Category Rehabilitation

When Your Joints Rebel: How To Modify Your Lifting Regimen So You Can Train With Joint Issues

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You are a beast in the gym…that is, until a joint injury or flare-up from arthritis, bursitis or sprain threatens to deflate your motivation as a result of the pain. While it is always important to take preventative measures to protect the joints, such as warming up the surrounding soft tissues properly, using proper form during exercises, and taking supplements which promote joint health, there may be times when joint discomfort is so significant that a little TLC needs to be added to the regimen. The recommendation of complete rest usually falls on deaf ears when a fitness fanatic is the one suffering from joint woes, because the general mindset for such an individual is to push through the pain and continue training. However, in most cases, the pain and inflammation will throw a wrench in the works by adversely affecting range of motion and strength. As long as the joint pain isn’t severe, and is not caused by direct, acute injury to the joint, exercises can usually be modified to alleviate load stress on the affected area.

There are a number of exercise modifications which can be made to weightlifting exercises to minimize the loading on affected joints while still effectively training surrounding muscle groups. Bear in mind that you might not be able to perform certain exercises at all, even with a modified grip or stance. The most important thing is to pay attention to your body and stop doing anything which exacerbates the joint discomfort.

SAVE YOUR SHOULDERS AND ARMS

Since shoulder joint issues are relatively common, most of the suggestions made in this article for exercise modifications for the upper body will take this into account. Depending on the degree and location of shoulder pain, you might still be able to perform shoulder presses, but do not perform them behind the neck as they can cause impingement. Incidentally, you will also need to avoid pulling the bar behind your head when doing lat pulldowns. To perform overhead presses, use a straight bar with a grip slightly wider than shoulder width apart, or use dumbbells, and use a light weight. Another exercise which should be modified when shoulder pain is an issue is the bench press. Chest presses should be avoided on an incline bench due to increased abduction and a corresponding increased shear stress and strain on the glenohumeral joint.

Shoulder joint pain can also interfere with lower body barbell exercises like the back squat and lunges. Since the barbell must be stabilized across the back, the shoulder must remain in an externally rotated and abducted position. Even barbell deadlifts force the shoulder into a gravitational load in extension which can be enough to aggravate shoulder joint issues if a heavy weight is used. Modifications to these exercises include performing front squats while holding onto a kettlebell or dumbbell, and switching to dumbbells when performing lunges and deadlifts.

Most cases of shoulder pain from joint instability or arthritis can make it impossible to perform a plank for an extended period of time due to the superior-posterior stress across the shoulder joint complex, but this is easily remedied by modifying the plank so that you rest on your forearms instead of your hands, thus shortening the lever arm and decreasing the stress load.

If you have issues with your elbows, it is wise to avoid pullups, pushups, mountain climbers, overhead tricep extensions and planks, but bicep curls may also be difficult to do, especially as you supinate and flex the elbow. The elbow joint is a tricky one to train around, and the best approach is to completely avoid any direct movements which involve the elbow flexors if the pain is severe. If the pain is minimal, regular dumbbell bicep curls, hammer curls and cable tricep extensions can be performed with light weights. Using a false grip on dumbbells (in which the thumb is not engaged in opposition around the bar), using a cuff around the arm with a cable assembly, or switching to weight plates with a neutral (palms in) grip can also be helpful in minimizing the strain on the elbow stabilizers during delt training routines.

Wrist pain can often be eradicated by using lifting gloves which have wrist support to counteract some of the stress. Since bench dips can aggravate sore wrists, they should be avoided and replaced with cable tricep extensions, which can be performed without extending the wrist. Traditional pushups also force the wrists into a hyperextended position, but a simple switch in hand position, in which the fingers point out to the sides, with hands at least shoulder width apart, will minimize joint stress during the down phase of the movement.

WEIGHT BEARING JOINTS

If you have issues with the joints in your lower extremities (hips, knees, ankles, feet), ballistic movements, such as the ones performed in plyometrics and calisthenics, should be avoided. Unfortunately, exercises which are considered staples in a weightlifter’s regimen, such as squats, lunges and leg presses, can also wreak havoc on achy hips and creaky knees, especially if poor form and heavy weights are used. It’s best to trade these in, at least for a while, and instead turn to leg lifts on all fours, wall sits, front leg raises against a wall, and single leg deadlifts, all of which decrease the load on the hips and knees while still providing good isolation.

Since ankles and feet take the brunt of weight bearing, they should be babied when flare-ups occur, which means that calf raises, leg presses, and squats should be avoided and replaced with moves which do not require excessive joint motion under a loading force. Foot stance should be maintained at shoulder width to maintain the ankle position in a neutral plane and avoid any inversion or eversion. Mat exercises are also an excellent alternative to hardcore standard weight machines when dealing with joint flare-ups in the ankle or foot.

