Category family

My Mom’s Mother’s Day Visit

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This past Mother’s Day was punctuated by two strange and special incidents, the first of which occurred about an hour after a floral arrangement I had ordered was delivered to my mother’s gravesite in Hawaii. I was in the midst of cleaning my home and getting ready for a trip to Hawaii in order to put my mom’s sister Alice to rest in the same grave with my mother’s cremains. While I was cleaning, I heard something fall to the floor, so I looked in the direction of the noise to find out what had fallen. A high school English composition book which has sat propped up decoratively on one of my bookshelves was on the floor, but the manner in which it had fallen, as well as the trajectory in which it fell off the shelf, was very odd.

I was nowhere near the bookcase from which the book had fallen, so the disruption lacked logical explanation. The book had been my mother’s, a textbook she had used while in high school. She had given it to me when I was a child, thinking that I would enjoy having it, and told me that she thought it was ridiculous that the book had been published 16 years prior to when she used it as a textbook (primarily due to budget constraints from the Great Depression and World War 2). Since the textbook was published the year my mom was born (1932), I always felt that the book was a representation of her, since it was as old as her.

When the book fell, it somehow flew in an arc over a nearby etagere, a movement which defied the laws of physics. In addition, it fell face up, which made no sense from the position it was in when it was on the shelf. I picked up the book, and instantly felt my mom’s presence around me. I thought to myself, wow, my mom is finally here to visit. It was a very special moment, but since I had more cleaning to do, I put the book back on the shelf and continued to clean.

About an hour after the book incident, I went up to my bedroom to clean it. When I walked into the room, I saw that the ihai or spirit tablet from my mom’s funeral was turned sharply to the left so that the front of the tablet was facing the window. None of my cats had been in my room the entire time I was cleaning, so I absolutely knew that my mom was once again communicating with me. I was stunned, since my mother’s spirit hadn’t paid me a visit since her death in June of 2023.

I’d love to hear the stories of others who might have experienced similar visits from departed family members!

Agreeing To Disagree

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Agreeing to disagree is an important skill in maintaining healthy relationships, especially with friends and family. In any close relationship, differing opinions are inevitable—whether about politics, religion, parenting styles, or even small things like movie preferences. The ability to respect these differences without letting them ruin a relationship is a sign of emotional maturity and mutual respect. This skill seems to have become incredibly valuable in recent years, mostly as a result of tectonic shifts in politics and socioeconomic affairs.

However, when someone writes you off just because you have a different opinion, it can be deeply hurtful and damaging. It sends the message that your relationship was conditional—based not on love, shared history, or mutual respect, but on intellectual or ideological alignment. This kind of behavior fosters division, resentment, and isolation. Instead of promoting understanding, it encourages an “us vs. them” mentality, where people surround themselves only with those who reinforce their own beliefs.

There are numerous people in my personal life who have recently made certain assumptions about my religious and political views, some of which were accurate, others which were way off the mark. What’s frustrating is that I have felt like I was silenced due to the fact that some individuals assumed I held a specific belief, which was the stark opposite of my stance. It’s downright disappointing to know that I have to keep my mouth shut around such individuals in an effort to protect our friendship ties.

Healthy relationships require space for disagreement. They thrive on open dialogue, patience, and the ability to see the bigger picture—that a person is more than just their opinions. It’s possible to strongly disagree with someone and still love and respect them. Writing someone off just because they see the world differently diminishes the complexity of human beings and reduces them to a single viewpoint.

My Mom’s Eulogy

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My mom was the type of woman who didn’t apologize for who she was, and she was fully aware of her abilities.  It always amused me how she made sure I knew how to use basic tools like hammers and screwdrivers, and wasn’t afraid to do things like assemble furniture or fix a hole in the drywall.  However, she was also willing to admit when she was not as adept at certain tasks.  One case in point was cooking.  My mom didn’t really cook, and with the exception of meat loaf, broiled meats, and sukiyaki which was made with canned sukiyaki vegetables and fresh beef, her idea of cooking was looking at the back of the Stouffer’s box to see to what temperature the oven needed to be heated. 

Since Mom was always working so much, she was doing the best she could to provide for me, but even if she had time to cook, it just wasn’t her thing.  So I wasn’t surprised when she VERY eagerly encouraged me to bake and cook after I had revealed to her that I had an interest in doing so.  In fact, when I was 17, I told my mom, “Let’s not go to a restaurant for Thanksgiving this year, I wanna make an entire turkey feast!”  She was doubtful that I could pull it off, but when I did, she told me that I had full permission to repeat the process every subsequent year if I wanted. 

My mother was always interested in spy stories and mysteries, and had told me that she once wanted to become a private detective.  She also wanted to travel internationally, but sadly was never able to do so, mostly due to a lack of money, but also because she was so devoted to work and to me that it would have been difficult for her at best to go traipsing all over the globe. 

By the time I actively began pursuing my own international travel goals, my mom was already ill, so there was no way that she could join me in those travels.  In an effort to bring exotic locales to her, I would share all the photos, videos, and funny stories I had collected from my travels.  I often thought that if she hadn’t had me, she might have been that jet-setter she had dreamt of becoming, but as we all know, life can take us in all kinds of directions we hadn’t anticipated.

Even though I was her only child, my mom probably also really would have been happy to have had other children besides me, and I was able to see her motherly devotion given to others when I got her a Scottish Fold kitten, whom she named Spencer Tracy.  That little dude stole her heart, so much so that I got a bit edged out! After she had had him for about a year, she started referring to the cat as my baby brother!  There was one time when I was at her apartment, and figured I would sleep in my former bedroom, but Mister Spencer would have none of it!  He hissed and carried on so much that I was effectively banished to the sofa for that evening!  What a bratty brother!

Harriet also adored my ex-husband, not only while we were married, but throughout the years after we divorced. Whenever he would visit her at the assisted living facility, my mom would pretty much ignore me, and devote all her attention to him.  This would prompt me to say, “Hey, what am I, chopped liver?”  But I always secretly enjoyed the fact that she was so close to him.  She always had a keen interest in in hearing about other members of her family or my dad’s family as well, and even my friends, some of whom she had never even met in person. 

Over the 19 years after her brain aneurysm rupture occurred, Harriet’s tastes changed, and they were unexpected and interesting. She became a Bingo master, and I could tell she enjoyed being the boss lady, calling out the numbers and monitoring everyone else’s boards.  She won so much virtual money from those Bingo games, I tell you…if that had all been real money, she would have been able to buy something like a television! 

Speaking of television, she cultivated a passion for the Lakers, despite never having followed the NBA, or ANY major league sports for that matter, prior to 2013.  She had Lakers posters in her room, and would talk to me about the games.  Mom also kept up with current events, and was pretty hip for an elderly woman.  She surprised me shortly after Prince had passed away by telling me, with a devilish glint in her eyes, that she thought Prince had been a VERY good looking man. 

All in all, Mom was a remarkable, caring, supportive, tough, honest, opinionated woman, who made sure I developed a backbone. You would be asking for it if you wanted her opinion about something, and this was the case until very shortly before her passing.  I think people actually got a kick out of how sassy my mother could be, even though she could also be cantankerous and defiant. 

Now that my smart, strong, sassy, beautiful, amazing mother is gone and no longer suffering, I can honestly say that I must have been the luckiest person in the world to have had this wonderful woman as my mother, my hero, and my best friend.