Dating apps can be incredibly frustrating for women over 50 — and not just a little. They often feel like a wasteland of bad profiles, lazy conversations, and mismatched intentions. Here’s a breakdown of why dating apps suck for women in this age group, and what kinds of challenges they’re running into.
1. The Men on These Apps Are… Not Great (Often)
Let’s start with the elephant in the room: the dating pool.
❌ Emotionally Unavailable or Damaged
A lot of older men on apps are freshly divorced, widowed, or never dealt with their emotional baggage. Instead of seeking genuine connection, they’re:
Still hung up on their ex.
Testing the waters post-divorce.
Looking for someone to “fix” them.
❌ Looking for Younger Women
Many men in their 50s, 60s, and even 70s swipe right on women 20 years younger. So if you’re a 50-something-year-old woman hoping to date someone age-appropriate, you’ll often be overlooked — while those same men chase women in their 30s and 40s.
❌ Catfishers, Scammers, and Creeps
Unfortunately, women over 50 are heavily targeted by romance scammers posing as military men, oil rig engineers, or conveniently “wealthy but lonely” entrepreneurs. Some are real men with fake intentions; others are entirely fraudulent.
2. Conversations Are Mind-Numbingly Awful
Even if you match with someone decent-looking and age-appropriate, the conversation is often a disaster.
💤 Boring and Generic Openers
“Hi”
“How are you?”
“You’re beautiful :)”
After decades of life experience, it’s insulting to get messages with the depth of a damp napkin. Where’s the spark?
🧱 Zero Effort
No follow-up questions.
No interest in your personality.
All replies are one-word answers or just emojis.
It feels like you’re carrying the entire conversation — and frankly, after raising kids, holding careers, and managing life, who has the energy to drag a grown man into a coherent discussion?
🛏️ Quick to Turn Sexual
Many men skip straight to innuendo, sexting, or asking what you’re “into.” Some will ask for nudes within five messages. It’s not flirtation — it’s objectification, and it’s exhausting.
3. The Algorithms Aren’t Your Friend
Most dating apps are built around engagement, not compatibility. They favor:
Younger users.
Profiles with high swiping activity.
People who conform to narrow beauty standards.
Women over 50 often get fewer matches because the system simply isn’t designed for them. The more you swipe without matching, the more the algorithm deprioritizes your profile.
4. It’s Hard to Find People With Real Intentions
By 50, most women know what they want. Whether it’s companionship, romance, or sex — clarity matters. But the men on apps often:
Say they want a relationship but act like they want a fling.
Say they’re “easygoing” but can’t handle a strong woman.
Aren’t emotionally mature enough for a serious connection.
5. It Can Feel Like a Second Job
Crafting a profile.
Finding good photos.
Screening creeps.
Starting and maintaining conversations.
Deciding whether someone is legit.
It’s time-consuming, emotionally draining, and often leads nowhere.
Final Thoughts:
For many women over 50, dating apps are more disappointing than hopeful. The problem isn’t the age — it’s the quality of the interactions and the lack of emotionally mature, genuine men. The design of these platforms — shallow, swipe-based, and appearance-driven — makes it worse.
Dating today can feel particularly challenging due to a variety of factors, both social and technological. I can honestly say that I frequently consider abandoning the whole idea of meeting new people and going on dates, simply because making such efforts can be incredibly disappointing and frustrating. Here are some of the key reasons why dating in the modern era can be difficult:
1. Online Dating and the Paradox of Choice
With the advent of dating apps and websites, there is an overwhelming number of potential matches to choose from. While this may seem like an advantage, it can lead to what is known as the “paradox of choice” — too many options can make it harder to commit to one person. The ease of swiping left or right may also foster a mindset of “better options are just a click away,” which prevents deeper connection and commitment from developing.
2. Superficiality and Instant Gratification
Modern dating, especially through apps, tends to prioritize appearance, quick judgment, and instant gratification. Swiping based on looks can overshadow personality, values, and long-term compatibility. This shallow approach can make it difficult to form genuine, meaningful relationships that go beyond initial attraction.
3. Fear of Commitment
Many people today, especially younger generations, struggle with the concept of long-term commitment. There’s a societal shift toward prioritizing personal freedom, career advancement, and self-exploration over traditional relationship milestones like marriage and family. This can make dating feel like a series of short-term flings or “situationships,” rather than opportunities for serious partnerships.
