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The Gentle Bull
Okay ladies. Do you want to know how encourage your man to respond in a kind a gentle way when you are upset by something he has done or said? Quit bitching at him! Yes, you heard me right. I am playing devil’s advocate here and defending men who often have to deal with women completely unraveling on them.
A man usually gets utterly confused when a woman launches into a rant against him because he often strives to do things which please her. When she goes on and on with her complaints, the man feels like he has failed, and he feels emasculated. In some men, the confusion turns into anger because they simply don’t know what to do when they are pinned against the emotional ropes by a woman. A man’s brain doesn’t switch easily to the ebb and flow of a woman’s emotions, so he is often doomed to upset or disappoint a woman without ever intending to do so.
In order to have true and open communication which is constructive, both the man and the woman need to have the opportunity to voice concerns without fear of being verbally attacked by the other person. This type of communication requires effort by each person, or else it just won’t flow. However, with a little effort by each partner, issues which would ordinarily cause great conflict can be relatively pleasant and agreeable. The most important thing to remember in any relationship conflict is that the other person is not the enemy, but a partner with whom you have agreed to share your time, goals, and dreams with.
Running Out Of Steam
The frenetic pace at which most of us live these days has us lamenting the fact that it doesn’t seem like there are enough hours in the day to get everything done. It is exceedingly rare for me to get to the end of a day and think, wow, I got everything done that I wanted to get done, because somehow, the crazy pace of each day seems to derail me from checking off everything on my to-do list. Do I have too much on my list? Yes, absolutely. Do I have unreasonable expectations of myself that I will get everything done? Yes. However, I am pretty efficient and organized, and on most days, I take care of all the things which must be done on that particular day.
Here’s where I tend to fall flat on my face. I do a considerable amount of writing for my own blog and for a number of health, wellness, fitness and bodybuilding entities, so I ALWAYS have writing assignments on my plate. Occasionally, a day will open up schedule-wise, in which I don’t have to see patients or clients, and I always foolishly think that because of the so-called open schedule, I will have plenty of time to sit at my computer and write articles and posts. Invariably, some schedule destroyer will knock that idea completely out of the water, leaving me only a sliver of time in the late evening to write. The problem with late evening for me is that I have very little energy to write, and the creative thoughts fail to flow through my weary brain. I stare at my computer screen, hoping for some inspiration to hit me, but instead of being blessed with one great idea after another, I can feel the gears in my mind moving more slowly. Every once in a while, an idea might come to me, but as I begin to write on the topic, my interest wanes and I end up deleting the entry. Clearly I am NOT a night owl!
Hindsight is 20/20: Weight Training Then Versus Now
This article details the five most important things I have learned about training since I began weight lifting over 25 years ago. When I think back on how little I truly knew about the methods and motivation behind working out, I realize that I have come a very, very long way. It was no accident that I obtained an undergraduate degree in exercise science and a medical degree, because I have spent my adult life strongly driven to learn as much about the human body and its potential as I possibly could. However, there is so much warrior spirit and heart that goes into weight lifting, and it can never be taught, only experienced.
Lifting Lady Weights versus A Lady Lifting WEIGHTS
I began lifting weights when I was 21 years old, shortly after embarking on a mission to heal from a year-long struggle with anorexia which brought me down to 85 pounds and also sunk my spirits to rock bottom. At that time my main objective was to learn how to lift properly, which fortunately was supported by my undergraduate studies and eventual Bachelor’s degree. I was rail thin and weak, so it took some time before I made real gains in the weight room. I held the same misconception back then that many women have now, in which I had a fear of lifting heavy and getting too muscular as a result. More than 25 years later, I regularly dispel that myth by encouraging women to lift heavy weights and showing them that my physique, which is not overly muscular, is the result of some very heavy lifting over the last several years.
Maintaining a Nice Physique versus Raising The Bar
During the years preceding my journey into competitive bodybuilding, I never pushed myself to the next level because I honestly never saw the point. I was content with the degree of muscle I had built in my 20’s and 30’s and was surrounded by people who weren’t impressed with weight training, so I never set new goals. Since I was blessed with decent genetics which kept me at a low to normal body weight and a moderate amount of muscle mass, I was pretty complacent (though very consistent) about my weight training. Then I went through a dramatic shift in 2009 when I competed in my first NPC bodybuilding contest and had an “aha” moment in which I finally understood the insatiable desire to push on to the next level and continue to set the bar higher and higher. Essentially, I had been bitten by the bodybuilding bug, and it overtook me with a ferocity and intensity that I had never known. I know that if it hadn’t been for that dogged determination which made me hungry for top national placings and an IFBB Pro Card, I might never have become a Pro.