OHHHHH MY BACK

The incidence of low back pain is extremely high, especially among fitness devotees. Since it is usually triggered by extreme positions of flexion or extension, something as simple as standing with your heels on two weight plates and dropping the amount of weight lifted can be enough to maintain a more upright position and avoid the excessive lumbar flexion often seen with back squats. Another modification which spares the low back as well as the knee is performing Bulgarian squats, which keep the upper body in a vertical plane.

If you experience joint pain in your neck or upper back, you should avoid exercises mentioned earlier such as behind the head lat pulldowns and military presses, both of which cause excessive flexion in the cervical spine. In some cases, you will need to omit exercises which involve the use of a barbell behind the neck since this type of load increases flexion stress. You can modify these movements by using dumbbells or by switching to a machine, for example, switching from barbell squats to hack squats.

The most important thing to remember is to listen to your body and stop any movement if you feel sudden pain. By training wisely and making necessary modifications while your joints are inflamed, you will be able to bypass injury and continue to make gains at the gym.

Anti-Inflammatory Meds and Muscle Growth

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NOTE: This was originally written for Oxygen Mag digital version.

There has been a heated debate over many years within the bodybuilding community about whether anti-inflammatory medications like ibuprofen (Advil, Motrin) and naproxen sodium hinder muscle growth. These medications inhibit the synthesis of prostaglandins, which also play a role in muscle synthesis. All it took was one clinical study published in the Journal of Clinical Endocrinology and Metabolism to put bodybuilders into a panic about reduced protein synthesis, and it didn’t matter that such results were found in laboratory rats. While there is some evidence to suggest that the anabolic signal is shut off when anti-inflammatories circulate in the bloodstream, nothing is absolutely conclusive, and what might be seen in the rat model might not necessarily be the case for humans.

While I will never advocate chronic use of painkillers and anti-inflammatory agents, I think they definitely serve a purpose when acute injury is present. When I find myself in the middle of disputes with bodybuilders who INSIST that a few days on such medications will completely destroy all their efforts in the gym, I simply shake my head in frustration. If you are injured and your lifting is adversely affected by the injury, whether it be a muscle strain, a ligament tear, or a minor disc herniation, you need to be aware that training through that injury, especially when it deranges your form and causes other body parts to compensate for the injury, will end up really messing you up over time. I honestly think that a minimal decrease in muscle mass over the course of a few days is preferable to the imbalance and asymmetry which usually occur when a bodybuilder foolishly pushes through heavy workouts despite an injury which has a domino effect on the body.

Common sense, and medical expertise, dictate that the inflammation must be removed from the area, most commonly through short term administration of anti-inflammatory agents, ice, and rest. Trust me, if you follow a regimen like this, you won’t lose all the muscle you have built over the years. Be sure to take these medications with food, and if you have any history of gastric ulcers. bleeding disorders, or kidney dysfunction, avoid taking them.

Remember that I am talking about DAYS, not weeks or months. This is one time when eating constantly has its benefits, since bodybuilders and fitness people can pretty easily fit in their medication administration with one of their meals. I know it’s difficult to back off from training, but if you truly want to HEAL, you must give the injured area time to repair itself. If you insist on continuing to train through the injury, especially, without any medications or other interventions on board, you can count on the injury either lingering or worsening over time.

How To Be As Prepared As You Can Be for Your Big Run

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Those of you who enjoy running should definitely read this article!

I am delighted to share the following article which was written by Jason Lewis. Jason Lewis is passionate about helping seniors stay healthy and injury-free. He created StrongWell.org to share his tips on senior fitness.

Mike Tyson once said “everyone has a plan until they get punched in mouth.” For those about to compete in a major race, the logic still applies. Everyone has a plan for their run until they come face to face with some of the harsh realities of race running. It can be hard, and you may face what feels like insurmountable obstacles. But if you prepare yourself properly, you can make sure you have the best chance possible to beat whatever punch – metaphorically speaking of course – comes your way. Here are some tips.

Know how to properly hydrate

If there’s one thing that any runner must know, it’s proper hydration. Dehydration lowers your blood volume and when you have lower blood volume your heart has to work extra hard to get blood (oxygen) to your muscles. Long story short, you can’t run your best when dehydrated. So, drink as much water as you can before, during, and after your runs?

Not exactly. Overconsumption can be an issue. For the most part, you should drink when you’re thirsty – no more, no less. Don’t overcomplicate things. Here’s a good resource on how to properly hydrate for certain types of runs.