4. High Expectations and Pressure
Social media and dating apps often present unrealistic standards of beauty, success, and happiness, which can put undue pressure on individuals to meet these expectations. As a result, some people may find it difficult to live up to the curated versions of themselves that they feel they must present to the world. Additionally, with all the “perfect couples” posted online, there is a heightened sense of competition and comparison, which can make people feel inadequate or unsure about their own dating lives.
5. Ghosting, Bread-crumbing, and Other Toxic Behaviors
The rise of digital communication has led to an increase in negative dating behaviors, such as ghosting (cutting off all communication without explanation), bread-crumbing (giving just enough attention to keep someone interested but without committing), and benching (keeping someone as a backup option). These behaviors are often easier to get away with in online dating, where anonymity and lack of accountability allow for more casual disregard of others’ feelings. Such experiences can make people wary of opening up to others, leading to distrust and cynicism.
6. Timing and Life Circumstances
The pace of life today can complicate dating. Many people are busy with careers, studies, or personal goals, leaving little time to invest in meaningful relationships. Additionally, as people reach different life stages, they may have different priorities. For example, one person may be focused on settling down and starting a family, while another might be more interested in casual dating or personal growth, leading to mismatched expectations.
7. Cultural Shifts and Changing Norms
Social and cultural shifts have altered traditional dating norms. Gender roles are evolving, and there’s more emphasis on finding equality and mutual respect in relationships. While this is largely positive, it can also lead to confusion around expectations, especially when people from different backgrounds or with different experiences come together. For example, the way men and women approach dating has changed, and these shifts may create misunderstandings or mixed signals about intentions, roles, and commitments.
8. Mental Health and Emotional Baggage
Many people today are more aware of mental health issues, but the increasing rates of anxiety, depression, and relationship trauma can make dating more difficult. The fear of vulnerability, past emotional wounds, or unresolved issues can make it hard to form healthy, trusting connections. Furthermore, the pressure to be “perfect” for a potential partner can exacerbate self-esteem issues, preventing people from fully opening up or engaging in the dating process.
9. Globalization and Long-Distance Relationships
Technology has made it easier to meet people from all over the world, but long-distance relationships can bring unique challenges. While digital communication can help maintain connections, physical distance, time zone differences, and limited in-person interaction can make it difficult to develop a deep bond. Additionally, some people might be hesitant to commit to someone they can’t easily see in person or feel pressure to keep up with the demands of maintaining a virtual relationship.
10. Changing Attitudes Toward Sex and Intimacy
In some ways, attitudes toward sex and intimacy have become more open and fluid, which can be liberating. However, this also complicates dating, as some individuals may have very different approaches or expectations about what sex, love, or commitment should look like. This can create friction in relationships, as mismatched desires or differing levels of emotional intimacy can lead to confusion or frustration.
11. Lack of Social Skills or Face-to-Face Interaction
As more people engage in online or app-based dating, the art of face-to-face communication and the ability to navigate the subtleties of in-person interactions have weakened. Social skills like reading body language, tone, or recognizing cues of interest or disinterest are less developed for those who rely heavily on texting or online chat. This can result in awkward, disjointed, or frustrating experiences when people finally meet in person.
12. Societal Pressure to Find “The One”
There’s a pervasive cultural narrative that tells people they need to find “the one,” or that their soulmate is out there waiting for them. This notion can make the dating process feel like an all-or-nothing endeavor, where any date that doesn’t lead to a deep connection is seen as a failure. It also places immense pressure on individuals to find someone who meets every one of their needs, making it harder to accept imperfections or to build relationships gradually.
In summary, modern dating is more complex than ever due to technological advancements, evolving cultural norms, and shifting expectations. While it offers new opportunities to connect with others, it also introduces new challenges. Navigating this landscape requires patience, clear communication, self-awareness, and an openness to building deeper connections in a world that often emphasizes speed, convenience, and surface-level interactions.
A little-known fact about me is that I have been engaged four times, and there is a pretty crazy story about the four rings which were associated with each engagement. The proposals occurred over a span of many years, with the first taking place in 1990, followed by one in 1994, one in 1998, and one in 2005. The engagement which took place in 1998 culminated in a wedding the following year, but the other engagements fell apart for different reasons.
The first man I cohabitated with suggested that we have rings custom made for our impending engagement, to which I agreed. He stated that he wanted to be able to wear his band on his right hand while we were engaged, to which I also agreed. We had our rings custom designed and crafted, and because my boyfriend had poor credit, I opened an account at the jewelry store in my name. Shortly after we had the rings made, my guy lost his job, and because he was a raging alcoholic, he stopped making any effort whatsoever to secure new employment. As a result, I had to cover all household expenses, and was stuck paying for my own engagement ring. I ended up breaking up with the loser because I couldn’t see myself being financially responsible for him for the rest of my life.
