Relationships Aren’t What They Used To Be

angry-man-and-womanRelationships take some work to keep them humming along, and some couples are actually fortunate enough to find a formula which nurtures their interaction and enables them to beat the odds. Sadly, though, it just seems like most people these days are too quick to jump ship. Perhaps it has something to do with the promise of the bigger, better deal which multiple dating sites proffer, but I believe the restlessness and discontent are largely due to laziness. Our society is so rapid fire, with the convenience of social media ironically causing a veritable breakdown of true communication and intimacy, that as soon as conflict arises with someone, the instinct to flee seems to rear its ugly head. Gone are the days of working issues out over many decades, staying the course and serving as an example of everlasting love. The art of compromise seems to be lost, and people often will cohabitate or marry with separation or divorce viewed as an easy escape route. It’s no wonder that breakups seem to be happening more frequently now.

Love and relationships are almost treated like fast food, and the sad thing is that through the common lack of willingness to constructively work through conflict, many relationships become disposable. Like fast food, weak or unstable relationships begin to resemble fast food, full of empty calories and ultimately bad for the system. Also like fast food, weak unions may cause cravings for more of the same, and a vicious pattern may ensue. If you ask yourself why you keep picking the same type of person, it is time to look at the reasons why you are drawn to that type of person and do whatever personal work you need to do in order to break such patterns. Otherwise, you will find yourself in the same situation with the next person.

I have talked to couples who have been together for four, five, six decades and they have all said the same thing about weathering the storm through the years and enjoying a lasting union. It seems to boil down to two very important guidelines:

1. ALWAYS RESPECT EACH OTHER. Psychologists say that a clear sign of impending demise for a relationship is when partners fail to respect each other. Insulting, name calling and blaming are the clearest signs, but there are other indications of a lack of respect, such as lack of emotional support for a partner when major life events occur. This doesn’t mean that successful couples never fight, they just argue in a constructive fashion and allow each other the opportunity to vent all frustrations and concerns without interrupting or attacking.

2. DON’T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF. Rather than nitpicking about little things, successful couples let them go. If irritating issues arise, calmly discussing the issue is far more successful than bickering about minor incidents like the trash not being thrown out, or the toothpaste cap being left off. However, both partners must be receptive to active and constructive communication. If one partner is hostile and unyielding, the petty issues will erode intimacy and affection.

Main Image For Hardbody Feature in January 2014 Issue Of Ironman Magazine

This magazine is still on newsstands...:-)

The January issue of Ironman Magazine is still on newsstands, so check out this great issue! It is chock full of great articles and information, and also has a great six page interview and pictorial on yours truly!

2013 in review

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2013 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

The concert hall at the Sydney Opera House holds 2,700 people. This blog was viewed about 25,000 times in 2013. If it were a concert at Sydney Opera House, it would take about 9 sold-out performances for that many people to see it.

Click here to see the complete report.

Holiday Leftovers

I grew up in a single-parent household in which finances were very tight. Consequently, I never saw food being thrown away unless it had dropped onto the floor. Food never spoiled in our home because my mom made sure we ate it all before such a thing could occur. This has created a major dilemma for me during the holidays, when I am forced to decide whether to toss out leftovers which do not fit into my clean eating plan. I always feel a twinge of guilt when I throw out meal plan-busting foods because I can hear my mom’s voice admonishing me not do it. Shortly after Thanksgiving, I threw out fat free whipped topping and a small container of mashed potatoes, knowing full well that they would not be consumed, yet I was riddled with remorse when I did so. I was relieved that my mom couldn’t witness me throwing out food that she would deem perfectly acceptable. But I have to remind myself that I have to take the clean eating thing seriously and that my mom lives in a different environment from me.
cropped-leftovers

Even now when I visit my mom, she will try to convince me to eat foods which are full of sugar and fat, insisting that “one bite” won’t hurt me. Of course, this often occurs a couple of days before a photo shoot, so I have to say no. Sometimes she will show her frustration, but I need to tell myself that she does not understand what an impact eating forbidden foods has on my physical conditioning, digestion and mindset. It is far worse during the holidays, when evil foods abound. My mother will say, “But it’s Christmas!”, as if the holidays excuse me from eating clean. I recently attended a party at the assisted living facility where my mom resides, and could not resist my mother’s insistence on having some of the prime rib which was on my plate. It was unlike any prime rib I had ever seen, not very appetizing, but to appease my mother I had a couple of bites.

I am no different from other fitness people who are almost terrified of the holidays. We all know that culinary temptations will be in force for a full month, threatening to set us back considerably. Even our fun meals are calculated. I just spent Christmas Day in a very non-traditional and totally fun way, consuming sushi, frozen yogurt, and late-night appetizers with a bunch of fitness friends. We hemmed and hawed over menu selections at the sushi place, then opted for nonfat yogurt options at the yogurt place. We finally let down our guard when late-night appetizers came into the picture, but of course they were appetizer sized and much more acceptable. Clearly this sort of behavior separates fit people from the rest of the population.

Now that Christmas is over, I can breathe a sigh of relief over the fact that tempting foods have, for the most part, made their exit. I don’t need to worry about seeing my homemade fudge in the fridge (I can thank my ex-boyfriend for clearing that out!) or being tempted by holiday pies or cookies because they are all gone. It’s time to bring out the steamed vegetables, lean protein, oats, brown rice and yams. I am actually looking forward to it and craving it!

Gym Etiquette

gymetiquette
Starting today, fitness centers and gyms will be jammed with new members anxious to get into shape in the new year, filled with hope and enthusiasm, while those of us who are regular gym-goers will watch with dread. We will brace ourselves for the new faces, knowing that many them have no clue about gym etiquette. In honor of all gym rats, I am posting this list of guidelines so those of you who are new to the gym environment are alerted to the pet peeves which we harbor.

GYM ETIQUETTE 101:

1. Do not sit on equipment between sets, put your gym bag on a machine you are not using, lean on a machine you are not using, or otherwise hog equipment.
2. Bathe and wear deodorant before coming to the gym. No one wants to smell your stench while working out!
3. Wipe down machines after using them, using a fresh paper towel and sanitizing spray. Do NOT use your sweat-laden towel, sweatshirt or t-shirt.
4. Allow others to work in on equipment. Someone else can knock a set out while you are catching your breath between sets.
5. Do not hit on the ladies while at the gym. This is SO annoying! I have heard just about every pick-up line you can imagine while at the gym.
6. Don’t grunt excessively while training.
7. Don’t make a habit of checking yourself out in the mirror.
8. Don’t drop the weights on the floor. It damages equipment and is extremely irritating to those around you.
9. Re-rack your weights. This is a MAJOR pet peeve with me! If you want to prove that you are a beast by racking eight 45 pound plates on each side of a leg press machine, REMOVE them when you are done! I recently asked someone very nicely to re-rack this same quantity of plates and he pitched a fit, throwing a couple of the plates onto the floor then stomping off.
10. Leave your negative attitude at home. Do not yell, swear, throw things, hit machines or start arguments.
10. Do not wear strong fragrances. People are often allergic to certain scents and can go into asthma attacks from such triggers.
11. Do NOT interrupt people when they are in the middle of a set! I honestly do not know what goes through some people’s minds to believe that it is acceptable to rudely interrupt one’s set to talk to them. Don’t do it!

Gymrulez