One big question is whether water is good enough, or should you hydrate with sports drinks. Both are true, actually. Water is fine, but there are some benefits to Gatorade. Sports drinks contain carbs (in the form of sugars) and electrolytes (which you lose when you sweat) – two things your body needs when participating in demanding physical activity.

Find a routine and stick to it

You should develop a routine surrounding your runs and keep it the same through training and through race day. Eat the same thing before, during, and after runs. Wear the same shoes and clothing. Get the same amount of sleep the night before. Listen to the same music. This routine, if you keep to it, will help your body and mind stay strong through the tough stretches.

Know how to treat common running injuries

Running puts a good amount of stress on your body – whether it’s trail running, city running, or even practicing in a gym or on a treadmill. If you run a lot, you’re going to get hurt at some point. There’s no getting around it. It’s vital that you know how to deal with sprains, scrapes, blisters, and more. The shorthand guide is to always ice a sprain, stretch a cramp, pressure a wound, and leave a blister intact. For more on this, check here.

Know why you’re running

Sure, you’re running for the exercise and the feelings of personal accomplishment. The runner’s high isn’t an unwelcome byproduct. But in the end, running is about a mentality – even a spirituality for some. Focus on how running gives you a mental boost and makes you a stronger person: push yourself to achieve goals you never thought possible; give yourself a chance to find a stronger you through self-discovery; heal from a broken past; overcome seemingly impossible obstacles. As Jim Friedrich says in the article The Spirituality of Running, “What we do with our bodies manifests and expresses inner states, the sacred ground of our being. But bodily practices can also induce inner states.”

Whether you’re running for fun, a charity 5K, or a marathon – the principles of proper running preparation are pretty much the same. If you know how to hydrate, deal with inevitable injuries, and stick to what you know works, you will have a good chance at succeeding in whatever you do. “Success” is whatever you want it to be – only you can decide your own criteria.

Photo Credit: Pixabay.com

Sequential Compression Devices For Recovery

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I’ve been using the Air Relax sequential compression device for a couple of months now, and have incorporated regular treatments into my post-workout regimen. Whenever I train legs (three days a week), I make sure to do a 15 minute treatment at some point during the day. For the most part, it feels fantastic, like a therapeutic massage, but every now and then, the leg sleeves will clamp down like vice grips on a strained area like my calf and inspire me to chant, “ow, ow, ow, owwww!” in quick succession. Despite these isolated moments of torture, I always feel better after the treatment is finished, and my limbs don’t feel as heavy or as cramped as they usually do post-lift.

There are two types of individuals who can benefit from using sequential compression devices. The first group consists of sedentary or bedridden patients who run the risk of developing deep venous thrombosis. The second group consists of athletes, ranging from weekend warriors to elite Olympians. The benefits of sequential compression include enhanced lymphatic drainage, improved blood circulation, enhanced mobilization of lactic acid and other waste products from muscle tissue, and a massage component which is rather pleasant.

If you decide to purchase a sequential compression system for home use, I heartily recommend the Air Relax version, because it is quite affordable for under $400 (versus $1,500 for one major competitor’s version), and it inflates to pressures over 200 mm Hg, qualifying it as a FDA 510K Class II cleared medical grade device.

Why Long-Term Care Coverage Is Vital

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The chances of you being in a position in which you can no longer take care of yourself are staggering. Seventy percent of people over the age of 5 will need some type of long-term care at some point, with 20 percent of them requiring it for a period of more than five years. If you have disability insurance, that doesn’t cover long-term care. I have heard some people grumble about the cost of long-term care insurance, which averages about $2,000 for a healthy, single 55-year old. The policy I have had in place since 2004 has premiums which will total $2,700 for 2017, and the premiums will increase to almost $2,900 next year. However, that’s a fraction of what I would have to pay if I didn’t have the insurance. The Genworth (the company I have my policy under) 2016 Cost of Care Survey reported that median annual cost of an assisted living facility is almost $44,000, and the median monthly cost of a private nursing home room is over $90,000.

I signed up for my policy shortly after my mother suffered from, and survived, a brain aneurysm in 2004. She was in a skilled nursing facility from 2006 until 2013, then was transferred into an assisted living facility. In a way, luck was on her side, because she had no financial resources and qualified for Medicaid and Medicare. She is now a participant in the ALW program. However, the bulk of her monthly Social Security benefit (less than $1,200) goes to the facility in which she resides. In no way was I willing to take the chance of relying on a government agency to rescue me in my elderly years if I find myself in need of long-term care.

I HIGHLY recommend securing long-term care insurance if you are over the age of 30. You cannot rely on the government to come to your aid if you end up requiring long-term care, and it’s unfair of you to expect loved ones to carry the financial burden of your care.

