Tag communication

Loose Change

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A few days after my dear friend and meditation teacher Rob died, several people told me that those who have recently departed will often leave loose change as a way of communicating. I thought it was interesting but didn’t give it much attention, partly because I was too busy grieving and reflecting, and partly because I had never experienced such a thing. My heart was heavy over Rob’s passing, and I was trying to adjust to the emptiness I felt, knowing I would never see Rob as a living being again.

About two weeks after that, I came downstairs to the garage, and when I grabbed my handbag from the office, I noticed 3 quarters sitting near the edge of my desk. I am not the type of person who ever leaves change lying around, so when I saw the quarters, I chuckled and said Rob’s name. A couple of days later, I came home from the gym, went upstairs to my bedroom, and saw 3 quarters at the foot of my neatly made bed, in a deliberate triangular configuration. Again, I chuckled and said Rob’s name.

Another week or so passed with no change lying around. Then one day when I had been in the house most of the morning, I walked into the garage, got into my car, and noticed two quarters and a dime on the passenger’s seat. No one had sat in the passenger’s seat for over a week, and my food bag was the only “occupant” of that seat since then. Yet the coins sat on the seat in plain sight, not wedged in the crevice but squarely on the seat. If you ask me now whether I believe in the idea that those who have died visit us and leave signs such as loose change, I will emphatically say that I do.

While writing this blog I did a search to see what other people had written on this subject, and came across this incredible post. Please read it if you want to read a remarkable story of one woman’s experience with finding dimes.

http://www.thedailyawe.com/2011/09/spiritual-significance-of-dimes/

Respond To My Text!

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texting and IG
I cannot figure out why people these days are prone to ignoring texts. I understand that it can be difficult to respond to voicemail messages and email messages throughout the day, but is it so difficult to respond to someone’s text? I have a tendency to be quite brief with my texts, and I am by no means the type of person who engages in small talk via text, simply because I don’t have the time or the inclination to do such a thing. However, if someone texts me with an important or time sensitive question or issue, I am courteous enough to respond as quickly as I am able to. Accordingly, if I text someone about something important, I expect a response. If I have to keep texting, my irritation increases exponentially with each follow-up text, and I think to myself, why am I expending all this energy to follow up when this person is being so damned rude?

There was one situation I dealt with recently which irritated me to no end. It pertained to a poorly functioning central A/C unit in my home during triple digit weather, creating an ugent situation. I texted the property manager regarding the situation, and waited three days. When I got no response, I sent another text and also included a note with our rent checks. Instead of getting a text response, I received a call four days later from someone else at the management company who wanted to send someone that morning to look at the A/C. I agreed to it and someone was dispatched to our place that day. If you’re doing the math here, it took 7 days to address an urgent issue. When I returned home I saw evidence that the service technician had been in our place, but there were parts lying around so I texted the manager with questions regarding the parts. I then waited another WEEK before getting a call from the associate who finally addressed my questions regarding parts which were lying around, then told me that the manager was often out of town. Excuse me? If that was an issue, he should have sent a quick text or called me to clarify his situation instead of ignoring me like that. In my estimation, that shows a glaring lack of consideration.

It seems so strange to me that people avoid texting when it is the quickest and most convenient way to communicate via communication devices. I think it is downright RUDE when a person ignores a greeting or an expression of positive vibes which are sent via text. More recently, I have been blocking people who have repeatedly shown a lack of consideration and a complete absorption in themselves. Life is far too short to deal with such insults!

Some People Text TOO MUCH!

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I cannot believe how some people seem to be addicted to texting, to the exclusion of actually speaking to others in person (that’s because they’re too distracted by texting incessantly). Call me old school, but I much prefer having discussions via phone or in person chats than via text. One of the most annoying things for me is to be presented with a multi-part question requiring a lengthy response. If that text is followed up with a number of similarly epic-length scrolls, I will often resort to text responses such as, “too much to text” or “tell you when I see you”, because it is agonizing for me to text an interminable response.
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I have determined a few types of texting addicts by their tendencies and styles:

THE ADVICE SEEKER: This person is always asking for advice, whether it be on what movie to see, what job offer to take, or what name would be most suitable for his new dog. Some people I know will regularly ask for medical advice which generally irritates me, since I do not treat patients remotely. I just recently had someone ask me detailed questions about an upcoming surgery. It took almost a half hour of my time to respond to all the texts, whereas if we had just talked on the phone, we could have covered the same material in about 5 minutes.