Shortly after I broke up with Scott, I met a wonderful man, and he ended up moving in with me after about a year. I mentioned to him that, should he decide to propose to me, he could take the credit from my first engagement ring (which was for sale on consignment) and use it towards the purchase of a ring. He ended up using that credit, purchased a ring, and proposed to me. We remained engaged for a year and a half before he broke off the engagement, stating that his mother told him he wasn’t ready for marriage, yet he insisted on remaining in the relationship. I endured what I could for two years, then ended things because I couldn’t justify being with a man who seemed to want our relationship to regress rather than progress.
Then it was off to medical school for me. At the beginning of my second year of medical school, I met someone who truly swept me off my feet, and we were engaged three months later, albeit without the formality of a ring. I told my fiancé that I had an engagement ring which we could sell so that he could use the funds towards the purchase of a new ring. When we visited the jeweler whom we had chosen to design and craft our rings, the jeweler stated that it would be better to use the same diamonds from the old ring. I didn’t like the idea of using the center diamond, but agreed to use the two trillion diamonds which flanked the center stone. I asked the jeweler what the extra cost would be if we were to switch out the center diamond, and both my fiancé and I balked at the figure we were given. My fiancé insisted on using the center diamond from the old ring, declaring, “If you’re a good wife, I’ll get you a bigger diamond when we get to our 20th wedding anniversary”.
We were married for 3 years when I insisted on getting a divorce, and it took a year and a half for our divorce to be finalized. Once our divorce was finalized, I elected to put my wedding and engagement ring set on consignment, with the mindset that if it ever sold, I would just pocket the money. What ended up happening was that I met someone very special, and when it looked like things were getting serious, I told my man that he could use the credit on my wedding set towards an engagement ring if he was so inclined. He of course went for the credit, bought a beautiful ring, and proposed to me.
Our relationship didn’t work out, so I once again was left with a ring on which I had equity. Once I realized what a curse that ring was, I sold it and used the funds to pay bills.
For any woman who is willing to either do the foolish things I had done in the past, or who is even willing to purchase her own engagement ring to help her guy out financially (this actually happened with my best friend’s daughter when she decided to marry), I URGE you not to do it! You are worth more than that!
I’m willing to bet that most of you who are reading this blog post remember your first romantic kiss in decent detail, so I hope this inspires you to think about that special moment in your life. You might be wondering why I gave this blog post the title it is sporting, but after I share the story of my first romantic kiss, you’ll understand why. My first real smooch with a boy was indeed memorable!
During the summer when I turned 12, I would spend alternate weekends at my dad’s apartment, and I would often bring my close friend Dana with me. My dad had moved into a new apartment complex, so I had many opportunities to meet kids who were close to my age, but one boy caught my eye. His name was Mark, he had a crop of wavy sandy brown hair, piercing blue eyes, a charming smile, and he was 16 years old. Mark and I took a liking to each other immediately, and he got into the habit of coming over to my dad’s apartment with his acoustic guitar and serenading me, which obviously had me swooning.
One afternoon, Mark sauntered over to my dad’s place, eating a banana. When he saw me walking towards him, he stopped eating, smiled, and asked me if he could come inside and hang out with me. Since my dad was at his office and wouldn’t be home for a while, I knew we would at least have some privacy, so I said sure. Mark walked into the living room and sat down on the sofa, then patted the spot next to him, encouraging me to sit there. I sat down, then Mark gently moved me so that my head was in his lap, then he leaned down and kissed me. The taste of banana was a bit strange, but the kiss was as great as a first kiss could be, even though I didn’t exactly know what to do. I figured if I mimicked what Mark was doing with his lips and tongue, that I’d be just fine.
After that first kiss, we spent a lot of time kissing and hanging out together, and Mark would regularly serenade me while sitting out on the steps in front of Dad’s place. We might have continued to spend time together after summer ended, but Mark moved away in the fall, and I never saw him again. I guess I could consider Mark my first boyfriend, despite the fact that we only saw each other every other weekend, and only for one summer. Looking back, I find it startling that a 16-year-old boy found a 12-year-old girl so enticing, but I guess that speaks volumes about how two people can be attracted to each other and not give any thought to an age difference or other variables. I thought Mark was so attractive, and I am grateful that my first romantic kiss was with a boy who truly showed interest in me, even though that kiss was tinged with the taste of banana!