Never Lonelier

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I had never been as lonely as I was while entangled in a love relationship with a narcissist. I could be sitting next to him, and because he had no regard for my feelings, I felt invisible and utterly alone. I always felt “less than” in every way, and my needs and desires were ALWAYS eclipsed by my partner’s. I didn’t matter, I was always wrong, I was always at fault for everything, and I was always an idiot, a nag. I was constantly pinned against the ropes and made to feel like I was completely worthless, which was exactly how my partner wanted me to feel. It maintained his control over me, and he remained my kryptonite for many years.

During the years that I was foolish enough to be with this person, I spent my money on him for food, trips, gifts, and helped him in whatever way I could, in the hopes that he would finally see what I was doing for him, and finally let me in emotionally, which of course he never did. I’d wait for texts which wouldn’t come, and if I dared to say that I missed him or wanted to perhaps receive greetings from him, he would turn it around and say that I was being too needy. If he upset me, and I revealed that I was upset, he would gaslight me, twisting things around, telling me, “Tough shit”, or “I can’t always be there for you, it’s not my job.” Like a first-class jerk.

I was never respected or appreciated. The relationship was NOT reciprocal. I would give, give, give, and all he would do was take, take, take. I was not allowed to ask for his help, even with lifting something heavy, because that meant I was giving him a “chore”. It didn’t matter that he outweighed me and was taller than me. I can’t even count the number of times I would struggle with heavy groceries or boxes, and he would simply sit on the sofa and WATCH me struggle, like he was watching a humorous scene in a sitcom. On the rare occasion when he would offer to help, he would wait until I put everything down before saying anything. Um, yeah, too late.

The narcissist always makes the outside world believe that he is the most wonderful, caring person. But the truth is that a narcissist has no heart, just like the Tin Man in the Wizard of Oz. A rusty, loveless, impenetrable, cold hunk of metal.

How do you know you are with a narcissist? Here are some signs to watch for:

Has no regard for your feelings.
Completely dominates conversations, even when they’re about you.
Constantly argues with and challenges you.
Blames you for all the difficulties in the relationship.
Regards you as weak if you reveal any emotions.
Never takes responsibility for anything.
Must be the center of attention while with you and friends.
Hates being interrupted but will always interrupt you and talk over you.
Turns on the charm with strangers and often adopts a certain voice or persona while doing so.
Feels superior or entitled.
Lacks empathy.
Has a tendency to lose his temper and become completely enraged.
Controls and manipulates his partner.
Only cares about getting his own needs met, while ignoring the needs of others.
Cannot listen to criticism.
Exhibits a complete lack of emotion, often leaning towards cruel, vindictive behavior.
Is extremely opportunistic and will always go for the bigger, better deal.
Harbors extreme fantasies about power and wealth which are out of proportion to what he is able to achieve.

My narcissistic partner would usually back away during the times I most needed emotional support. I always felt invisible to my narcissist. I was also insulted on a consistent basis, was instructed on which individuals I was allowed to communicate with, and was even second-guessed on my medical knowledge, despite being a board-certified physician with over a decade in practice. Never mind that the same rules did not apply to him. I was even punished for things which happened in my distant past which I of course could not change, basic things like dating someone he didn’t like. What was I to do? It was of course my fault, and I was made to feel like the worst person on the planet for something I had no power to erase. I suffered endless torment over his insane jealousy.

My narcissist NEVER let me in emotionally, and always treated me like I was the enemy. That way, it was easier for him to rage at me, to blame everything on me, to devalue me. He was so incredibly mean to me that at times I was more shocked than anything by the fact that someone who supposedly loved me (I realize that had never been the case) could be so incredibly heartless and cruel. The depths of his cruelty ran so deep that I found myself trying to figure out how someone who seemed relatively normal to the outside world could be such a monster.

Speaking of jealousy, the narcissist will become incredibly jealous over you, and his possessiveness may trick you into thinking that he honestly cares for you. The truth is, you simply serve as a source for him to project his toxic behavior onto. If you react to his patterns by expressing frustration or by, god forbid, revealing your hurt feelings, the narcissist will very craftily knit his rationalizations so that you seem needy and overly sensitive.

Once the narcissist has discarded you, be prepared for him to insult, bully and threaten you. He will ALWAYS want control over you, so unless you practice no contact and block him (or her) from your life completely, that open door will be kicked open again, and the narcissist will feed on the deranged dynamic which got you trapped in his nest in the first place.

I saw this passage online and was stunned, because the line in bold was exactly what happened to me each time my narcissist dumped me:

“During the discard phase, the narcissist abandons his or her victim in the most horrific, demeaning way possible to convince the victim that he or she is worthless. This could range from: leaving the victim for another lover, humiliating the victim in public, blatantly ignoring the partner for a long period of time, being physically aggressive and a whole range of other demeaning behaviors to communicate to the victim that he or she is no longer important.”

