Tag comfort

Don’t Touch!

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It is never appropriate for a man — or anyone, for that matter — to touch a woman’s body, including her legs or butt, without her clear, enthusiastic consent. This isn’t just about “manners” or “boundaries”; it’s about basic human dignity, respect, and the right each person has to autonomy over their own body.

Invasion of a Woman’s Body

Touching someone without consent is a violation. It’s not a compliment, not a joke, and not excusable because of a friendship or past closeness. A woman’s body is her own, not an object to be touched at someone else’s whim. When a man puts his hands on her without permission — even if they’re “close friends” — it invades her personal space, disrespects her autonomy, and communicates a total disregard for her comfort and her right to say what happens to her body.

Disrespect and Objectification

When a man touches a woman’s body without consent — especially in a sexual or suggestive way, like grabbing her butt — he is objectifying her. He is reducing her to something that exists for his pleasure or amusement. That kind of behavior says: “Your body is here for me to use,” whether consciously intended or not.

It’s not about affection or connection — it’s about power and control. It disregards who she is as a person and treats her like a thing. Even if they’re friends, even if she’s never said anything before, it’s not okay. Silence is not consent, and familiarity doesn’t equal permission.

The Impact

For the woman, it can be confusing, infuriating, violating, and dehumanizing — especially when it comes from someone she trusts. It can make her feel unsafe in spaces where she should feel secure, like among friends. It sends the message that her comfort, safety, and agency don’t matter.

The Responsibility

It is every person’s responsibility to respect others’ boundaries, and that starts with recognizing that touching someone without permission is a form of disrespect and harm. Being close friends doesn’t mean you get a “pass.” Respect is not situational — it’s foundational.

Touch is not harmless if it’s not wanted. Just because you don’t mean anything by it doesn’t mean it doesn’t mean something to the person you’re touching. The intention does not erase the impact.

Wanting to talk about this openly is important — especially because it’s not just about one action. It’s about the culture that normalizes the objectification of women and teaches some men that entitlement is acceptable if it’s dressed up as “playfulness” or “friendship.” But real friendship is rooted in respect.

My Reading Nook

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Despite the fact that my large sectional leather sofa has an incredibly comfortable chaise portion, I have coveted a plush, comfortable, stand-alone chaise lounge for many years. When I initially thought of getting one, my now ex-boyfriend nixed the idea, telling me that it would clutter up the living room, so I abandoned the idea.

Then at the end of last year, I decided to get rid of an old futon sleeper sofa which was in the seating area of my bedroom (I have a large bedroom). The futon mattress would constantly slip down on the frame, and since the futon served as the “doghouse” for my guy or me during arguments, there was so much bad energy associated with the piece of furniture that I sold it.

After the futon was sold, I decided to repurpose the seating area in my bedroom to accommodate a desk and bookcase, and also decided that a chaise lounge would be a terrific seating option for the area as well. I wanted something convertible, something which could flatten out and serve as a bed, so I chose a very modern design.

I lived with this piece of furniture for close to four months, and determined during that span of time that this chaise was quite possibly the most uncomfortable lounge chair I had ever encountered. And forget about sleeping on it. One night when I was having coughing fits, I decided to try out the chaise as a bed. The following morning, I awoke with the most horrific full back spasm! After that horrible night, I confined my use of the chaise to afternoon reading sessions, but even with the back propped up on the chaise, it still wasn’t very comfortable, so I returned it.

In its place, I purchased this chaise lounge:

Though this chaise cannot be converted into a bed like the previous chaise, it is incredibly comfortable, wonderful for afternoon reading, and fits in well with the surrounding furnishings.

My new chaise is plush, and the curvature accommodates the body’s natural lines beautifully. After accessorizing the nook with a dimmable reading lamp, I created a very cozy escape which is great for reading, relaxing, and napping.

I Just Had To Get A New Pillow

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Pillow

The combination of a poorly cooled townhouse (the result of an untimely coil leak in the central air conditioning), night sweats, cats who think it’s cool to use me as a natural radiator, aches and pains in my hips, legs, shoulders, forearms and hands, and a recurrent neck strain have all robbed me of sleep almost every night this summer. With the exception of the cat issue, I was determined to find solutions to all of the sleep robbing elements in my life.

The central air conditioning is finally going to be replaced within the next week (HALLELUJAH!), the night sweats have abated somewhat (due to better hormonal balance in my perimenopausal body), and the aches and pains have been better as a result of fantastic chiropractic work by Dr. Ryan Pendon and Dr. Ryan Chapman from Urban Med. I realized that the neck strain was aggravated by pillows which did a horrible job of supporting my noggin, so I figured I could buy new ones.

Since I always buy new pillows for my bed every year in the autumn months, and wasn’t quite due for a new set, I hesitated on making a purchase. But the pillows I had been sleeping on since November were no longer fluffable, and at night, my head would sink right onto the mattress. I could literally feel the mattress through the pillows! I will admit that I am highly sensitive to tactile changes, just like the princess who could feel the pea through 20 mattresses. So I toughed it out and figured that I would just somehow get used to having deflated pillows. Then I got one of those mailers from Bed, Bath and Beyond, with a 20% off coupon on any one item. After thinking about it for a week, I decided to buy one pillow at a 20% discount.

I ended up with an Isotonic® Indulgence™ Side Sleeper Pillow, originally priced at $59 but which I paid $47 and some change for after using my coupon. This pillow is for side sleepers, but isn’t as firm as some of the other side sleeper pillows I found. Since I always start out my night on my back, I can’t deal with a very firm pillow because it wrenches my neck into an uncomfortable flexed position. The perfect pillow has to be a perfect balance of support and softness, with some loft, but soft enough that it doesn’t feel like my head is resting on a Bosu ball. So far (it has been a couple of nights since I started using this pillow to sleep on), this pillow is doing the trick for me.

Now I only have to deal with one, or actually, THREE issues which interrupt my slumber. The cats rule the roost in our house and have free access to my room, which means that if they want to wrap their perspiration-inducing, furry bodies around me in the middle of the night, I am not exactly going to do anything to prevent them from doing so. However, it is a small price to pay for their constant and unconditional love!