About a month ago, I went on a date with a man I will call Oliver. We started out with drinks, and as the evening progressed, we had a nice dinner, all the while enjoying stimulating conversation. I was actually excited about the prospect of seeing him again. Then one of my 14 year old cats became ill and died within several days, and my attention was diverted away from Oliver. I was very honest with him and told him I needed the weekend to process the death of my beloved cat, but he was insistent and kept pressuring me to pay attention to him, which only aggravated me. He finally backed off, and I contacted him at the beginning of the following week. We exchanged some nice sentiments via text, and I let him know that I was open to seeing him again.
About ten days passed without a peep from Oliver, so I contacted him to say hello. He informed me that his mother was ill with pneumonia, and that he had been at her home taking care of her. I expressed my wishes for his mother’s recovery, and told him to let me know when he was available. I heard from him three days later, on a Thursday, when he sent me this text:
I want to make it up to you because I like you and I feel that there’s a good connection between us. So please consider this, if you have any time over the weekend, I would love to see you over the weekend if not the beginning of the week. Give us a chance, OK? I will make it up to you Stacey.
Oliver ghosted me for another ten days, then suddenly popped up with text messages like, “I want to marry you”. It was as if he was incapable of exhibiting consistent behavior, which was a major turn-off for me. One morning, he asked me to give him a day on which we could have a second date, so I accommodated his request. Just as I expected, he completely ghosted me on the day he had selected for our second date, so I gave him a piece of my mind via text and blocked the jerk.
Even though I consider Hawaii my second home, I have always been most familiar with Oahu, since my grandparents had settled there from Japan and raised a large family. Some of my relatives migrated to the Big Island, Kauai, and Molokai, so I ended up visiting those islands as well. The one island which I was extremely curious about was Maui, but since none of my relatives had moved to that island, I never had a reason to visit.
Then in June of 2007, the guy I had been seeing for close to a year and I vacationed on Maui for a little over a week, and in that small period of time, I fell in love with the island. The ocean was clean and warm, the local restaurants served incredible food, the scenery was beautiful, and we enjoyed daily rainbows over the rental property we booked. Every day on Maui was magical and held new discoveries, such as the afternoon when we decided to buy some pineapple from a roadside vendor and were rewarded with the sweetest, most delicious pineapple I had ever tasted.
On one particular day we jumped into our rental car and decided to explore the south border of the island. We found ourselves in Kihei, a casual, laid-back beachfront town with many turnoff points which gave us access to the beach. We settled on a small cove and set up our towels and snack foods for a nice afternoon, and because it was a small, hidden area, there was no one else on that stretch of beach with us. After we had been there for a couple of hours, my boyfriend remarked, “Hey! I saw a dorsal fin out there! I wonder if that’s a shark or a dolphin?” I told him I wasn’t about to swim out to the spot where he spotted the fin, and the next moment, he was rushing into the water so that he could determine what sea creature he had seen,
As soon as Dameon swam out to the area where he saw the fin, he dove underwater and I didn’t see him for close to a minute. He then popped his head up and yelled, “Get your ass in here, and bring the underwater camera! There’s a bunch of dolphins out here!” I grabbed the underwater camera, making sure the strap was secure around my wrist, and jumped into the water. Once I reached Dameon, he told me to go underwater and check out our new buddies. We were in the midst of a pod of dolphins, about 14 or 15 of them, including a couple of youngsters. Two of the large adult males kept bumping up against me and pushing me around in the water.
We ended up swimming with the dolphins for close to 10 minutes, alternately bobbing on the surface and diving down so that we could swim along these playful creatures. Dameon made sure to take numerous shots of the dolphins, which we developed that same day. We began to get tired of swimming, since we were relatively far out and in deep water, so we swam back to shore. Within a few minutes, the dolphins headed southeast, but not before jumping out of the water numerous times as if to say, thanks guys, we had fun!
I recently hopped onto a dating site in an effort to keep myself in circulation, and convinced myself to consider men who weren’t my type, but who might be suitable potential partners. One member who contacted me had a very interesting profile, and though he wasn’t physically my type, I was intrigued enough to chat with him. Once the message stream ensued and we switched over to text messaging, the man (I’ll call him Adofo) began texting me on a daily basis, not to say hello, but to ask me if I was free to hang out. Since the nature of my daily life rarely allows me to be spontaneous and make last minute plans, and also since I was preparing for an international trip, I made it clear to Adofo that my time was limited. He then agreed to meet me on a Sunday, so I added the meeting to my calendar.