As an empath, I was always willing to repair the relationship, and took the blame over and over again, because I honestly believed that my narcissist would recognize my efforts at some point and wake up. He was unemotional, unaffectionate, and even had me conditioned to avoid touching him in any way while we slept. And forget about getting him to say ‘I love you’. If he did say it, he said it begrudgingly, like it was some big joke, and only after I said ‘I love you’ to him.

We always did what he wanted, and I took care of everything. If we went on a weekend getaway, I had to plan the trip, and pay for everything. I paid for our dinners. I even paid for HIS stuff which I had no financial responsibility over. Do you think I got anything in return? He didn’t like my friends or my family, and rarely took an interest in them.

When we talked about the future, my narcissist made it clear that I wasn’t a part of his future plans. He had no impulse to care for me, even though I had broached the subject of our golden years together. His attitude was, “You’re on your own. Figure it out.” And stupid me, I actually accepted that as a reasonable response from my love partner. We’d also have arguments about where we were in our relationship. I was instructed at numerous points in our relationship to avoid referring to him as my boyfriend. These were simply tactics to devalue me, and boy, did they work. I never felt like anything to him. I was utterly and completely lonely, neglected, and unloved.

Even though my mother and closest friends couldn’t stand him, I didn’t pay much attention. I wanted to believe that they didn’t know him like I did, and I wished that they would love him the way I did. I see now that they were able to see my narcissist’s true colors.

Here’s another passage which I found online, which I honestly could have written about my narcissist:

“He came up to me on evening and he told me that he didn’t want to be with me anymore. To say I was stunned and devastated would have been putting it mildly. He swore up and down that there was no one else and I believed him. He said that he hadn’t been happy for a long time and that he should have left years ago. He minimized our whole relationship, he said people break up all the time and he couldn’t understand why I was so upset and emotional. He couldn’t get away from me fast enough. I’ll never forget looking into his eyes in such pain looking for something, anything that would show any kind of emotion, but there was nothing, they were completely dead.

A couple of weeks prior to this confession of his, we had been on vacation together. We had been intimate several times a day. There was no indication or anyway I could have seen this coming.”

“The two most bone chilling parts of the whole experience were how easily he could shut himself off emotionally. How one minute we’re on vacation and being intimate and then as soon as we’re back he’s cold as ice.

The second thing that so astounded me, was the ease at which I had handed over my power to this man. How easy it was for him to be in total control of me. I realized that I never would have left no matter how abusive it got for me, I would have stayed and taken more and more.”

Lastly, here is a link to a great article which details the three phases which a narcissist goes through while in a relationship. I have provided the link to the original article, as well as copied and pasted a portion of the article here.

http://esteemology.com/the-three-phases-of-a-narcissistic-relationship-cycle-over-evaluation-devaluation-discard/

The Three Phases of A Narcissistic Relationship Cycle: Over-Evaluation, Devaluation, Discard
2013 – Feb Posted by Savannah Grey

A relationship with a Narcissist has been compared to being on a roller coaster, with immense highs and immense lows. They have been described as the proverbial Jekyll and Hyde, one way one minute, another the next.

People usually get into relationships for love and the need to connect and bond with another. Narcissists get into relationships for entirely different reasons. They do not feel love and they lack the ability to connect and form normal attachment bonds with others.

Narcissists need people more than anyone. Because their entire sense of self-esteem and self-worth is dependent on the admiration of others, their emotions are a precarious balance of needing others and needing to be left alone.

Narcissists feel an enormous void inside of them. This void is ever present and the only thing that fills it, is the love and esteem of another. The fix is always temporary though. A Narcissist describes it this way, “It’s like my brain is constantly seeking something. It’s like I’m always chasing a carrot at the end of a stick. Nothing I do satisfies me, at least not for long. I feel like I only do things because I’m supposed to, because society does it. I don’t feel like I belong anywhere or with anyone.”

Narcissists are completely self-absorbed and are oblivious to the wants and needs of others. They enter into relationships in an attempt to fill this void and to make sure that they have someone who is always available for sex, an ego stroke or whatever need they may have. A relationship with a Narcissist always follows three phases, the over-evaluations phase, the devaluation phase and the discard phase.

The Over-evaluation Phase

A Narcissist is very careful when choosing a target. Typically, they will choose a victim based on their status. They must be attractive, popular, rich or extremely gifted in some area. The greater the status, the higher the value the Narcissist places on the Supply derived.

Once a target has been chosen, it’s almost like the Narcissist gets tunnel vision. They are hyper-vigilant in their pursuit and will project the perfect image that their victim wants them to be. They are excessively caring, loving and attentive at this stage. They shower their targets with attention, compliments and literally sweep them off their feet.