Competitions & Overtraining versus Paying Attention To Pain
Let’s just get one thing straight: ever since I began competing in 2009, I have become accustomed to training like a beast. However, when I began my journey towards obtaining IFBB Professional Status, my purpose was so singular that I was willing to train until I collapsed from complete exhaustion, a tactic which I now realize is pretty stupid since it wreaks major havoc on the body when practiced for many months or years. I now understand that it is NEVER worth overtraining, or training with injuries which won’t heal because the athlete never takes a break from lifting. Overtraining interferes with muscle gains, immune function, sleep cycles, joint health, mood and energy, and can trigger a complete metabolic meltdown if the athlete continues overtraining for an extended period of time. Though my body’s creaks and groans, along with chronic pain issues from rotator cuff tears in my shoulder and severe tendinitis (IT bands, forearms, feet) were what caused me to finally ease up on the intensity of my workouts, I only allowed myself to pull the reins back AFTER I got my Pro Card. Once the beast had been slain, I fully embraced the idea of training smart and listening to my body’s pain cues
Hurry Up Before It’s Too Late versus Improving With Age
Before I began competing, I honestly believed that there was a freshness date stamped on competitors which essentially relegated them to the dinosaur pits by the time they reached 35 or 40. So I became positively giddy when I discovered that there was a masters’ division in bodybuilding and that I could strut my 43-year old booty onstage without risk of embarrassment. I regarded each subsequent contest as a chance to improve with age, thus using my competitions as a means to beat Father Time. Through my competition journey I have also met other bodybuilding and fitness devotees who do an outstanding job of proving that one can never be too old to be in great shape.
Seeing Clients/Patients One-On-One versus Impacting The Masses
If someone had told me back in 2009 (my first year of competing) that I would build a global following in a couple of years, I never would have believed it, especially since I had become so accustomed to working with fitness training clients and medical patients on a one-on-one basis. My passion for fitness became supercharged when I began competing, and I was so enthusiastic about sharing that passion that I turned to websites and social media platforms to demonstrate favorite exercises and contest video footage. Without thinking about it, I had put myself in a position to lead by example, and used my knowledge, educational background and experience to build fan loyalty and inspire and motivate my followers and fans. To this day, I love getting messages from fans who say that it was because of me that they decided to start competing or to pursue another personal passion which gave them joy and also graced them with optimal fitness.
These days, I often refer to embarking on a fitness and wellness regimen as putting the oxygen mask over one’s own face. That was exactly what I did for myself over 25 years ago. By showing others how to do the same thing, I feel completely in line with my life’s purpose, and it’s extremely rewarding.
The Delicate Flower and the Bull Who Tramples On It
I have to apologize in advance if this post sounds like a man-bashing. However, it is common for women to lament that men don’t take the time to just listen to them, and to have empathy when they are emotional.
I have definitely found myself in situations in which I feel like I need to apologize for being emotional or sensitive. I am never allowed to be upset, and I have to swallow everything upsetting thing like a bitter pill. I know that men and women speak different languages, but I will never understand why it is a problem if I happen to quietly voice a concern over an event which made me feel like a boot scraper at the front door. When my feelings are ignored, I can quickly progress from nice and sweet to angry.
Women don’t expect men to agree with them. They expect men to understand and empathize when they feel slighted by an incident. Men don’t want to feel emasculated either, so women should also take heed and pay attention to how they approach men after such an incident. In defense of women everywhere, though, many men tune out the instant a woman says, “What you did/said really hurt me”, and may even turn into ugly, mean bulls who trample over the woman’s emotions. Suddenly, only the man’s perspective matters, and he is never culpable, while the woman is made to feel like a whiny bitch, even if she is calm, gentle, and kind in her approach. It’s like a switch flips in a man’s brain, and a furious instinct to lash out asserts itself. When this happens, no resolution can be found.
Before you men begin to think that this is about the man or the woman winning an argument, I will tell you that your perspective is really skewed. It isn’t about winning, and it isn’t about you versus the woman. That kind of viewpoint is confrontational, counterproductive, and puts you in a position in which the blinders are still on, and you can’t see anything but your own opinion. Instead of pounding on your chest and tuning out a woman who is in pain, perhaps you could listen to what she is saying and work with her. I can almost guarantee that an agreeable and open approach will yield much better results than resisting everything the woman says to you!