Adofo texted me two days before our planned date, asking if I was free that evening, to which I replied that I was not. He then texted me the following day, and since the plans I had for Saturday had fallen through, I told him that I did indeed have the evening open. Adofo instructed me to meet him on his side of town, which bothered me for two reasons: I had driven all over town the entire week and wanted to take a break from driving long distances once the weekend arrived, and also because I am a bit old-fashioned and expect the man to come to my neck of the woods for the first date. When I told him that I had no intention of driving to Venice, he told me he would schedule an Uber. I then waited for the Uber, which never came because the app wasn’t allowing Adofo to schedule a pickup at my location.
He told me that I needed to hurry up and get to Venice before 5 pm, not considering the fact that he tried lining up the Uber at 4:15 pm. He also told me that we would grab a bite to eat at an Italian restaurant, to which I replied, “Italian isn’t good for me because of the gluten”. I asked if we could find a restaurant with cleaner fare, to which he replied, “oh, you’ll find something to eat there”.
I tried to schedule a Lyft, but the soonest pickup time was in 20 minutes, so I told Adofo I would drive in my own car. I asked him to tell me where to meet him, and he simply said, “Alehouse”, as if he expected me to know the place. I told him to please send me the address, since I was already annoyed by the fact that I had to drive out to Venice. He said, “look it up”, and I bristled, telling him that I was making the effort to come out his way, that I had been standing outside for the Uber which never came, and that I had attempted to schedule a Lyft. I insisted on having him text me the address.
A few minutes after I began driving, Adofo texted me and told me to meet him at his place because I would be able to park my car there. I didn’t respond since I was driving. I got a second text from him, suggesting that we meet at the Italian restaurant, which I also did not respond to because I was driving. I already had the address for Alehouse in my GPS and I wasn’t about to change it. By this time I was extremely irritated and had actually thought of turning around and going home, but I didn’t want to come across as a flake, and drove out to Venice.
Of course Venice was packed with traffic, and I couldn’t find any parking. I pulled over and texted Adofo, informing him that I had passed the Alehouse and was looking for parking, and he called me. He said, “Hey, where are ya?” I told him I was in my car, that parking and traffic were major issues. He said, “Get over here!” I told him that I was a couple of blocks down and that because the traffic was terrible, he needed to understand that I needed a few minutes to return to the Alehouse entrance. He then said, “Pick me up in front of Alehouse, I’ll get into your car and we’ll find parking”.
When Adofo got into my car, he immediately said, “Wow, you’re really fucking cute! You’re so pretty! Give me a kiss!” I refused, which prompted him to say, “Wow, you’re spicy! A sassy bitch, I like you!” I told him that I had to start driving, that there were cars behind me, so he relented for about 20 seconds, then asked me what my sign was. I said, “Moon child. Cancer.” His eyes widened, and he remarked, “Me too! When’s your birthday?” “July 9th.” “Mine’s June 27th. Wow, I can’t believe you’re a Cancer. And you’re 56, wow. You don’t look 56. I’m 52. You’re 56, you’re older than me.” I told Adofo that he needed to direct me to the parking lot he wanted me to park in, that we could talk later.
Adofo seemed annoyed that I wouldn’t humor him, but proceeded to direct me to a parking structure. I parked the car, and as I was walking from the car, he grabbed me by the waist, exclaimed, “Give me a hug!”, and squeezed me tight, which annoyed me even more. Adofo then said, “Give me a kiss!” I told him no, so he said, “Dammit, you’re so fucking stubborn! Wow.” We walked to the restaurant and took two seats at the bar, and as soon as the bartender saw Adofo, he approached Adofo and said, “Hey man, you’ve got some open tabs to pay”, and he placed 4 receipts in front of Adofo.
I had forgotten my cell phone in my car, so I excused myself to get it. For a fleeting moment, I seriously considered just driving away, but once again, I didn’t want to be that kind of person, so I reluctantly returned to the restaurant and took my seat at the bar. Adofo immediately scooted my barstool closer to him so that my thigh was touching his, and he slipped his hand around my waist and pulled me in tighter. By this time I was so disgusted, and figured that the evening was probably going to go downhill, but I tried to make the best of it and ask him questions about his life and career. Oddly, Adofo didn’t ask me a single question about me or my life, but in true narcissistic fashion, was delighted to talk about himself.