They place their target on a pedestal, idolize and worship them. Their target is the greatest thing since sliced bread. Here the Narcissist is ecstatic, full of hopes and dreams. They will talk and think about them constantly, they are euphoric. This is as close as a Narcissist will ever get to feeling love. This kind of idolization is what others would call infatuation.

The victim is likely so caught up in all the attention and is usually thinking at this point, that they have found their soul-mate. Their pursuer is exactly what they want in a partner (because the Narcissist is mirroring what they have learned appeals to their target) and they can’t believe how lucky they are and that this catch is still single.

What they don’t know, or could ever be prepared for, is what comes next.

The Devaluation Stage

The Over-Evaluation phase, if you’re dealing with a Somatic Narcissist, usually lasts anywhere from a few weeks to a couple of months, just long enough for the Narcissist to be confident that they have secured their target’s love and devotion. Unbeknownst to the target, what they were witnessing in the early phase was the Narcissist’s false self. In this second phase, the mask comes off and the Narcissist starts to reveal their true colours.

The shift could be gradual or almost seemingly overnight. Suddenly the attention they so lavishly gave you is gone and replace by indifference and silence. Days or weeks could go by and you won’t hear from them. They don’t return your phone calls, they don’t keep a single promise and you’re starting to suspect that they might be involved with someone else. The target is left baffled and confused and wondering what they did wrong to cause such an abrupt turnaround.

Narcissists become bored easily and what usually starts happening in their heads at this stage, is that the void begins to emerge again. The high they were feeding off of is waning and they begin to question your worthiness, that perhaps you weren’t so special after all, because if you were then the void wouldn’t still be there.

They become moody and agitated easily, blaming you for even the slightest transgression. They start to disappear more frequently and they give you the silent treatment in an attempt to create distance. As the Narcissist withdraws, the target starts to cling and your demands for his attention and your need to understand what’s happening, grate on his nerves. The harder you cling the more the Narcissist pulls away. They start to blame and criticize the target for everything, treating them like an emotional punching bag.

At this point the target is an emotional wreck. The Narcissist has left without any explanation and they can’t figure out how one minute they were put on a pedestal and now it’s like they don’t even exist. The Narcissist is a projector and they are projecting their emotional turmoil onto you. They feed off of other people’s misery (as long as it’s caused by them) just as much as they feed off of your admiration, either way it makes no difference to them.

It is this person, this cruel, indifferent, unfeeling, sadist that is the behind the mask. Most targets desperately try to find the one they fell in love with. What they don’t realize is that that person never existed. They were a facade an act put on by the Narcissist to secure their Supply.

The Narcissist will take no responsibility for their actions, because they simply don’t care how they’ve treated you or how you are feeling.

Narcissists are not capable of forming normal healthy attachments to people. Those that aren’t familiar with the disorder are completely at a loss to understand how unnecessarily cruel their behavior can be. The target was never more than an object to the Narcissist, whose usefulness is on the decline.

The Narcissist isn’t one to throw away a potential piece of supply though. They will keep up this I love you, I love you not charade going for as long as it suits them or as long as you allow it. They will breeze in and out of your life as if nothing ever happened, completely oblivious and indifferent to your suffering.

This mind fuck is deliberate and they will keep feeding you crumbs of attention, just enough to keep you emotionally invested and available to cater to their every need.

At some point one of two things will happen: either they will find a new target and begin phase one with them, thus ignoring you completely, or you will have had enough of his psychotic abuse and you will take control and put an end to it, thus ushering in phase three.

The Discard Phase

It is almost baffling to watch the ease at which a Narcissist can pull away from his partners. Many targets are left asking themselves, “Did he ever love me? Did I mean anything to him?” The simple answer is no. No one means anything to him. Women are only a means to an end – to obtain the much needed Narcissistic Supply. Once your usefulness has run its course, you will be discarded abruptly and cruelly, without warning.

Trying to get over a relationship with a Narcissist is extremely difficult. Once it is over the target is usually an emotional wreck, whose self-esteem has been annihilated by the persistent demeaning behavior, insults and cruelty of the Narcissist. Depending on when they were able to break free, the target maybe a shadow of their former self, with a lot of work ahead of them to rebuild their shattered self-image.

As a victim tries to pick up the pieces, what must be remembered is that you were deliberately targeted, lied to and manipulated by a skilled con-artist, for their own gain. There was nothing you could have done differently and none of this was your fault. The Narcissist will repeat this pattern with every person, every time, bar none.

All former targets must be vigilantly on guard, because a Narcissist always reserves the right to revisit a former source of supply, no matter how much time has passed or how badly they’ve behaved.