THE TOLSTOY: This person enjoys writing lengthy essays which, on certain phones, will come in 4, 5, 6 segments, each of which is lengthy enough to make your eyes cross. Such texts may take the form of a synopsis of the entire day, or if it has been a while since the person has texted, may summarize the last few weeks or months. If that’s the case, brace yourself for an endless stream of these essays.

THE WORD ASSOCIATION TEXTER: The word association texter employs a style of texting which reads like random thoughts which are wholly unrelated to each other. It’s a hippy-dippy, stream of consciousness style which makes little sense at all.

THE LAZY TEXTER: The lazy texter may get into a rhythm and text quite a bit, but the texts are full of typos and require you to play a guessing game and translate the gibberish. “Going to the gym around 7 am” may end up looking more like “Goidn ti the gtm arudhb 7 am”. What bugs me is that certain people have no problem sending an endless stream of these massively misspelled texts. It seems lazy and sloppy, and it drives me nuts.

THE “LOL” TEXTER: This person is evidently quite happy when texting, because he or she uses “LOL” like it’s a part of normal conversation. You may even see humorless texts from this person with “LOL” appended to them. An example of an actual text I received from someone a couple of years ago is, “Oh wow, that sucks about your dad in the hospital and all LOL”. HOW IS THAT FUNNY?

THE ABBREVIATION TEXTER: This person abbreviates everything from TTYL to SMH, IDK, etc. I wonder if people who have a tendency to do this begin to forget the actual words behind the abbreviations? Hah!

THE EMOTICON TEXTER: This person loves using the emoticons which have become so ingrained in our culture. You can open up a text exchange with this person and see smiley faces and frown faces peppered throughout the entire record.

THE ANGRY TEXTER: This type of person likes to argue via text instead of hashing it out via phone or face to face contact. Usually such arguments are the result of misinterpreted texts and are best avoided by speaking on the phone with each other, but the angry texter opts to communicate via text.

THE “WHATCHA DOING?” TEXTER: This person’s texts can follow you around like a puppy dog, with “whatcha doing?”, and “what are you up to?” used quite a bit. If you text “at work, can’t text now”, you will encourage this person to then send about 15 text messages in a row, with things like, “yeah, it’s a drag being at work”, “what are you working on?”, “Do you have a really busy schedule today?”, etc.

I honestly think people should rely less on texting technology and return to communicating by voice on the phones they carry around with them.

Relationships Aren’t What They Used To Be

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angry-man-and-womanRelationships take some work to keep them humming along, and some couples are actually fortunate enough to find a formula which nurtures their interaction and enables them to beat the odds. Sadly, though, it just seems like most people these days are too quick to jump ship. Perhaps it has something to do with the promise of the bigger, better deal which multiple dating sites proffer, but I believe the restlessness and discontent are largely due to laziness. Our society is so rapid fire, with the convenience of social media ironically causing a veritable breakdown of true communication and intimacy, that as soon as conflict arises with someone, the instinct to flee seems to rear its ugly head. Gone are the days of working issues out over many decades, staying the course and serving as an example of everlasting love. The art of compromise seems to be lost, and people often will cohabitate or marry with separation or divorce viewed as an easy escape route. It’s no wonder that breakups seem to be happening more frequently now.

Love and relationships are almost treated like fast food, and the sad thing is that through the common lack of willingness to constructively work through conflict, many relationships become disposable. Like fast food, weak or unstable relationships begin to resemble fast food, full of empty calories and ultimately bad for the system. Also like fast food, weak unions may cause cravings for more of the same, and a vicious pattern may ensue. If you ask yourself why you keep picking the same type of person, it is time to look at the reasons why you are drawn to that type of person and do whatever personal work you need to do in order to break such patterns. Otherwise, you will find yourself in the same situation with the next person.

I have talked to couples who have been together for four, five, six decades and they have all said the same thing about weathering the storm through the years and enjoying a lasting union. It seems to boil down to two very important guidelines:

1. ALWAYS RESPECT EACH OTHER. Psychologists say that a clear sign of impending demise for a relationship is when partners fail to respect each other. Insulting, name calling and blaming are the clearest signs, but there are other indications of a lack of respect, such as lack of emotional support for a partner when major life events occur. This doesn’t mean that successful couples never fight, they just argue in a constructive fashion and allow each other the opportunity to vent all frustrations and concerns without interrupting or attacking.