Adofo proceeded to ask me three more times when my birthday was, and each time, he said, “Oh wow, you’re a Cancer!”, which made me think that perhaps this man was suffering from early onset Alzheimer’s. He also kept mentioning my age, and at one point, he told me that at 56, I was near 60, that I needed to hustle and get a man and get my life in order. Another thing Adofo kept saying was, “You’re gonna be my girlfriend, I just know it. Will you be my girlfriend? You don’t have to give me an answer today, tomorrow is fine.” At one point in the evening, he said, “I know it’s very 5th grade of me to ask you to be my girlfriend, but I like you”, and then at another point, he said “I know it’s very 3th grade of me to ask you to be my girlfriend, but I like you”. He certainly was behaving like someone in grade school, but I guess he didn’t remember what grade he was in (hah!). He wasn’t acting like a 52 year old man, that’s for sure.
We ordered drinks, and when I asked for a vermentino, Adofo scoffed and said, “Oh, you like WHITE wine. Whatever, I like red wine.” I guess in his estimation it was unacceptable for me to prefer white wine. He also told me to order food from the happy hour menu, not the main menu, and while I was perusing the happy hour menu, Adofo said, “No, don’t look at that, I’ll order for us, you’ll like what I order. I’ll get Arancini (rice balls with cheese, battered and deep fried, full of gluten), penne pasta (full of gluten), chicken meatballs (gluten), and bone marrow (served with bread, another gluten bomb).”
When the food came, I wanted the bone marrow, but Adofo dumped portions of the other dishes onto my plate, and said I HAD to eat the other items. I carry one of two genetic markers for celiac disease, and I also suffer from leaky gut, so my trepidation over consuming gluten is very real. I guess the only good thing was that the portions were small, since they were appetizers. Adofo ended up wearing some of the meal because he was such a slob, and the sauce stains streaked all over his shirt made me want to avoid him even more.
As soon as he wolfed down the majority of the food, he said, “Let’s get out of here. We can hang out at my place, get a bottle of wine.” I told him I was still hungry and would like to get a small salad, to which he replied, “Nah, we’ll order one to go. We’ll also get another bone marrow appetizer.” He ordered the to go items, asked for the check, and paid the bill. Once we had the to go order, we walked to my car, got in, and I began driving. As I was driving, Adofo said, “Hey, let’s watch the sunset!” “Adofo, there is COMPLETE cloud cover, so we won’t see a thing.” “Ah come on! Let’s go!” I told him no, and he once again accused me of being stubborn.
Adofo directed me to a parking spot in back of his place which I was comfortable with since it was out in the open, and in a well trafficked alley. We then walked up to his place, and when I mentioned that perhaps we could go to the liquor store which was across the street for wine, he brushed me off and told me we would do that later. His apartment was plain, old, and indicative of someone who really hadn’t made it in life, so I wasn’t surprised by it. I excused myself to use the restroom, and when I walked into the living area, Adofo went into the kitchen and opened a beer. I asked him if we could go to the liquor store, since I can’t drink beer, and he replied, “Not right now, hold on.” Sigh.
I took a seat on his very tiny sofa, and he sat at the small round plastic table which served as his desk as well as his dining room table. He opened his laptop and was staring at the screen while I spoke with him, a lapse in manners which I had learned to accept from Adofo at this point. I asked him how long he had been living in his apartment, and he told me he moved in there in 2020, right after his father died. I told him that my father had died in 2020 as well, and how that year was difficult for many people. I asked him if he had lived in Malaysia (he had mentioned that to me when we first began messaging each other) immediately before moving into his current space, and he said he had. He mentioned that people in southeast Asia are different, that the life there is in many ways better. Then he said, “You’re going to Thailand, right?” “Yes I am, in a week.” “You’ll like it there.”
I told Adofo that I had been to Thailand before, that it would be my second visit, and that I had been to 18 countries. I started listing the countries, and he interrupted me in mid-sentence, barking, “Come here.” I told him that I was in mid-sentence trying to talk to him, and he responded with, “What were you saying?” “Okay Adofo, clearly you weren’t listening to what I was saying. Never mind.” “No, come on, tell me.” “Nope, I’m over it.”
“Well, just come over here already.” I walked over to the table, and he grabbed me by the waist, telling me to kiss him. I said no and took several steps back, then happened to glance at his laptop screen, on which he had Murray Head’s “One Night In Bangkok” music video occupying the entire screen and cued up to the beginning. I said, “I’m well acquainted with that song and with the video, so unless there’s a specific point in the video you want to show me, I’m good.”