Waist Training
Binding undergarments have played an essential role for women throughout the centuries, molding the ideal female form while also serving as restrictive torture devices. Even as recently as the mid-1960’s, women were obligated to squeeze their bodies into corsets, girdles and other binding devices. Before the advent of the free 1970’s era caused the population to reject constricting undergarments, including the standard brassiere, it was common to see women wear girdles and corsets in an effort to mold the female shape into the ideal hourglass. My mother felt pressure to wear girdles to squeeze her already tiny little body into an even more compact package, molding a 20 inch waist that made men around her swoon.
Bu by the time I was born, my mother gave up the notion of manipulating her form in such torturous ways and put her girdles in cold storage. Whenever I would see them in the bottom drawer in her dresser, I would marvel at how anyone would want to wear something so uncomfortable. By the time I reached my 20’s, I developed a strange aversion to tight waistbands and as a result wore dresses most of the time. When yoga pants became popular in the 90’s, I was thrilled because they incorporated a low rise and comfortable fabrics.
Then I began competing in 2009 and realized very quickly how much my body would be scrutinized as I hit the contest circuit. Because I have a naturally nipped in waistline, I never considered that it might appear wider onstage than it actually was, but with my somewhat narrow hips, I had to consider ratios and angles. By the middle of 2011 I began using corsets and waist trimmer belts to whittle down my waist. My significant other at the time made fun of me, telling me he thought it was pretty ridiculous that I was torturing myself with constricting undergarments. I had to get over my dislike of tight material around my waist. The one thing that kept me going was my desire to attain IFBB Pro status, so I quickly acclimated to the habit of wearing them. The other amusing twist is the significant other I mentioned began to wear them for his contest prep, and went down from a 33 inch waist to a 29 inch waist, and won his IFBB Pro Card with that waist measurement.
People frequently ask me if corsets and binders work. The answer is a resounding YES, THEY DO. When I was consistent about wearing them, I went from a 24 or 25 inch waist to 23 inches, and had actually pared down to a 22-1/2 inch waist right before I won my IFBB Pro Card in 2013. I continued waist training through the middle of 2014, but have spent the years since then without practicing rigorous waist training. The main reason why I initially abandoned waist training was because I was dealing with a higher body temperature, thanks to menopause, which made waist trimmers even more torturous than they normally were. Another good reason for abandoning waist trimmers was the fact that I was not prepping for any contests. I may throw on a corset on a rare occasion for several days to compress my midsection for a photo shoot, but other than that, my waistline is unrestrained by rigid waist trimmers.
When I wore corsets daily, I dealt with the metal boning poking out as the corsets would wear out, and would glue them back into their channels, so I know all too well the sensation of metal poking into my underboob, my ribcage or my hip bone when the corsets began wearing out. I would get digestive upset, abdominal pain, and at times had difficulty breathing. During one stretch of time when I was wearing latex corsets, I developed painful lesions all over my back from the yeast overgrowth which resulted from the long hours of wear and the constant sweating. It took me over a year for my skin to heal from all those lesions, and I have a couple of permanent scars to mark my determination to sculpt a waistline that would win a Pro Card.
Now I wear corsets from time to time if I feel the need to squeeze out extra water from my midsection, but I will probably never return to the days of wearing corsets for many hours, driving to work in pain because a metal boning was jabbing me in the rib, sweating profusely under nice clothing, and dealing with skin around my midsection which was constantly macerated, lighter in pigment, and showing signs of skin breakdown.
I know many of you want to slim down the midsection, but please be careful when you wear corsets! It isn’t worth ruining your skin and compressing organs to wear these torture devices for extended periods of time. Give your skin and your torso a rest in between the sessions during which you are training your waist. I recommend wearing corsets for no more than a 4 hour stretch.
You can find some very pretty corsets online, but I have a couple of favorites, one of which can be found on this link:
http://www.feelfoxy.com/latex-neon-girdle/
And in case you men are feeling a bit neglected here, trust me, there are garments designed especially to sculpt the male midsection.
https://www.dickssportinggoods.com/p/mcdavid-waist-trimmer-16mcvusfwsttrmmrxspm/16mcvusfwsttrmmrxspm
Be prepared for these things to fit VERY snugly! However, make sure you can breathe. If you feel lightheaded while wearing a corset, remove it immediately.
Hot and Cold
Many women who are in their early 40’s and beyond experience a roller coaster ride with their internal thermostats which is absolutely maddening. They can go from sitting comfortably one minute, to a sudden sweat and flush which makes them feel like they are standing next to a fiery blaze the next minute. Such a roast-fest can last from seconds to minutes, after which a woman may feel pretty comfortable. But the pendulum can swing the other way, and the woman may suddenly feel very cold once the air conditioning has kicked in, prompting her to put on a sweater. Guess what? Chances are that sweater will be peeled off in a matter of minutes when the woman has another hot flash. Hot, cold, hot, cold, hot, cold. Fun times. Such fluctuations in a woman’s perception of temperature, coupled with her constant putting on and taking off layers of clothing, are often perceived as pretty nutty by people who don’t have a clue about the torture these women go through.
