Though I will never advocate staying in a relationship in which you are miserable for the sake of being in a relationship, I have always been relationship-minded. I am programmed to devote my time and energy to one man and am puzzled by people who can play the field without any difficulty. To me it is like eating a bunch of different foods at an all-you-can-eat buffet where there are so many choices that you never really savor the flavor of anything. Dating is so random, rather empty, and can often feel more like an interview than a social interaction.

I have been single since April and have hated every minute of it. I hadn’t realized how ridiculously high my standards were until I gave some thought recently to the essential criteria which anyone who would spark my interest enough to date would need to possess. Such pondering has made me believe that the men I would gravitate towards only exist in fairy tales. How could I possibly find someone VERY fit (as in fitness model level or above), VERY attractive, tall, preferably younger, financially secure, geographically close, possessed of decent values, devoted, honest, interesting, affectionate, attentive without being clingy, chivalrous, generous, protective, open to a lifelong commitment, interested in attending fitness and bodybuilding events with me, who truly understands what clean eating is and who won’t sabotage my efforts to prep for shoots or contests? I would say that is a very tall order!

Another thing that runs through my mind is that it is very difficult for me to dine out, especially if I am prepping for a contest. Most restaurant fare is out for me. I am also amazed by how much alcohol some people like to consume during a dinner, and I find it horrifying. I wonder if the guy really needs all that booze to disinhibit himself, and I also become wary that such a man may become presumptuous at the end of the dinner and make an idiot out of himself by making some sort of overt and unwelcome pass at me. Besides, my cheat meals are few and far between, so there is no way I could fill my social calendar while also following a clean meal plan. My fitness goals are far more important than succumbing to peer pressure at a restaurant with someone I barely know!

Being in single mode means the interviews will take place and I will have to assess whether a man has any potential with respect to dating. Something tells me I will spend most of my nights in front of the TV alone instead of putting myself out there. I have no desire to potentially endure the dreaded date in which you know within minutes that there is no love connection and must suffer through the duration of the lunch or dinner. I am also not thrilled with the idea of losing time in the evenings when I could be writing articles, doing food prep or working out.

I truly miss being in a relationship. There is nothing better when the relationship is great and you are always made to feel special and loved no matter what. What I miss the most about being in a relationship is snuggling on the couch to watch a movie, waking up next to the man I love, seeing his personal belongings here and there in the house, his smell, his smile, and his kisses. Hopefully the universe will reward me eventually.