing straight: ever since I began competing in 2009, I have become accustomed to training like a beast. However, when I began my journey towards obtaining IFBB Professional Status, my purpose was so singular that I was willing to train until I collapsed from complete exhaustion, a tactic which I now realize is pretty stupid since it wreaks major havoc on the body when practiced for many months or years. I now understand that it is NEVER worth overtraining, or training with injuries which won’t heal because the athlete never takes a break from lifting. Overtraining interferes with muscle gains, immune function, sleep cycles, joint health, mood and energy, and can trigger a complete metabolic meltdown if the athlete continues overtraining for an extended period of time. Though my body’s creaks and groans, along with chronic pain issues from rotator cuff tears in my shoulder and severe tendinitis (IT bands, forearms, feet) were what caused me to finally ease up on the intensity of my workouts, I only allowed myself to pull the reins back AFTER I got my Pro Card. Once the beast had been slain, I fully embraced the idea of training smart and listening to my body’s pain cues

Hurry Up Before It’s Too Late versus Improving With Age

Before I began competing, I honestly believed that there was a freshness date stamped on competitors which essentially relegated them to the dinosaur pits by the time they reached 35 or 40. So I became positively giddy when I discovered that there was a masters’ division in bodybuilding and that I could strut my 43-year old booty onstage without risk of embarrassment. I regarded each subsequent contest as a chance to improve with age, thus using my competitions as a means to beat Father Time. Through my competition journey I have also met other bodybuilding and fitness devotees who do an outstanding job of proving that one can never be too old to be in great shape.

Seeing Clients/Patients One-On-One versus Impacting The Masses

If someone had told me back in 2009 (my first year of competing) that I would build a global following in a couple of years, I never would have believed it, especially since I had become so accustomed to working with fitness training clients and medical patients on a one-on-one basis. My passion for fitness became supercharged when I began competing, and I was so enthusiastic about sharing that passion that I turned to websites and social media platforms to demonstrate favorite exercises and contest video footage. Without thinking about it, I had put myself in a position to lead by example, and used my knowledge, educational background and experience to build fan loyalty and inspire and motivate my followers and fans. To this day, I love getting messages from fans who say that it was because of me that they decided to start competing or to pursue another personal passion which gave them joy and also graced them with optimal fitness.

These days, I often refer to embarking on a fitness and wellness regimen as putting the oxygen mask over one’s own face. That was exactly what I did for myself over 25 years ago. By showing others how to do the same thing, I feel completely in line with my life’s purpose, and it’s extremely rewarding.

“Are You Sure You Broke It?”

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It’s amazing how much an injury to a small area can hurt like the dickens! I recently fractured my right great toe by dropping a 25 pound weight plate on it (oh, the hazards of being a gym rat…) and have been dealing with a tremendous amount of pain from the injury. I had done the exact same thing (albeit with a 10 pound weight plate) on the left great toe back in 2002 and experienced pain in my toe for a full year, so I am dreading having to endure the healing process again. Driving has become a major hassle, because pressing on the gas and brake pedals loads a pressure on the extremity which radiates to my poor broken digit. I am now limited to wearing flip flops and a couple of pairs of athletic shoes with larger toe boxes which accommodate the swelling somewhat. I say somewhat because the athletic shoes I have worn have created nasty blisters on the top of my toe, creating a completely different type of pain which is stacked upon the deep bone pain. Oh what fun.

When I shared the news that I had broken my toe, a couple of people had asked me if I knew it was broken, and one person kept yammering on about what to do to treat the fracture. I am a medical doctor who has seen more than my share of fractures, and I KNOW what a fracture looks like. What I don’t understand is how people can ask me if I know for sure, or how they can tell me I need to see a doctor for it. Rest assured, I am in excellent hands with my doctor: ME.

Here is a collage of images taken of my toe from 30 minutes post-injury to 36 hours post-injury. No X-ray will aid in the diagnosis, nor will it change the treatment course. Yes, it IS broken. This injury will definitely set me back with training and competing because I will not be able to perform plyometric exercises, treadmill work, calf work or lunges for a while. However, I will not be deterred from continuing to train around my injury, and will take this opportunity to develop a heightened awareness of pushing through the heel while performing exercises which target the glutes. Who knows, maybe this injury will be a blessing in disguise, a tool to help me round out a problem area?
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Hindsight is 20/20: Weight Training Then Versus Now

drstaceynaito Leave a comment

before lift shoot with LeeThis article details the five most important things I have learned about training since I began weight lifting over 25 years ago. When I think back on how little I truly knew about the methods and motivation behind working out, I realize that I have come a very, very long way. It was no accident that I obtained an undergraduate degree in exercise science and a medical degree, because I have spent my adult life strongly driven to learn as much about the human body and its potential as I possibly could. However, there is so much warrior spirit and heart that goes into weight lifting, and it can never be taught, only experienced.