I can relate to the constant temperature fluctuations because I have been suffering from it for over a year now. I fully realize that my body doesn’t know what temperature it is. Thanks to hormonal imbalance and the decline associated with peri-menopause, I am very familiar with the sweating which is sudden and intense, and I know that feeling of desperation which has me peeling off clothes, fanning myself, and sticking my head in freezers and in front of blowing fans. However, I only recently began experiencing the feeling that I am suddenly freezing my butt off, and I truly can’t stand it. My perception of the ambient temperature can go from upper 70’s, to 120 degrees, to 60 degrees, within 5 minutes flat.
On my worst days I will have maybe five or six of these episodes, so the daytime hours aren’t too bad, but my evenings make up for the relative break I get during the day, because I am hot and sweaty for many hours and cannot cool down at all, even if I wear a cooling towel around my neck, lie on the floor under my ceiling fan (the darned thing is positioned right over the foot of the bed and doesn’t cool me off at all when I am in bed), and lie over the covers. My bedroom feels like it is 100 degrees and I cannot get away from the heat because, of course, the heat is emanating from ME. My hypothalamus is tricked every night into perceiving that my body needs to release excess heat. I know that this is the result of low estrogen levels, but my professional knowledge of estrogen therapy is enough to keep me from ever supplementing with estrogen, so I will continue to suffer as long as my hypothalamus triggers the way it does. At least I know I am not alone: about 85% of women who are peri-menopausal experience hot flashes. Hot flashes can last from several months up to 15 years, with an average of 2 years. I hope and pray that I fall into the average! Seriously, hot flashes and night sweats are absolutely miserable. I often get as little as two hours of sleep at night when my night sweats are in full effect!
Hilarious Betty White Quote
Hahaha! Betty White is so right!
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Inappropriate Things People Do
There are times when I am completely flabbergasted by the things people do which clearly overstep the bounds of professionalism and decency. It seems like more and more individuals seem to have lost their social filters, perhaps because they are so fed up with all the stress which modern society flings at them. People seem more desperate these days, like they are grasping for meaning in their lives. What is odd is that my observation of human behavior in general these days has been a collection of unpredictable, risky, peculiar, and sometimes just plain psychotic behavior.
Here are my top three out of the latest collection of gripes against people who have done and said inappropriate things:
1. The man with whom I had a business interaction who decided that there was no problem taking my contact information which was submitted for business purposes and sending me an email asking me out! MY GOD. I berated him for his utter lack of professionalism and for being so presumptuous. I am NOT on the market, and at no time did I make any indication that I was, nor did I send any sort of flirtatious vibe. Though he apologized, he went on an on about how he had perceived a connection, and about how he should have asked me out in person. To the man who stepped over the line: You are delusional. There was NO CONNECTION, but I guess in your desperate mind, you wanted to believe there was one so you made it up in your messed up head. Just because a woman is nice and engages in conversation does NOT mean that she is interested in you! Also, mister, if you had asked me out in person, I would have openly scolded you right in front of your co-workers, so that would have been a horrible idea as well. My suggestion is for you to understand how unprofessional you are!
2. The disgusting people who repeatedly post disgusting porn images on my Facebook fan page. What sucks is that I cannot block them since they are doing it on my fan page. I am shocked that Facebook fails to protect the fan pages of users, allowing scumbags to post whatever they want. This is harassment and abuse, and it should be a reportable offense! There was only one time I was able to find one of the people when I went to my main personal page, and when I did, I blocked that jerk immediately.
1. The guy who boldly wrote to me via my landing page, trying to persuade me to open the lines of communication with him. I am not stupid, and I my “oh shit, this guy is hitting on me” radar went off. I wrote to him and asked if he was inquiring about training or nutrition programs, or if he was trying to establish a “social connection” as I put it. I also made it clear that if it was the latter, I was NOT interested. He had the gall to send me a photo of himself, stating that I should see what he looked like! Sorry buddy, the answer is still and always a big, fat NO! As a matter of fact, the fact that he was stubborn enough to send a photo of himself (thank goodness he was fully clothed in it!) angered me. When I say I am not interested, nothing can change my mind. So let it go already!
dr. stacey naito's blog 