The phrase which I have used for the title of this post is one I was always intrigued by, perhaps mostly due to the fact that I grew up in a household in which various areas were “clutter zones”.  This is not to say that I grew up in a messy home.  My mom was actually quite tidy and quite the neat freak.  But I never saw more than half the surface of the dining room table since the other half was covered with one foot high stacks of bank statements, other financial documents, greeting cards and letters from family.  In like fashion, about a third of our coffee table was piled with astrology guides, tv guides, and other books which my mom was reading.  Stacks of papers and magazines sat next to our living room sofa.  My mom’s bedroom had banker’s boxes instead of furniture at the foot of the bed.

I also was witness to my mom’s extensive collection of jewelry and clothing.  Though we had six closets, only one was filled with my clothing, while all the rest were jam-packed with my mother’s clothing. Some of the clothing had never been worn and had the price tags still attached.  I admit that I knew this behavior was unusual, but I did not know how pervasive such behavior was in my mom’s family until I went to Hawaii and saw that my aunts and uncles also practiced the same behavior.  Some of my relatives were so extreme in their tendency to hold onto things that they earned the label of pack rats.  In fact, when one of my uncles had a severe stroke and had to be placed in a convalescent home, my cousins discovered five-foot high stacks of newspapers throughout the house in a serpentine pattern (leaving just enough room for a person to wiggle through the house), moldy food in the refrigerator, Japanese antiques which were stuffed in a room collecting dust, and a plethora of other collectibles and junk which made it next to impossible for him to use the kitchen, toilet or sleep in his bed.

When my mom became ill and had to be placed in a convalescent home, the task of cleaning her apartment fell upon me.  The enormity of sorting through all the things my mother had collected was overwhelming, and I shut down emotionally numerous times.  I was shocked to find collectibles that had never been displayed, bank statements going as far back as the 1950’s, hundreds of pairs of earrings and shoes, about 150 handbags, etc. Suddenly it was left up to me to determine what items of my mom’s were worthy of being kept. Since these items could not be stored at the nursing home, they were stored in my garage and my closet. My mom still asks about her things and becomes angry if I tell her that we had to sell or give away many of the items she had collected over the decades.  I did my best to keep what she deemed most valuable, either monetarily speaking or in terms of sentimental value.  It always breaks my heart when I see her upset over losing her things.

Now I am trying to figure out what to do with my favorite aunt who lives in Hawaii.  She has no children and is a widow, so that means I am the one who will help her.  I am happy to do it only because my love for her is very deep.  But entering her house makes me hyperventilate. I cannot fathom why it is so important to keep 60 plastic Smurf miniatures, nor do I understand why my aunt has a collection of about 200 plastic food storage containers. My aunt’s collections are numerous and extensive. If you have ever tuned into the show “Hoarders” you would get a sense of what my aunt’s environment is like. I fail to understand why she has allowed her belongings to swallow up her living space so severely that she is unable to stretch out on her bed and can barely get to her toilet because there is so much junk in the bathroom.  The last thing I want is for that house full of things to entomb her.

This past week has been hellish, trying to come up with options for an assisted living situation which my aunt can afford. It is no easy task when I aam 3,000 miles away from her and am being asked by her to decide on what is best for her given her disabled condition and need for ongoing care.  Tough my aunt’s safety and comfort is my primary concern, I also know that I will need to organize a major cleanup of her home, all the while feeling like I am infringing on her privacy.

In October of this year I had to move from a place I had been in for over six years.  Though I have gone through my entire adult life very successfully squashing any hoarding tendencies that may be hidden in my genetic makeup, I had still acquired many things over the years, including some of my mother’s belongings which I had felt guilty about giving away or selling.  Once I was in the new place and had to sort through everything, I just said, “Enough is enough.  I don’t have to feel guilty about STUFF.”  What ended up happening was I went through one of the most spiritually cleansing purges of my life.  That is saying a lot since I go through the bulk of my belongings three to four times a year and perform regular purges.  This time, though, I truly cut out the fat from my life, and it was liberating.

When it comes to your belongings, don’t allow yourself to become encumbered by them.  Don’t hold onto feelings of guilt.  If you haven’t used something in a while and it is collecting dust, get rid of it. There is probably someone out there who will use it and will appreciate it. If there is something you haven’t used or worn because you are waiting for the right occasion, either USE IT or let it go!  I used to frequently argue with my mom about our differing philosophies about objects.  She always told me I was hard on things.  Scratches on my watches and my shoes were deemed by my mom to be marks of carelessness, when in contrast, my mom sequestered similar items in boxes and tissue paper for decades, never to be worn or used, in a static, pristine state and hidden under a bed or a drawer. I will continue to use the things I possess and will not worry about wear and tear. I will also make sure that tables and all the living areas of my house serve only their intended purposes, and that my storage areas never get to the point where they are overflowing.

If you know a hoarder, please GET HELP. http://hoardershelp.org/