2. DON’T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF. Rather than nitpicking about little things, successful couples let them go. If irritating issues arise, calmly discussing the issue is far more successful than bickering about minor incidents like the trash not being thrown out, or the toothpaste cap being left off. However, both partners must be receptive to active and constructive communication. If one partner is hostile and unyielding, the petty issues will erode intimacy and affection.

Taking A Break From Your Phone

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Cell phone technology has become so advanced that we now carry handheld supercomputers with us wherever we go. What I do NOT like about this supposed convenience is that it has enslaved us to the gadgets. Between checking emails, texts, voicemail messages, Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram via my phone on a daily basis, I have developed a rather hearty love-hate relationship with the thing. There is also a bit of a damned-if-I-do, damned-if-I-don’t curse which has pervaded my daily life. If I take my phone with me, I get bombarded, and if I leave my phone in the car or at home, I will invariably upset someone by not being readily available as a result.

I remember the good old days when people would call you at home, and if you weren’t available, they left a message which you could return at your convenience. In this instant feedback network we have created, we have become so accustomed to immediate responses that cell phones have become an immense distraction to the natural rhythm of life. In some sense we have sacrificed freedom for convenience, an ironic thing when you think about it. I remember getting my first cell phone and feeling so liberated because I no longer had to worry about people having difficulty getting in touch with me, and for some time it was incredibly convenient. Lately, however, I find myself constantly checking my phone’s buzzing or vibrating to see if the incoming communication is a Facebook email, a Yahoo! email, a text message, a voicemail message, a Tweet, etc. I see others doing the same thing, often to such an extent that they will ignore friends they are congregating with in order to check their phones.

I am very curious to know what all this technology and convenience is doing to our ability to take a break from the day and truly relax. My concern over this has resulted in a daily habit I have which is to put my cell phone on the charger when I come home, set the phone face down, and TAKE A BREAK from it. I am sure the rest of you could do the same without any negative effects. I have no intention of continuing to be encumbered by a Smartphone!

What Happened To A Good Old-Fashioned Phone Call?

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smartphonesThese days we walk around with cell phones that are technological marvels, a far cry from the behemoth units from the original mobile phone era. The term “SmartPhone” is an appropriate description for the most part, since Android phones rival the storage capabilities and functions of our laptop computers. We can do Google searches, map out a travel route, check our work schedules, update social media, listen to music, read books and watch movies and videos on our phones now. Residential land lines have become all but obsolete now. Another thing that has become fairly obsolete is the point and shoot camera. Cell phones have such high quality cameras now that there is no reason to have a separate dedicated camera.old-school-cell-phone

Because our phones can do so much, it is not uncommon to see people constantly distracted by their phones. I have actually seen people together at a restaurant, seated at a table, and looking at their phones without speaking to each other at all. I have also witnessed (and been guilty of same) people leave the table to use the restroom and look immediately at their phones, while their meal mates immediately look at their phones as well. Years ago such things would have been regarded as incredibly rude, but are to an extent part of the accepted norm now.

I have also noticed that many people will look at their phones right before going to sleep at night and right upon waking every morning. Whatever happened to looking over at your mate or spending time with your pets? Is your phone more precious than they are? A cell phone should never be the first thing to grab in the morning (though many people have resorted to using their cell phone alarms to wake them up in the mornings) or the last thing they look at in the evening. Cell phones have become a modern-day security blanket.texting on phone

Perhaps the one thing that frustrates me the most is that many people will engage in lengthy text exchanges. If there is a great deal to be said, especially if there is the exchange of a lot of information, or worse yet, a heated argument, it seems to me that speaking on the phone would be much easier and more considerate to the texting partner than continuing to engage in behavior that avoids inflection and a true connection with another human being. In addition, all that texting aggravates the thumbs so much that a medical condition called “Gamekeeper’s Thumb” should at this point be renamed “Texter’s Thumb”. Besides, how real are our communications with each other when we are so busy using abbreviations like “LOL”, “TY”,”OMG”, and emoticons like :-), 😦 and ;-P ?

Come on, guys! You might not remember that your cell phones are equipped to handle voice calls along with all the other nifty features that you allow yourself to get distracted by. Let’s not allow basic communication to break down as a result of being tethered to our cell phones. Girl on phone