Adofo then looked at me and said, “You’re 56. I still can’t believe it, you look really good. Do you want babies?” I told him, “Listen, I’ve been through menopause. The factory is shut down, I can’t have kids.” Adofo’s gaze sank to my crotch, and he said, “Let me see.”
“Excuse me?”
“Let me see it. Let me see your vagina.”
“I’m DONE.”
I turned to the sofa, grabbed my handbag, and rushed out of that apartment as fast as I possibly could, and once I was in the alley, I ran to my car. Adofo chased me the entire way, and tried to block me as I drove away. Within a couple of minutes, I blocked him on the dating app, on Instagram, and also blocked his phone number. Thankfully, it was still light outside, I was in a very busy urban area, and I was actually relieved that I had my car, because I was able to make a quick getaway.
Ladies, make sure to carry pepper spray to protect yourself in a similar situation.
Guys, please don’t be like Adofo! Such behavior is one sure way to keep women at bay for good.
If you’ve been in the dating world for any span of time, I am willing to bet that you have at least one story about a bad dating experience. There have been a few doozies in my dating life, but one in particular was particularly aggravating. I’ve gotten so many laughs from relaying the story about Max that I figured my subscribers would also get a chuckle out of it.
I met Max (and yes, that was his real name) at a Halloween party in 2009 at the Skirball Center on Sepulveda Blvd. While I was at the party, a very nondescript man who was not at all my type approached me, began talking to me, and followed me around. You guessed it, this was Max. He refused to leave my side, cockblocked a number of men who were my type, and just annoyed me to no end. When I decided to leave the party, he hounded me for my phone number, and for some utterly stupid reason, I gave it to him.
Max called me the next day, asking if I was free, to which I replied that I was watching Sunday NFL Football with my roommates. Without hesitation, Max invited himself over, and because I was so distracted by the activity in the house, I relented and gave him my address. When Max showed up at my place, he was empty handed, and promptly asked if we had beer or some other libation he could enjoy. I opened up a bottle of sake and poured two glasses. About 30 minutes after Max showed up, my two roommates stated that they were planning to put some burgers and chicken on the grill, and invited Max and me to join them in consuming the food. Once the food was cooked, the four of us sat in front of the TV, eating, drinking, and watching the game. A big smile broke on Max’s face, and he said, “Wow, this is awesome! I’m getting free food, free booze, and I’m watching football!” which made me cringe and also triggered concerned expressions on both my roommates’ faces.
Once the afternoon game was over, I told Max I had an early day the next day, and thanked him for coming over. Max stated that he would make it up to me the following week by taking me to dinner, to which I reluctantly agreed. Two days later, Max called me and we made plans to meet at a restaurant called Firefly in Studio City that Friday. For those of you who don’t know the restaurant, here is a portion of the current (2022) dinner menu:
Fried heritage chicken with mashed potatoes & gravy, horseradish slaw and a damn fine buttermilk biscuit (or just as fine GF cornbread for the intolerant) 29
Potato kugel with king trumpet mushrooms, roasted carrots, tofu creamed spinach and truffled demi 28 Red chile braised pork with crinkly sweet potatoes, collard greens, crispy mushrooms and pepita–cilantro salsa 30
Zucchini, corn and poblano enchiladas verdes with black beans, romaine, pickled red onions and cashew crema 27
Moqueca Baiana of rockfish, mussels and scallops with watercress–watermelon radish salad and jasmine rice 31
Dijon crusted ocean trout filet with seared asparagus, quinoa–pine nut pilaf and sauce gribiche 33
Baked mac ‘n cheese with cheddar, gruyere and parmesan bread crumbs 12
On Friday, Max and I met at the restaurant and were seated at a lovely al fresco table. The waiter brought menus and took our drink orders, which consisted of two similar mixed drinks on the rocks. Max perused the menu for several minutes, then looked over at me with a dissatisfied facial gesture. I asked him what was wrong, to which he replied, “I just don’t see anything that is grabbing me, ya know? I think I want to see if they can make a burger for me.” Since I wanted to be a good sport, I told him that if the chef was willing to accommodate his request, I would also have a burger. Well, Max got his wish, and we ordered burgers. We also ordered a second round of drinks.