Once you have broken free you must close the door on any and all contact, because if you don’t you’re headed back to a watered down version of Phase One – over and over and over again.

A Devastating Spell

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It’s a bizarre and devastating experience to be trapped in a relationship with a narcissist. What is frightening is that by the time you realize that you are in a relationship with one, you are wrapped around their little finger, ensnared, and under their complete control. Narcissists know exactly how to invade your sense of self. They will lie to you, trick you and everyone else into believing they can do no wrong, then once you are solidly in their spell, no amount of struggling will set you free. It is only when you are completely drained and discarded by the narcissist that you can be freed. The narcissist always calls the shots.

Narcissists are abusive, manipulative, controlling, yet they will convince you into upholding the illusion they have created for themselves and those around them that they are great people. The rest of the world is tricked into believing that the narcissist is so wonderful, and that you must be nuts for not sharing that opinion. You will feel like you can’t reveal them for what they truly are, because they will threaten and bully you to the point where your fear of them will overwhelm your desire to expose them.

They will take away your power, slowly but surely. I used to refer to one ex as kryptonite, because he truly was that for me. Any time I tried to stand up for myself, I just lacked the strength to do so. What’s crazy is that I wasn’t like that in other relationships either, only with him. He would bully me, toss me aside, then pull me back to him all on his whim, and I would willingly allow him to do that to me repeatedly.

Narcissists lack the emotional equipment to genuinely love, and they are also incapable of feeling empathy. The driving force for narcissists to establish romantic relationships is to gain the attention they so desperately crave, and to have a whipping boy to throw all their angst onto. Having been the whipping boy, I can tell you it is pure torture to be under the rule of a narcissist. And since narcissists never want to play by the rules, some may stubbornly refuse to hold down solid, gainful employment because it is somehow beneath them. Never mind that they can’t make ends meet, their stubborn pride won’t allow them to suck it up and do what’s necessary, especially if there is an empath or codependent who is under their control and willing to rescue them. Narcissists always exclude themselves from the rest of the crowd, believing that they are indeed special and worth more than those around them. This exaggerated sense of self-importance never abates either.

A codependent or empath who is in a relationship with a narcissist strives constantly to obtain the approval of the narcissist. However, nothing is ever good enough for the narcissist, and the codependent is made to feel worthless. Everything is the fault of the codependent, and the narcissist always walks away unscathed.

The following passage which I found online blew me away. It is very descriptive of the attraction between empaths and narcissists:

“Empaths/Highly Sensitive people are hypersensitive to the emotions and energy of other people. They are often natural healers and caretakers, both admirable traits to have. Unfortunately, these traits often lead to being vibrationally attracted to Narcissists. This explains the recent focus on Empaths and Narcissists in a relationship. The Empath/HSP is a natural giver, while the Narcissist is in an infinite state of need. They literally attract one another like magnets.”

When I was in one relationship with a narcissist, I also suffered from adrenal burnout and severe hormonal imbalance. If I had remained in this toxic relationship, I am sure I would have met an early demise. Some researchers have determined that long-term stress causes changes in one’s DNA. Psychological abuse from being in a relationship with a narcissist is also considerable, and once the relationship has ended, the victim can experience symptoms of post-traumatic stress syndrome (PTSD) and severe depression.

Narcissists walk through life with armor which functions as their façade or false self. They will present only those behaviors which will earn them attention and praise. The charming person who presents to the outside world and who also shows up right after an episode of bullying is the same person who will insult, invalidate and demean his or her partner every day. The partner learns to blame himself or herself when confronted with the narcissist’s abusive behavior, and will go to great lengths to appease the narcissist. However, once the narcissist has moved into the devaluation phase of the relationship, nothing the partner can do will win the narcissist’s favor. It’s a damned if you do, damned if you don’t situation in which any anger or frustration demonstrated by the partner will be construed as an attack, while sitting in silent suffering will cause the narcissist to view the partner with complete disdain.

Once the narcissist has moved into the discard phase, the abuser is in full view. He will reveal his complete cruelty and indifference to you as you are kicked to the curb like a dirty rag. All that shows is pure contempt and hatred, and your value drops to zero in the narcissist’s eyes because you are no longer of any use to him.

At that point, the best thing to do is to BLOCK the narcissist from your life and move on. Be thankful that you were finally set free from a hideous cycle of psychological abuse. Love yourself, value who you are, and heal.

Here is my final message to the narcissists who tricked me into being with them.