Lifting Lady Weights versus A Lady Lifting WEIGHTS

I began lifting weights when I was 21 years old, shortly after embarking on a mission to heal from a year-long struggle with anorexia which brought me down to 85 pounds and also sunk my spirits to rock bottom. At that time my main objective was to learn how to lift properly, which fortunately was supported by my undergraduate studies and eventual Bachelor’s degree. I was rail thin and weak, so it took some time before I made real gains in the weight room. I held the same misconception back then that many women have now, in which I had a fear of lifting heavy and getting too muscular as a result. More than 25 years later, I regularly dispel that myth by encouraging women to lift heavy weights and showing them that my physique, which is not overly muscular, is the result of some very heavy lifting over the last several years.

Maintaining a Nice Physique versus Raising The Bar

During the years preceding my journey into competitive bodybuilding, I never pushed myself to the next level because I honestly never saw the point. I was content with the degree of muscle I had built in my 20’s and 30’s and was surrounded by people who weren’t impressed with weight training, so I never set new goals. Since I was blessed with decent genetics which kept me at a low to normal body weight and a moderate amount of muscle mass, I was pretty complacent (though very consistent) about my weight training. Then I went through a dramatic shift in 2009 when I competed in my first NPC bodybuilding contest and had an “aha” moment in which I finally understood the insatiable desire to push on to the next level and continue to set the bar higher and higher. Essentially, I had been bitten by the bodybuilding bug, and it overtook me with a ferocity and intensity that I had never known. I know that if it hadn’t been for that dogged determination which made me hungry for top national placings and an IFBB Pro Card, I might never have become a Pro.

Competitions & Overtraining versus Paying Attention To Pain

Let’s just get one thing straight: ever since I began competing in 2009, I have become accustomed to training like a beast. However, when I began my journey towards obtaining IFBB Professional Status, my purpose was so singular that I was willing to train until I collapsed from complete exhaustion, a tactic which I now realize is pretty stupid since it wreaks major havoc on the body when practiced for many months or years. I now understand that it is NEVER worth overtraining, or training with injuries which won’t heal because the athlete never takes a break from lifting. Overtraining interferes with muscle gains, immune function, sleep cycles, joint health, mood and energy, and can trigger a complete metabolic meltdown if the athlete continues overtraining for an extended period of time. Though my body’s creaks and groans, along with chronic pain issues from rotator cuff tears in my shoulder and severe tendinitis (IT bands, forearms, feet) were what caused me to finally ease up on the intensity of my workouts, I only allowed myself to pull the reins back AFTER I got my Pro Card. Once the beast had been slain, I fully embraced the idea of training smart and listening to my body’s pain cues

Hurry Up Before It’s Too Late versus Improving With Age

Before I began competing, I honestly believed that there was a freshness date stamped on competitors which essentially relegated them to the dinosaur pits by the time they reached 35 or 40. So I became positively giddy when I discovered that there was a masters’ division in bodybuilding and that I could strut my 43-year old booty onstage without risk of embarrassment. I regarded each subsequent contest as a chance to improve with age, thus using my competitions as a means to beat Father Time. Through my competition journey I have also met other bodybuilding and fitness devotees who do an outstanding job of proving that one can never be too old to be in great shape.

Seeing Clients/Patients One-On-One versus Impacting The Masses

If someone had told me back in 2009 (my first year of competing) that I would build a global following in a couple of years, I never would have believed it, especially since I had become so accustomed to working with fitness training clients and medical patients on a one-on-one basis. My passion for fitness became supercharged when I began competing, and I was so enthusiastic about sharing that passion that I turned to websites and social media platforms to demonstrate favorite exercises and contest video footage. Without thinking about it, I had put myself in a position to lead by example, and used my knowledge, educational background and experience to build fan loyalty and inspire and motivate my followers and fans. To this day, I love getting messages from fans who say that it was because of me that they decided to start competing or to pursue another personal passion which gave them joy and also graced them with optimal fitness.

These days, I often refer to embarking on a fitness and wellness regimen as putting the oxygen mask over one’s own face. That was exactly what I did for myself over 25 years ago. By showing others how to do the same thing, I feel completely in line with my life’s purpose, and it’s extremely rewarding.