The burgers were delicious, and our conversation flowed better than I thought it would, but since I felt no romantic spark with Max, I just wanted to get through the date without any awkwardness. Then the waiter placed the bill on the table while Max and I were talking about something that made us both laugh. While still laughing, Max picked up the bill, glanced at it, scowled, threw the bill onto the table, and remarked, “Oh, I can’t pay this!” I picked up the bill and saw that the total was $75, and because I wanted to be accommodating, I suggested that we split the bill, to which he agreed.
Two minutes later, Max scowled (this time at me), said “Wait a minute!”, and grabbed the bill. He studied it for a minute, then remarked, “The drink you ordered is $1 more than mine, and you had two of them, which means you owe $2 more than me.” I just sat there, dumbfounded. Was this guy really that cheap? I was so disgusted and so intent on getting out of that restaurant that I told him, “Don’t worry about it, I’ll pay the whole thing.” I proceeded to pay the entire bill plus tip, because Max didn’t even offer to leave the tip.
When we walked to the valet area to pick up our cars, Max said, “I’ll pay your valet fee if you let me come over” to which I replied, “No thank you, keep your $5.” Needless to say, there was no third date with Max, but he continued to call me, begging me to take him with me to Preview Night at the L.A. Auto Show. I had purchased two tickets (at $100 a pop), and mistakenly mentioned that I was going to the event and was waiting to hear back from a friend who said he wanted to join me. Max truly believed that I would have been willing to take him, on MY dime, to the event. I asked him to please stop calling me, and when he refused to leave me alone, I blocked his number.
I’d love to hear about your nightmare dating stories, so please share in the comments!
Have you ever met someone who seemed to have all the qualities you were looking for in a partner, then after getting to know each other, you kept getting reminders of how much you didn’t like the person? There are two men who come to mind, one whom I dated in 2019 (I’ll call him Sam), and one whom I met during the pandemic (let’s call him Rick). The fact that they were both intelligent and educated actually threw a major wrench in things, because I relish a good intellectual conversation, and didn’t realize that both men simply HAD to be right during any dispute, no matter what. The fact that I had political views which differed from both guys fueled quite a bit of animosity, which strengthened my conviction to avoid any chatter which veered in a political direction.
Things progressed very rapidly with Sam, and by the fourth date, he started referring to me as his girlfriend. Before I knew what was happening, he began to plan out every single weekend for us without consulting with me beforehand. He went so far as to tell me that I would be required to join him and his mother’s family for Thanksgiving, which I completely rejected. It was all too much, too fast, and my independent nature rebelled against Sam’s need to control every part of the relationship. He was also arrogant, had a tendency to insult others whom he deemed less intelligent than him, had the clammiest hands I have ever felt, and was clumsy and terrible in bed (sorry guys, but that matters). I finally ended our relationship after three months via a very heated phone call in which he kept insisting that he had plans for us, and that I was “disobeying” him by breaking up with him. That should tell you something about the hell I went through.
Rick was very different from Sam in a number of respects. First of all, Rick was into fitness and weightlifting, he was very easy on the eyes, and had a more laid back attitude. I soon realized that Rick’s laid back attitude was partially due to a general lack of interest he had in me, which meant that he just wouldn’t make an effort to see me. We’d make plans, and he would conveniently “forget”, stating that he didn’t think we had “PLANS plans”. Rick had even pulled this stunt on Valentine’s Day, when we made plans to get together, only to have him back out with that same lame excuse. The only time we had Zoom calls was when I would suggest that we schedule one, and we didn’t even go out in public until late July of this year. I bet if I hadn’t complained that we had only seen each other in person 6 times over the span of 8 months, and that we would meet either at his home or mine, we would have never gone anywhere. I enjoyed going to a restaurant so much that I suggested that we go out for sushi a month later, and stated that it would be my treat. I figured that at least I would be able to enjoy the sushi meal as well. It didn’t surprise me that Rick didn’t flake this time, and made sure to honor plans for the sushi dinner I had offered to finance. Only moments after I paid the bill, which was over $200, Rick actually complained that he preferred the plain sushi selections over the more exotic ones, so I decided right then and there that I would never take him for sushi again.
Rick had a tendency to dole out unsolicited medical advice numerous times when I mentioned maladies such as neck pain or a rash. Who on earth would have the nerve to deliver medical advice to a board certified physician? Rick would, and it infuriated me every single time. Another very rude habit he had was that he ALWAYS had his phone by his side, and would often look at it, even while I was talking to him. We also argued about politics, cars, and spending habits, and as I realized how little common sense this guy had, my attraction to him flickered out like a snuffed out candle.
One of these days, it would be nice to meet someone who isn’t contentious, arrogant, flaky, or controlling.
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