One day you will kick yourself for not recognizing what you had when you had it. I no longer care if you suffer, and know that it was never my responsibility to rescue you financially or emotionally, despite the fact that I did it for years. You constantly told me that I wasn’t what you wanted, and were so intent on destroying anything good, anything viable, anything that diverted even the slightest bit of attention away from you. I was never allowed to show my feelings, positive or negative. I wasn’t allowed to be affectionate, or tell you how much I loved you. I learned to expect you to reject every spontaneous hug, caress or kiss from me. Stupid me for not seeing that you didn’t appreciate ANYTHING I did.

You taught my heart that opening up was somehow naughty, something to be ashamed of or embarrassed by. You would get angry at me for the stupidest things, and you took me to Crazytown because that’s where you lived. I was never good enough, pretty enough, just never enough in your eyes. You treated me like the enemy because I now see that you were MY enemy. I could never do right by you.

The shackles are gone. I am free. Thank you.

How Social Media Has Messed Us Up

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The majority of us can’t even imagine being without our cell phones. The relatively tiny devices we carry around with us now function as GPS devices, marvelous computers which connect us to every part of the world, tie us into a massive information network which we have become entirely reliant on, and also happen to function as the basic communication aids which were originally invented by Italian inventor Antonio Meucci in 1849 (Alexander Graham Bell won the credit in 1876 as a result of winning the first U.S. patent).

Cell phones have become a necessity in modern society, but they have also caused us to develop compulsive behaviors which feed into the irresistible distraction which they present. Though you may deny it, I am willing to bet that you experience a certain level of anxiety if your cell phone battery power winds down, if you lose reception, if you lose a Wifi signal, or are somehow locked out of a website you need to access immediately. We have become so reliant on the immediate gratification which comes with doing a Google search on our Smartphones or iPhones that we have turned into petulant children when glitches occur. We are so dependent on our cellular devices that they have become security blankets.

Whether we like it or not, our reliance on cellular technology makes us less productive and less attentive to ordinary daily tasks. We could be sitting at work, cooking a meal, walking our dogs, or driving to work, while still concerned about what supposedly vital information we are missing by not staring at our phones. God forbid we miss our friends’ Facebook updates or allow our email inboxes to pile up as we try to navigate through a typical day! We are accustomed to having our phones close by at all times, and every time it makes a notification sound, we stop what we are doing to attend to our phones, which draws attention away from what we should really be focused on. Time ticks by, and suddenly, we are distracted from viewing a beautiful sunset. Even if we view that beautiful sunset, we tend to feel a compulsion to record the sunset by taking a picture of it with those confounded phones.

Even when we aren’t at work, our brains must sort through an enormous amount of information from our phones and computers. One 2011 study stated that we take in the equivalent of about 174 newspapers’ worth of information every single day. And since the brain’s ability to process information is limited, we often end up feeling overwhelmed and anxious as we try to power through all the information being thrown at us. Though the age of social media has enabled us to connect in novel and far-reaching ways, it also robs us of our attention and distracts us from other tasks.

It’s no wonder that the incidence of anxiety in our society has increased dramatically.

There should be a limit on the frequency with which we view social media sites. Be sure to set aside a brief designated time each day to check emails and peruse social media, then PUT YOUR PHONE AWAY. Leave the bulk of each day to relaxing, sightseeing, engaging in outdoor activities, and enjoying life. Trust me, your brain needs a break from the constant influx of technology.

Another disturbing reality about our attachment to cell phones is the false sense of community we feel as a result of social media notifications and texts. The perception is that we are part of a vast network, but the ironic thing is that we tend to access our cell phones while alone. This isolation from actual interaction can actually trigger loneliness and depression. From the moment we wake up until we rest our heads to sleep, our cell phones are always on. They even serve as our alarm clocks now!

Proper Breathing Mechanics During Weight Training (Repost)

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Hamster hulkNow that I have been weight training for over 25 years, I have an intuitive sense of proper breathing mechanics when I lift weights, as many seasoned gym beasts can also attest to. However, those of you who are not as experienced or comfortable around a weight room might not know how to breathe properly.

The basic concept is that you will EXHALE on the exertion phase and INHALE on the relaxation phase of the exercise.

Let’s use the wide grip lat pulldown exercise as an example (which incidentally should be performed so that you bring the bar to your upper chest and NOT behind your back). You will exhale as you pull the bar down, then inhale when you return the bar to the starting position.

Most exercises can be performed using this basic technique, but if you are lifting very heavy weights, or even lifting heavy boxes, you can employ a breathing technique called the Valsalva Maneuver, in which you inhale deeply, then hold your breath while lifting the weight. This increases intra-abdominal pressure and thug confers support to the back. However, if you have high blood pressure, this movement can cause your blood pressure to skyrocket. Other relatively common symptoms which can occur during the Valsalva Maneuver are dizziness and fainting. As an alternative, you can simply contract your abdominals, keeping them tight, and continue to breathe normally during the movement.